Ways the TV series 'Friends' was anti-feminist

[darleneoconnor]

comes from another thread

-There are lots of references to porn, which totally normalises it

• The women are unhealthily skinny
• The 'fat Monica' running joke
• Joey's womanising
• Phoebe being used as a womb for hire
• Monica was riddiculed for dating someone 7 years younger than her but it was ok for Ross to date someone 10 years younger then him
• All the girls' desire to get married (especially Monica's bridzillaness), as opposed to the boys
• the anti-single mother rant Monica had at her wedding
• Rachel's birth was very medicalised and disempowering (but in context of USA healthcare system I suppose)
• Chandler having to be 'taught' how to have a relationship
• Monicas getting slagged off for having 'lots' of lovers
• In the episode where Rachel, Phoebe and Joey make an issue of earning less than the others no-one mentions the gender split
• They do quite gender-specific jobs, Monica/cooking, Joey/acting (which is 2/3 male), Ross/Paleontologist, Phoebe/massuese, Rachel/waitress/fashion buyer, Chandler/IT(?)
• they get a stripper for a stag do then glamourise it by her saying how well she is paid
• Ross's homophobia and his lack of equal parenting of his child
• Monica's obsession with cleaning
• the rich Monica and Chandler adopting the babies of someone too poor to keep them herself
• Chandler pretending to watch tv so he doesn't have to do his fair share of the thanksgiving cooking
• The football game where Rachel is a 'useless' girl, Phoebe flashes her breasts to win a point and Monica is ridiculed for being as competitive as the boys

I'm sure there's more...

And then there was Monica's treatment at the hand of her parents. Yuk.

Yes I was going to mention the chef thing too. Quite unusual now that being a cook has been turned into being a chef and become a male domain.

As for the rest of it, now that I'm older I do see the programme differently. I didn't think Ross was homophobic though. I thought he was Susan-phobic. How many people would be cool about being around the person your partner left you for?

Aah yes, completely missing the point re Sandy the Manny. Compares a male nanny to a female penis model. Implying that both are therefore impossible and ridiculous. Of course the usual trick of Ross just being vulnerable at the end makes up for his glaring homophobic, controlling, misogynistic attitude. Like taking Rachel to a hospital when she's hurt her ribs so much she can't even get dressed. Instead of going for glory on tv. What a gentleman. Sheesh.

I adore Friends, always have but I rant about it as much as I laugh at it. Because as light entertainment it's funny but there is an undercurrent and a huge amount of feminist fodder to be had.

Ross isn't homophobic about Susan but sexuality is poorly dealt with in a lot of other ways. The male nanny is a good example. Ross is desperate for him to be gay so he can pigeon hole him.

And when the female nanny (Molly) turns out to be a lesbian then it's just great fantasy fodder for Joey and his stable boy crap.

Ross tries, repeatedly, to sabotage Rachel's career at the end of the last series. Two men get together to see if they can't hammmer out between them where she should work, and for how much money..... although Rachel really does want the Paris job, she turns it down without a second thought when she realises that Ross Loves Her.

Yes, I can understand Ross not liking Susan. Her insistence about the order of Ben's triple-barrelled surname got on MY tits.

I disliked the whole 'boys will watch porn and strippers' assumption. Monica hires a stripper for Chandler's stag do, another time some of the girls go to a strip club with him to cheer him up. Another time the boys got free porn on their tv and didn't move for days.

Although after they are married Chandler goes to a strip club with his boss and comes home and says he hated it. Which is a little bit of progress, I suppose.

Rachel is shown having a fling with someone before Ross for the sex. And Monica is comically competitive in an almost masculine way. Not sure about Phoebe. She is just annoying!

Also Monica got him that 'shark porn' dvd after thinking that was what turned him on!

Yes, Rachel giving up her dream job to be Ross's girlfriend at the end - if he loves her so much why doesn't he follow her and Emma to Paris?

The whole thing with Monica and Chandler adopting the poor, stupid teen's babies was horrible. Don't they debate whether they want to take both babies when they find there are twins?

Monica hired a stripper for Phoebe's hen night as well. It turned out to be Danny DeVito...

There were many strange gender implications throughout the episodes;

Chandler's family - the cross dressing father and 'man eating' mother was very odd. In fact all of the parents are very strange infantalising their adult children.

Gunter, occupies a traditionally female space in TV however, on the periphery, mooning about with unrequited love, no function without Rachel.

Hmmmm, will give this some more thought. This is my first post on 'feminism' so be gentle

Am a lurker on these threads as i'm a little scared shy about posting but have to say I completely agree with you, Darlene.

I have always loathed this programme for all of the reasons mentioned above and it's general crapness.
It's misogynistic, full of gender-based stereotypes and embraces pretty much every other 'ism' albeit in a fairly subtle way.
Without people like you highlighting these subtle references they will continue to be normalised and unchallenged, particularly when they are part of something as popular and mainstream as friends.
As a side note, I also cannot bear its smugness!

Febreeze, my first post on feminism as well. Strange that it should be a Friends thread that drew me in.

Don't forget Danny Devito as the stripper at Phoebe's hen party!

The teen has to be stupid so that there is no risk that the audience might identify with her, or question the morality of buying her babies..... that's one of the things that makes the last few episodes so very uncomfortable.

They were very clever with Emily too I thought. She was treated despicably, terribly hurt by Ross and they managed to portray her as odd, prickly and controlling.

Who are the writing team? Are there any women at all? You can understand it slightly if they are all men.

Being a chef is still low paid, though, and in the female dominated catering sector. There's also the bit where she reassures chandler that he is more important than her job (even though he later quits his and she is their breadwinner).

Jess- but he hardly ever sees Susan. He is a crap Dad to Ben. He hardly ever sees him. Seriously imagine if Carol was posting here: "My ex would rather spend all his free time hanging out in a coffee shop and dating endless women than spend time with DS". But the series NEVER paints him as a bad Dad. This is one reason why men expect their lives to carry on as usual after they have kids- that's how it's portrayed on screen.

Hand- yes it's horrible that Monica's parents treat Ross differently and better. Like when their Mum turns to her when she finds out about Ross and the lesbian ex/baby.

hocus- but re: the baby surname- it was Susan who raised ben, by the end she deserved her name in there more then Ross

The hot girl at the photocopy place (who Ross ends up sleeping with) has no name. She's just the "hot photocopy place girl".

The writers were Marta Kauffmann and David Crane largely but there was a big team and their output very much controlled/changed by the network. I think Matthew Perry occasionally wrote for it too.

and why did Rachel automatically give emma Ross's surname when they weren't even a couple?

But darlene that WAS funny - "And YOU KNEW about this....?".

and it was taken for granted that monica would change her name upon marriage, even though Bing isn't a v good name