What acts of sexism have you encountered today?

[BertieBotts]

I thought it would be interesting to have a thread where we can come on and post any day-to-day sexism/effects of sexism, thinking mainly low-level things, but big things are alright to post too of course. I thought it might be eye-opening (if depressing) to collate how much crap there is to deal with on a daily basis.

I'll start - while listening to music on spotify, having to listen to an unskippable ad for a rap artist playing a clip of his song which includes the lyrics We bring the women and the cars and the cards out

The other one I can think of (which fair enough was during a seminar about feminism) was a guy in my class who kept saying things like "Well yes women are paid less than men/women are vastly underrepresented in parliament/rape conviction rates are ridiculously low. [etc] But that's just the way it is. It's the same in all societies that I know of. I don't know what you can do about it."

Anyone else?

[slug]

Delia, that's simply awful.

I've got a stock answer to that sort of comment (I get it depressingly often). It's to stare long and hard at the male look at their crotch, raise an eyebrow (if you can) and calmly state "Well I would say look at the dick on that....but I'd need a magnifying glass to find it"

[steamedtreaclesponge]

slug that's a great putdown, must remember that!

Itrymybest my godson said exactly the same thing to my friend. He'd asked if I could come over to play and she told him that I was at work. His response? "Don't be silly mummy, ladies don't go to work". She was horrified!

I was shouted at on Friday night by some men in a car as I was walking home - normally I just brush that sort of thing off, but it was quite late at night and it made me feel very vulnerable. I didn't hear what they said but they actually slowed down as they went past me which I found rather scary. Wankers.

[SweetGrapes]

Itrymybest My son said the same to me the other day. He's 5. I was horrified.
I am a SAHM just now but have been a high powered profesional too for 10 years and may be going back, hopefully. I quickly pointed out his male and female teachers at school and said that daddy's office is just the same - men and women all working there. and mummy used to work too.
Another time he said about the laundry when I called him to help me - it's your job mummy!!! DH had better pull his socks up visibly.

[Lio]

At work I answered the phone to a man who called me darling, princess and beautiful before asking to be put through to the person he actually wanted to speak to.

I read an article about up-and-coming cooks/bakers/foodies, not one of whom was a woman.

[LadyOfTheManor]

I was in a meeting this morning and one of the women weren't there (and has made a habit of it) we were discussing why she isn't turning up etc when she came in and one of the men said;

"just in time, love".

I jumped down his throat reminding him that he wouldn't have called her that if she was a man.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

I don't know if it's "sexism", exactly, but I have been coming home quite late for several nights, and realised that I am trying (while knowing how ridiculous it is) to effectively rape-proof myself by walking quietly (not clicking heels on pavement), having at least one ear open for potential approaching men people, having keys/keyring woven between fingers as impromptu knuckle-duster, having key ready at the door etc etc etc. Wonder how many men do that on the way home every night?

[sethstarkaddersmackerel]

men don't do it and they don't realise that we do.

my friend that recommended the hotel I stayed at after MWR said he had been staying there once and couldn't sleep and went out for a walk across Waterloo Bridge at 3am. I laughed at the idea that the idea that I might choose a hotel by its convenience for 3 in the morning Waterloo Bridge strolls.
the friend in question is about the same height as me, I could probably hold my own in a fight with him, so he's not not scared because he can defend himself, just because he's male.

[AyeRobot]

I was walking back to my parents from town late one afternoon last winter when it was dark at 4.30. It is pretty safe round here and I don't have a problem with walking in the dark on this route, although my Mum would never do it and is always aghast when I do. Anyway, I could hear that there was someone a hundred yards or so behind me and every time I crossed the road, they would cross in the same place so that they were still behind me. They were walking quite briskly, so I lengthed my stride but didn't want to show that I was scared by looking around or anything. This carried on for a little while, the footsteps were getting closer all the time and I was beginning to see if there were any houses with lights on where I could maybe knock at the door and wait for them to pass. I decided not to as I was close to home and when I was within sight of my parents house, I looked behind and it was my Dad!

I went ballistic at him. He didn't realise that it was me in the dark and didn't quite get why I was so angry. He can be a bit single minded sometimes and it was cold and he just wanted to get home for a cup of tea. I knew that but I was livid that he didn't understand how threatening it was. We had a long talk over dinner that night with Mum and I explaining to him how women have to be so aware of their safety. He gets it now and I know would never do it again. Brought it home to me how much of this stuff is internalised. (and how all the family cross the roads on the way back from town in exactly the same place! how dull)

[Itrymybest]

everything - have never read the sports day book and amazon didnt really give a clue about its content so I have to ask - why is it sexist?

[MarionCole]

Looking at carpet in Carpetright, I told the salesman that I would have to bring my husband in for his opinion, he said "yeah, let him know what he's paying for, ha ha ha."

I am really disappointed in myself for not making a scene.

[Deliainthemaking]

Marion that is such a cheek of him!

well its on going, but happened today, my DP will come in say 'hiya put grab my top have a good look down not actually look at me nad everytime I bend over he dry humps me , I not sure if its so much hes conciously being sexist or a horny teen in a mans body.

[steamedtreaclesponge]

Delia that's awful! I would absolutely hate being groped as a 'hello' gesture, it shows rather a lack of respect. I've had a boyfriend do the humping thing before, as a joke, but he swiftly got the message that I didn't consider it acceptable behaviour, and stopped doing it.

[steamedtreaclesponge]

Today's incident of sexism (before 10am! lucky me!) - being whistled at by a builder who I was walking past on the pavement. And for some reason my response was to drop my eyes and say nothing. I'm going to try and up my game slightly and at least glare at them next time it happens

[alexpolismum]

treaclesponge - don't just glare. Beat them at their own game. Stare pointedly at his crotch and then burst out laughing.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

I got kissy noises made at me last night when on way back from the shops. I couldn't have looked any less like I was interested, in fact I didn't even see the bloke who did it. It's that horrible mouthy half kiss-/half teeth sucking noise.

And what it made me think was "he wants to put me in my place", it's so true that he wanted to remind me that I take to the streets on sufferance, and that I am constantly being watched, judged and implicitly threatened by the woman-police.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

It's thanks to this section that I was able to feel that way, rather than feeling embarrassed/uncomfortable but feeling that I should take it as a compliment. It isn't one.

[Unrulysun]

I know what you mean about this place Elephants. I had a weird/trivial one yesterday - walking to a friend's house (potentially dodgyish bit of Sarf London), dd in a sling. Realised there was a mad person walking behind me. I could hear music blaring from his phone. Same as AyeRobot: I cross the road, he crosses the road. At one point I looked round and he said 'Hiya!' and when I ignored him carried on with 'hello love, have you got the time please?'. I ignored him and carried on walking and then turned off the road onto another one very suddenly. And just as I was starting to beat myself up thinking 'he only asked the time, you were rude' I thought 'no! What would everyone on the feminism board say? (and I swear I namechecked you all in my head!) they'd say you know fine well he didn't want the time, he wanted to strike up conversation and then he would have been difficult to get away from and you did the right thing for you and dd' and I was proud of myself instead of ashamed!

So thanks all of you!

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Yeah good on you Unruly - you don't have any responsibility to him, your only responsibility in that situation is to keep your and your DD safe. :)

Re-reading my post I'm not sure if it came across but when I realised he was trying to put me in my place, I felt that this clear thinking on my part meant he had failed :)

[AyeRobot]

Yay, Unrulysun and E&M!! Busting that conditioning one small incident at a time. And some say the little stuff doesn't matter...