Is this a feminist issue?

[allhailtheaubergine]

Due to a mix-up with parking instructions, I ended up walking about a kilometre along a mostly deserted city beach at dusk last week.

I noticed a man on the beach between me and my exit and immediately felt nervous.

This is an illogical reaction.

I have no personal experience that could cause me to be nervous of men. Quite the opposite.
The vast, massive majority of men are decent people.

There is no way he felt nervous of me. We are just two people on a beach, so why did I feel nervous of him? I would not have felt nervous of a woman. In fact I would have felt reassured not to be alone.

I am trying to decide - is it because I have been brainwashed to fear men on some level? Or is it because many men are capable of causing harm to women in a way that women are not? Is it because I am a scardeypuss who needs to get a grip?

FFS, thai :(

The trouble is that being "on your guard" doesn't really help you any.

Urgh to that link. I fucking hate those lists. All they do is tell you to be scared at all times and no matter how many rules you follow you can be attacked.

I love ones like this:

"Understand that your hairstyle could benefit an attacker. Ponytails are the number one style that rapists look for because they are easy to grab and you can be held with them."

Hair down only ladies. I also read one that said that women with short hair don't get raped. Erm yeah right.

"Be aware of public bathrooms in clubs and bars. Women have been attacked in the ladies room if it is deserted."

You must not go to the bog by yourself. This is a highly dangerous activity.

"Practice being careful when going into your house or car because someone could easily push you in and lock the door behind you. "

That's right you must ^never ever go into places without feeling fear as there is a rapist in every bush.

"Understand vulnerability factors: According to the CDC, vulnerabilities include prior sexual abuse as a minor"

WTF? Yes, women need to avoid being sexually abused as children if they want to avoid being raped as adults WTF

"Bring a dog, if going to the park, beach, etc. alone."

Yes all women must go out and buy a dog WTF.

and so on and so on. Instructions about every minute detail of life. All these lists do is add to the background fear of women and tell them they are PREY. If they get attacked they will feel at least a little blame as they didn't follow all the instructions. No-one can ever follow all the instructions, so many women will always feel that it was a little their fault.

FGS

I have resolved to send out something along the following next time I get oen of those bloody lists:

Hi X, thanks for the e-mail, just to add to your list, here's another bunch of tips on how to avoid rape and they're probably more effective because they're targetted at the perpetrator, who actually has more control over whether the rape happens or not:

If a woman is drunk, don?t rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don?t rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don?t rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don?t rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don?t rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you?re still hung up on, don?t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don?t rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don?t rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don?t rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don?t rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don?t rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don?t rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don?t rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don?t rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don?t rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don?t rape her.
If your friend thinks it?s okay to rape someone, tell him it?s not, and that he?s not your friend.

If your ?friend? tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there?s an unconscious woman upstairs and It?s your turn, don?t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he?s a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it?s not okay to rape someone.

Don?t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don?t imply that she could have avoided it if she?d only done/not done x.
Don?t imply that it?s in any way her fault.
Don?t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he ?got some? with the drunk girl.
Don?t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

I wonder what response I'll get?

Oh how I love that HerBex. Love. It.

That is excellent, and a lot better than similar lists I've seen.

Erm because you are sexist?

I you had said you were afraid because the person was black and statistically more likely etc etc Everyone should be judged on their own merits not stereotyped by whatever 'grouping' you wish to pigeon hole them in.

The chances of anything happening are so tiny perhaps they were magnified by associating in a 'belief' group that like all such groups encourage fear of the 'other' and an 'us against them' mentality in order to draw members closer together. Other signs you are in such a cultgroup are secret codes and insider methods of communication and conspiracy stories creation myths

There is no Patriarchy only bloodthirsty capitalism and its undesirable outcomes

So do the police etc tell women to beware of strange black people, and not to share a taxi with a strange black woman, for instance?

And why are so many of the top capitalists men, in your view, sw82?

big question; to narrow it down to to the UK
Those at the 'top' are of a certain age, the distribution reflects societal attitudes/expectations and possibilities of decades past combined with unofficial networking opportunities and the remnants of religious and family expectations on what a young woman 'should' be doing

There will always be a defecit due to the fact that in order to reach the highest heights it is generally necessary to be an amoral shitbag with little regard for others including their direct family.

And the time time out taken to raise family will inevitably hold women back

"the distribution reflects societal attitudes/expectations and possibilities of decades past combined with unofficial networking opportunities and the remnants of religious and family expectations on what a young woman 'should' be doing"

A shorthand term for this is "patriarchy"

HTH

60 000 men died in one day at the battle of the somme.

Were these men enjoying the fruits of their privilege?

Men work longer, in harder and more dangerous occupations only to spend less time retired, have less money spent on their healthcare needs and die earlier.

You see life through the lens you wish, I see it not as a gender issue but of class.

I thought more women died being a wife/partner than men dying in work. Also it's not right to compare jobs in terms of 'hardness' Just because something is physically more demanding doesn't mean it is harder.

If it is a class issue then why no mention of the female working class, you don't see it that way at all.

Anyway I'm sure what I write doesn't matter, but if you are not going to agree then please leave the chat thread. I think you're arguments are better suited somewhere else.

opps sorry thought I was still on the chat thread, my apologies, but the other points remain

D'you know, as I get older, I find the tiresome lefty-boys the worst sort of sexists. At least with right wing men, you don't expect them to have an understanding or awareness of equality issues. Left wing men have come up with a whole new way of denynig systematic sexism, by pretending it's just a matter of class. They refuse to examine the fact that at whatever class a man and women are at, the man of that class will be privileged because of his gender.

And LOL at the attempt to make out that the first world war is proof that men don't rule the world. How asinine can you get.

Yeah - I'm sure we all remember those history lessons about Kaiser Wilhelmina and Davina Lloyd George and Winstonia Churchill and Harriet Asquith etc.

I have said this before to people who complain that men have it tough - if you can't get men a fair deal despite men holding over three quarters of seats in the house of commons, making up over 85% of FTSE 100 company directors, and being in charge of the BBC and all major national newspapers, what would you need in the way of power in order to sort everything out perfectly to your satisfaction?