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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Is this a feminist issue?

115 replies

allhailtheaubergine · 08/06/2011 11:54

Due to a mix-up with parking instructions, I ended up walking about a kilometre along a mostly deserted city beach at dusk last week.

I noticed a man on the beach between me and my exit and immediately felt nervous.

This is an illogical reaction.

I have no personal experience that could cause me to be nervous of men. Quite the opposite.
The vast, massive majority of men are decent people.

There is no way he felt nervous of me. We are just two people on a beach, so why did I feel nervous of him? I would not have felt nervous of a woman. In fact I would have felt reassured not to be alone.

I am trying to decide - is it because I have been brainwashed to fear men on some level? Or is it because many men are capable of causing harm to women in a way that women are not? Is it because I am a scardeypuss who needs to get a grip?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:05

How about the media stop treating women as prey, and men stop harrassing assaulting and raping women?

Then we might get somewhere Grin

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:06

Here we go.

So just because one person has never felt scared (Never??? Never ever ever ever???) that means that any women who do feel scared are being SILLY and need to stop it immediately as the poor men don't like it.

Have you ever heard of empathy?

thats a ridiculous overraction to what I said, by saying 'I must be alien' was making it clear I know its wierd and unusual. And I didn't say 'poor men' again more twisitng, Its becasue I have empathy I said that I'm trying to put myself in someones sheos who may be percieved badly just for being there.

When did I say women were being silly?
again more lies.

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:07

How about the media stop treating women as prey, and men stop harrassing assaulting and raping women?

Then we might get somewhere grin

I agree with that obviously what about my posts implied that men should carry on abusing women?
I'm sick of explaining to people who clearly incapable of not twisitng

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:08

A bloke once started masturbating at me on the tube when we were the only two people on the carriage.

I didn't feel scared, I felt annoyed and angry.

So what? It didn't make any difference to what happened, whether I was scared or angry. He still did it.

if I had been 12 at the time, would it have been wrong of me to feel scared?

Why do people insist that women are stupid to feel scared when in fact there is plenty to be scared of - the papers and television tell us so all the time, and for most women their personal experience tells them so as well.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:08

wrongdecade what was the point of your post them.

You aren't scared. Great. What was the point if you writing that then?

What is your point?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 10/06/2011 11:09

Excellent posts, SQ.

And HerBeX: "his worry is simply that this strange woman might think he might attack her; her worry is that he might attack her" - EXACTLY. How are we supposed to twist ourselves up into this doublethink? How are we supposed to "be sensible" and follow police advice and negotiate our lives knowing that if we break the rules e.g. here then we will be at least partly blamed if someone decides to hurt us AND simultaneously not insult poor men by being worried that they might hurt us?

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:10

"Its becasue I have empathy I said that I'm trying to put myself in someones sheos who may be percieved badly just for being there. "

So your first port of call on the empathy front is men, who might accidentally scare women. Rather than empathising with women, who might be scared, not to mention all the ones who have actually been attacked.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 10/06/2011 11:10

TBF I didn't think wrongdecade was saying anyone else was wrong etc, she was just contributing her experience.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:11

I don;t understand the point of the post though.

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:12

becasue I'm allowed to post my opinion

I don't need someones permission to post my opinion

what was the point of someones post deliberaltely twisitng what I had said, I notice your not challenging that, so its okay to lie and twist what somebody has said aslong as its what you want to hear?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 10/06/2011 11:12

Well, no. But then we all post things sometimes that other people might not understand the point of. I know I do :o

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:12

TBF I didn't think wrongdecade was saying anyone else was wrong etc, she was just contributing her experience.

thankyou finally I see alot of people contributing experiences on here

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:12

I'm not generally scared either, and used to laugh in the face of people who suggested I not go home by myself.

So what? What does that add to the discussion on this thread.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 10/06/2011 11:13

What about your friends/family, wrongdecade? Do you know other women who feel scared/try to avoid being alone on the streets/in quiet places at night?

And yes, I'm going for the record of how many of these ///// I can use in one post.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:13

Your opinion is that you're not scared?

Riiight...

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:14

"Its becasue I have empathy I said that I'm trying to put myself in someones sheos who may be percieved badly just for being there. "

I was saying its a double edged sword its really not that hard to grasp, I'd be politer but you've made it clear you're only interested in twisting my posts.

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:15

Your opinion is that you're not scared?

Riiight...

grow up you don't have the right to dictate to people what they can and can't put on here.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:15

One edge of the sword is a lot pointier than the other edge though.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:17

I'm not saying you shouldn't post Hmm

I am saying I don't understand what you are getting at.

First you said that men don't like women being scared, and women are scared, and where did that leave us
Then you said that you aren't scared anyway

I don't understand what you are trying to say.

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:18

you'd probably twist my post anyway lets be honset so I'll not bother.

SardineQueen · 10/06/2011 11:21
Confused
Mamaz0n · 10/06/2011 11:24

I think it is a depressing residue of thousands of years of patriachy telling us that women are meek and mild, that men are to be feared.

I find it utterly depressing yet absilutly understandable that OP would have felt that way.

We are bombarded with messages telling that we are encouraging attack if we walk alone, if we are out after dark, if we place our selves in a position of danger.

The message eventually evolves into "all men are a threat"

wrongdecade · 10/06/2011 11:34

thats what I was trying to say

great post Mamazon.

thaigreencurry · 10/06/2011 11:42

I think its natural to feel that way. It doesn't mean that you assume that all men are potential rapists. You were in a vulnerable situation and there would have been nobody there to help if he had turned out to be dangerous.

Years ago I was being followed by a man who clearly had mental health issues as he was ranting away. I reached a bus stop where there was a man waiting and decided to wait there as I thought it would be safer with the other man present. The first man eventually wandered off and the second man asked me to suck his cock. You always have to be on your guard when you are in a vulnerable situation.

vesuvia · 10/06/2011 12:00

ElephantsAndMiasmas, thanks for the link "How to Prevent a Potential Rape".

I took a quick look and one point that really caught my attention was:

  1. Understand vulnerability factors: According to the CDC, vulnerabilities include ... being female (gender) ...
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