New(ish) to feminism and want to pack it in already

[AnnieLobeseder]

So while I've always been very much in favour of equal rights, am well educated, work full time, share all childcare and domestic drudgery with DH etc etc, it's only in the last few months, thanks to MN, that I've become more serious about feminism.

I just always had the view that Western women had it pretty good compared to a lot of people out there, laws always seemed to be changing for the better and there wasn't much need to worry about it.

Some feminist thread here convinced me that there is a need for more serious feminist action; even though things are better than ever for women and continue to get better still, there is a long way to go.

BUT - a not insubstantial part of me wishes I'd never had that awakening! Stuff on TV and around me that has never bothered me before is now annoying the hell out of me, which is an unwelcome new source of stress.

And then threads like this one last week, about how women should go back to the kitchen, and this one today, about how we should all be grateful Mrs Wife.

So I have to wonder, how will the cause of women ever progress when even women are so dead set against feminism? Women seem to like being oppressed, and dislike and ridicule feminists for trying to make life better for them.

How do the rest of you cope with these things?!

I seethe and rant. I point out where I think things are wrong at work and home.

Sometimes, though, I can't be bothered as with the "Happy Mrs Wife" thread. I find it incredible that anyone has to define their identity through their relationship status, quite frankly.

I suppose I choose my battles.

Now see, you both talk of staying angry, of seething and ranting. That's not how I want to live!

I know what you mean, Annie. However, I get a lot of strength and motivation from the feminists around me. We also have a laugh about some of these things too. When I was called a "rabid hag" by the commenters in the local press last year for objecting to Hooters, my friends & I all had a big laugh about the unoriginality of the insults.

My suggestion would be to try and get some friends who feel as passionately as you do and then you'll be able to share your feelings with them and you won't feel that things are so hopeless.

I was at an event last year at which there were many young feminists. It's really heartening to see so many young women wanting to push the feminist agenda forward now. Things like that help!

I don't live my life angrily. I see things that make me angry and I respond by pointing out (calmly) why I think things are wrong or unfair.

Jess - Hah! I have enough trouble finding friends who don't feel as passionately about feminism!! [Billy-no-mates emoticon]

I'm just so very grateful to work in an industry where it's very much 50:50. Well, until senior management but that's a generational thing and I can't see it lasting - there are just too many talented women coming up the ladder. I guess I should take my comfort there....

I don't really know why you're annoyed about the 'proud to be a wife' thread. Surely it's a perfectly alright thing to be proud of your relationship, which will hopefully give you a lot of happiness in my life. I am happy to have my husband's name as I chose him, I didn't choose my dad.

And if you are married, then yes he is your husband not your partner. If someone chooses to be called Mrs X then it is only polite to address them as such, the same as if they choose to be Ms Y. I really don't see the point of getting your knickers in a twist over that.

Sigh.....

Well that's an intelligent, well-reasoned response. Congratulations, you're the new Germaine Greer.

If you're going to continually get sour about the fact that not every woman chooses to live the same way as you then yes you're going to waste a lot of energy for no discernible return. Instead of whining about people taking their husband's names why don't you get het up about something important like domestic violence, rape conviction rates and the appalling treatment of women in other countries?

D'ya see, ladies? Seriously! WTF?!

Annie, I agree with Jess, the best thing is to network with other feminists, so that you find a place of sanity at least once a day! Come to MWR march, join the FB group, link up with like minded women and feel that solidarity whcih keeps you going.

Sigh, indeed...

mrsjoyful, why don't you make your points on the happy wife thread, as this one is about how to be sane when surrounded by idiots?

Annie just keep going and make your voice heard where you can. No point getting angry, it's very counter productive. Just do your best to educate the next generation in your family, where your voice will be heard. You only need to look at the Chat topic about discrimination in the workplace to know that sexism is alive and kicking here on MN.

'sane'

Also honing your arguments on t'interweb means in RL you don't actually get tht angry because you've heard it all before

Can we help you mrsjoyfulprize?

Have you lost your way?

I believe Annie posted a link in her first OP, that might be of help to you in finding the thread you're looking for.

MrsJoyful - come back tomorrow and I'll be happy to debate all the topics you have raised.

Not tonight, though, sorry. I'm just too tired and need to go to bed. Perhaps someone else may wish to engage with you. I don't, sorry.

Annie - I feel your pain!! And I meant to say that I was at a feminist event tonight not "last year". It was great to be surrounded by all that energy.

I do know exactly how you feel. I've had this discussion with friends of mine in which we've said how lovely it would be to go back to the time before the scales fell from our eyes. Ignorance is bliss and all that. But unfortunately, once they're off, there's no putting them back.

I spent about 2 years feeling completely angry but have calmed down a bit now. I try to have times when I do nothing related to feminism just to have a break as it's very easy to get burnt out feeling all this anger.

However, be consoled by the fact that, now you have had your eyes opened (if that doesn't sound too patronising!) you can at least do something about advancing the feminist cause.

And one day perhaps we won't need feminism anymore (she wrote, optimistically).

Perhaps I need a cause to work on. I have all this emotion and nowhere to direct it but the unwary of Mumsnet!!

Funny the way people who rock up to say 'why do you care about this, it's not important' are always so full of ideas about what you should spend your time on. If domestic violence is such a pressing issue for Mrsjoyful, why isn't she doing something about it, instead of spending her time knocking Annie?

And why can the person who asks this sort of non-question not understand that it is possible to care about more than one thing - even where those things are clearly linked by an underlying theme?