Sensitive - can I help my friend?

[feedingatoddler]

I've namechanged because I don't want anyone to figure out who she is (however unlikely that would be) but I am a semi-regular poster on this section and I know you'll be able to give me sensitive advice on this situation. If you think you know who I am or can link this to any other thread, please don't say so.

My friend told me the other day that she thinks her boyfriend/ex is having sex with her while she is asleep. From what she told me I don't think there can be another explanation for what's happening, although she can't remember it (hence not being sure) and obviously she isn't consenting. :(. They have technically split up, though neither are moving out, she doesn't feel she can ask him to because it's his house, and she has nowhere to move to so is trying to get something sorted, although they are still sharing a bed. They have a toddler as well. She's been offered a place in a refuge from other things which have gone on, she hasn't told anybody about this, and there has been no violence other than this. But at the moment she says going to the refuge is more scary than just living with this situation a bit longer. There's nowhere else to sleep in the house either - she can't sleep on the sofa because her ex's friend is staying there (who happens to be my ex, although that's irrelevant, I can quite understand why she doesn't want to share with him either) and she doesn't want to sleep in with their toddler.

I am really upset by this and want to help but I don't know what to do - I suggested going to the police but she's very resistant saying it will be his word against hers and she doesn't want to go through examinations etc, especially if he then turns around and says "well it was consensual" and it's still her word against his. And I don't really blame her TBH. It's almost like denial is easier than facing it at the moment, but it's happening 2-3 times a week, usually when he is drunk. I said what if he is going out and sleeping with other girls first, he could give you a disease, but that just upset her at the thought he might have moved on already. I cannot imagine what sort of mental place she must be in that all these things - moving to a refuge, her recent ex sleeping with other girls - are worse than being raped 2-3 times a week. I just want to get her out of there.

antifeminist 101

"millietant"

you just neutralised your argument, peppa

I'm not judging her for staying .

I am questioning getting into bed every night with a man you suspect is raping you.

staying means she has to climb into bed with him

because he probably insists on nothing less, and she is too terrified to demur

don't you get it, peppa ?

so if you don't judge her for staying (as you say) you cannot judge her for anything else

You'll have to enlighten me as to what an MRA is dittany.

And a troll? Because I think you're every woman's nightmare vision of a feminist?

Anyfucker - do you have vidence he is making her share his bed or are you making assumptions?

Dittany, can you show me where the OP shows the woman in question has absolute proof this is happening?

Ta.

I will suspend disbelief here and inform you what MRA means

MRA=male rights activist

they think feminists are too uppity and wish to shut women up by stuffing their gobs up with their dicks

you are kinda echoing a common theme in MRA-land, which is to blame women for their own sexual assaults

perhaps you didn't realise that ?

I'll say this reaaaalll slow Dittany .

She THINKS he MAY be raping her but she isn't 100% sure.

Now, not only does that make giving advice and support difficult but no court in any land will convict on that evidence.
I've suggested, if she won;t or can't leave, trying to establish absolutely what is happening.
What do you suggest?

peppa...can you find proof in his thread that the woman is at fault in any way ?

ta

this thread

No Dittany, you aren't.

You make feminism a dirty word at best and a laughing stock at worst. Your attitude is what make so many women feel ashamed to call themselves feminists.

peppa...seriously, you care what a court would convict on
?

you base your assessment of what is happening here on what a judge would say ?

you need to educate yourself, sharpish

start with conviction rates for sexual assault and take it from there....

hang on-a woman waking up in the morning with a discharge that seems like seman/seemen[cant spell]?
in my book this is rape!

No, I base my assessment on the fact that if she continues to share his bed and things get worse ( quite likely) then she won't have any power to her elbow to deal with this legally . Which she may not want to do, granted, but she may further down the line.

Sparky - where does the OP say she has a semen discharge?

Many rapes are not reported because of situations like the one in the OP.

PrinceHumperdink.

Even the woman involved isn't sure what is happening.