What acts of sexism have you encountered today?

[BertieBotts]

I thought it would be interesting to have a thread where we can come on and post any day-to-day sexism/effects of sexism, thinking mainly low-level things, but big things are alright to post too of course. I thought it might be eye-opening (if depressing) to collate how much crap there is to deal with on a daily basis.

I'll start - while listening to music on spotify, having to listen to an unskippable ad for a rap artist playing a clip of his song which includes the lyrics We bring the women and the cars and the cards out

The other one I can think of (which fair enough was during a seminar about feminism) was a guy in my class who kept saying things like "Well yes women are paid less than men/women are vastly underrepresented in parliament/rape conviction rates are ridiculously low. [etc] But that's just the way it is. It's the same in all societies that I know of. I don't know what you can do about it."

Anyone else?

ullainga can I have a link? I couldn't find it, but would rather like to put it on our co-op noticeboard in a pointed fashion

of course Queen
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gah sorry
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I tried to post a comment but it didnt work

i don't think..

Me & Dp and others went to see stand up on weekend. one of them was like a hitch type dating coach tips on chatting up ladies as part of his act.

my bil & gf visited day after and we told him about about the act.

he said to my DP (right in front of me!)

'did you pick up any tips then'

I was like wtf! Dp replied 'why would I need any tips.

grr pretty trivial compared to same but angered me, I get the feeling because im fat and BIL & gf are dead skinny they think my dp ought to be out looking for better as much as possible.

TBH Delia I think that one is a bit oversensitive.
It is something I would say, my mates would say and it would be a joke!!
I don't see that as sexism.

well he has a history of being a bit of a *dog

maybe it tainted my view.

he had a single brother in the room who he didnt ask.

like I said it probs is pretty trivial

In that case I would say it was more about personal issues than blatent sexism. Y'know saying things to hurt you but not saying anything to single brother.
If it was going to be sexist I would have thought that he would have said it to both brothers IYSWIM

My act of sexism encountered today:

I was out for a run and had only had chicken soup, an orange and chocolate fudge cake for lunch. Didn't really consider the ramifications of that, realised that I just didn't have much energy and was finding it really hard. A white van driver hooted at me (and yes it was at me, there was no one else around and no cars on the road and I was already pissed off because I knew I was going to have to cut my run short. So my response was a finger and "fuck you", which surprised him somewhat. And then my instant thought, literally the moment afterwards, was "ooh, I'm going to have to post this on that mumsnet thread when I get home"

Delia, if you find it's sexist, then it's sexist. You get to decide.

It is depressing how early it starts. I collected DS from after school club and one of his friends told me the boys had been teasing him and calling him a "girl" as when they were face painting he painted his face as a pink butterfly. He said DS was involved so I sat down with both of them and had a "chat". It transpired it was older boys who were teasing DS' friend but DS was laughing.

At bedtime I always have a chat with DS to debrief the day (sounds wanky but ykwim) I tried to reinforce with him that you shouldn't use "girl" as an insult.

The thing that really annoyed me was one of the staff saying oh we don't want a debate about sexism age 4. Yes we do - the earlier we challenge it the more chance we have of eradicating it. How about if they were calling each other "gay" - I will be having a word with once I have thought about how to approach it.

Am I overreacting?

No, Sharon, you're not. Sexism is fine apparently - or at least there is never a good time to talk about it according to some. The "lalala not listening" theory of making things go away never seems to work though somehow.

'The thing that really annoyed me was one of the staff saying oh we don't want a debate about sexism age 4.'

if 4 year olds were unaffected by sexism and weren't starting to act it out, that might be a reasonable position, but they're not!

I think 4 is an excellent age for it - young enough to be receptive but old enough to understand what you mean.

I attended a banking conference today, there were 6 speakers including one woman - which is a pretty usual ratio but I really noticed it and wondered if there would ever be a panel with all women.

Also 90% of the attendees were men.

Not individual sexism but made me think about the relative likelihood of men vs women putting themselves forward to attend a conference etc

Hello. Only really just discovered this corner of mumsnet.

This is something that happens to me on a regular basis. I am the co-director of a small business, with a male business partner (let's call him Joe). We are equal partners, and have been for more than a decade. And YET, at least a couple of times a month someone will say to me "Are you still working FOR Joe?". To which my reply is generally something along the lines of "Well, of course I'm still working WITH Joe, I own half the company".

Drives me nuts. The thing is, I could ALMOST understand it, if Joe were one of these pushy alpha-male types, but he is quite the opposite, and if anything, I am the pushy one (though to be fair, neither of us are especially pushy). I suppose it just goes to show how ingrained these prejudices are. Associates also seem to remember his name when they forget mine, and if we're both in a meeting, whoever we are meeting - male or female - will always look at him more, and defer to him more. I've had meetings with men who basically didn't look at me the whole meeting, even when I was the one doing the talking.

fume

(sorry, I know it's supposed to be 'today'. But this sort of thing does happen on lots of my days)

DH seemed to expect praise for doing his fair share. When does laziness stop and sexism start?

I was at a major professional conference at a London hotel last week, all delegates including me were high-powered professional types (if I do say so myself). The man taking names greeted the 3 male delegates in front of me as 'sir'. He greeted me as 'dear'. I complained.

Today I picked up a copy of the Daily Sport left on the bus, thinking I would browse it to see what it was like. I didn't expect much, thought would be a page 3 topless pic or two and a lot of drivel plus football etc.
I was absolutely appalled at page after page after page of naked and topless women, detailed pornographic 'problems' (along the lines of 'I am a tall stunning redhead, I just can't stop having sex with strangers, is something wrong with me...' but very, very explicit), sex 'confessions', sex diaries. I was really horrified. What a warped and twisted view of women and of the world, and not even in an 'adult magazine' but a so-called daily newspaper. It was so extremely sexual, I had no idea .

sorry, I wish I hadn't said that bit about 'high powered. please ignore it.

Don't apologise for being successful! And good on you for complaining about the "dear". There's something very special about that word in terms of patronisation, isn't there?

I wish the need for this thread didn't exist, but I love that there is a space on MN for it. And I say "pfff" at anyone who says that there is nothing left to fight for in this country. Those who aren't angry are not paying attention.

The Sport appals me. The fact that it is there, often on the shelf, with the 'real' newspapers.

'please ignore it.'

no, I think it is brilliant
if there's anywhere you shouldn't have to do classic feminine self-deprecation it's a feminist board, and it is relevant to the anecdote anyway

thanks . I didn't want to suggest that the respect was due only by virtue of that. Low-powered delegates shouldn't be called 'dear' either.

Another person at the park asked me if my son was a girl!!!!!!!
this has happened a few times, and some people say cut his hair of he looks like a girl.

he has gorgeous golden blonde girls , blue eyes and a really cheeky face. The the thing is he was wear a navy blue coat, trainers also navy blue with dinosuars on them

took one look at the hair ..'Oh what a lovely girl!
he's a burly lad (for 18months lol) well over 3 ft
it seems like the hair is the main focus? all the children can tell he's a bay just the adults.
I dont want him growing up thinkinh he's less manly because of curls.

sorry it pisses me off and is a bit awkward

Ooh I forgot about this. Was coming home last night a bit pissed tipsy, and a man outside the tube station shouted "hello darling" at me.

I wheeled round to look at him and just said "DON'T do that. It's not polite." :o

Seemed to work though.

This is a weird one and a total rant which should be on AIBU. My SIL is staying with us. She asked to stay for a week as she's going through a divorce - we want to be welcoming so we've said yes but we have a baby dd and it's a bit inconvenient...

Anyway, she's started going out in the morning and leaving her breakfast stuff in the sink. So basically I get up and I have to wash up. And I know it's because I'm a SAHM and she basically thinks I am therefore a housewife. Which I ain't, and even if I were I wouldn't be her fucking housewife.

She also tells dd to be 'ladylike'. She's 10 months old for fuck's sake. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So ironic that she's the big sexist and dh is quite the opposite.