Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

'Pushing presents'

172 replies

MarionCole · 27/01/2011 21:36

Sorry, a thread caused by another thread. I just didn't want to spoil their party with my negativity.

So - presents from DH/DP for giving birth - am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about them? They strike me as deeply patronising.

OP posts:

Cappster · 28/01/2011 05:17

I'm very, very uncomfortable with the idea of a push present

but I'm even more uncomfortable with your idea that having a child with difficulties would change a gift or make it seem 'gauche'.

It's still a lovely baby. It's still something to be celebrated.

sakura · 28/01/2011 05:53

Oh that's not what I meant at all ! Sorry if my English has regressed so much that you thought I meant having a child with difficulties would change the gift and make it seem gauche I'm quite offended that you think the opposite of what I meant, but again, I'll just have to put it down to the fact I'm not as articulate as I'd like to be these days.

I was taking the thread from madwomanintheattic, who wondered whether her baby would qualify for a gift, and commenting on the notion that a 'push present' has the connotations of the baby being a commodity of sorts.
But a baby isn't a commodity, is it. And never is this more obvious than when a child is born with problems. Birth and life cannot be commodified; a price or value can't be put on a baby.
I'm having problems articulating why exactly I'm uncomfortable with the notion of offering jewelry for pushing out a child. What I know for sure is I did not mean what you thought I did.

sakura · 28/01/2011 05:56

"It's still a lovely baby"

Just... my entire point was that babies cannot and should not be commodified by offering an expensive gift for pushing them out. My point was not that some babies don't deserve gifts

Cappster · 28/01/2011 08:48

Fair enough: that's not what you meant. I'm happy.

I think my probl

Cappster · 28/01/2011 08:48

sorry, stopped typing there, suddenly.

Not much sleep, you see...

BaggedandTagged · 28/01/2011 08:53

It's not the baby you're comoditising. If anything it's the experience of childbirth. Now some women may find that childbirth was extremely empowering and a treat in itself. I am not one of those women. It was blardy awful.

Now gimme my present

Cappster · 28/01/2011 08:58

But a sparkly gift... it says princess to me

It has the sting of pedestal about it

wukter · 28/01/2011 09:10

I got one when DD was born.

Let me try to analyse why.

DH thought it was the done thing. He wouldn't have wanted me to be the only woman in the ward/circle of friends whose husband was thoughtless enough not to The Right Thing.

It's OUR money, not his. And those long draggy months where I drank no wine, smoked no cigs, ate no fancy cheese etc saved up a bit of money - my disposable cash - so I had thought that I'd like something timeless as a memento.

I felt like a woman, not a girl any more. Beady strings from the market stalls were
alright for a youngster but grown up women are a bit more sophisticated than that.

I was fucking sore and weepy and wanted to be spoilt a bit.

So in our case, no it wasn't antifeminist. But then we didn't call it a push present either

NarcolepsyQueen · 28/01/2011 09:15

Isn't it traditioanl to buy an eternity ring to celebrate the birth of the firth born child ?

BeerTricksPotter · 28/01/2011 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaggedandTagged · 28/01/2011 09:30

Not really- the timing for an eternity ring was never set in stone (excuse pun) although the concept goes back to the Egyptians.

It was actually de Beers who popularised them as a first baby gift.

They also formalised the cost of an engagement ring with "A month's salary that last's forever" and repopularised solitaire engagement rings with "One diamond for every woman you love"

BaggedandTagged · 28/01/2011 09:31

lasts, not last's. The shame.

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 09:36

Well, I carried our babies, delivered them and my DH was grateful, so I got an eternity ring, a cotton bouquet of flowers and pjs. I also had major surgery.

It's not patronising at all, what a ridiculous notion.

StewieGriffinsMom · 28/01/2011 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 09:39

It's weird that some people think a baby is commodified [sic] if they receive a post birth gift..how ugly. I thought I got a present for sacrificing more of my time and life to carry our baby and so DH was redressing the balance.

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 09:41

FFs perhaps if we stopped calling it a push present, that might help.......eeeeewwwww.

Blackduck · 28/01/2011 09:42

I just don't understand this (and sounds like a wonderful marketing campaign to me!!). Its just another pressure to do 'the right thing', well, I'd sooner dp didn't bother in that case (we don't do valentines day in our house either....)

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 09:45

Marketing? Really? I got the eternity ring after baby 2 because we both nearly died and my DH wanted us around for an eternity.

Why shouldn't women receive a gift?

TrillianAstra · 28/01/2011 09:45

Obviously it's nice to get presents, but I hate hate hate threads where people ask who got a present, what did you get, should I get one, etc.

You just had a baby. I feel like you should be a bit too distracted to be interested in any sparkly earrings right now.

AMumInScotland · 28/01/2011 09:47

I think it's the expectation of a gift that makes it seem odd, whether it's the husband expecting to reward his wife, or the wife expecting payment. But then, if you have spent your life surrounded by people who think that's a normal time to give/receive a gift then you're maybe not thinking of it in those terms - like wukter's DH who did it because he thought that's the usual thing to do. The motivation then is just "it's what you do" rather than having analysed what it might be taken to represent and being happy with that concept. I give DH a Valentine's card because it's "what you do", not because that date has any real significance for us or because I agree with some notion about romantic love needing to be highlighted on set dates. It's separate from doing nice things together spontaneously, but both have their place.

TrillianAstra · 28/01/2011 09:48

Not sure if anyone has asked yet - if it is called a "push present" - do you only get it if you push?

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 09:50

It's not payment[confuse], it's gratitude. I don't think my birthday present is a payment for being alive....it's part of the celebration and making me feel special.

StewieGriffinsMom · 28/01/2011 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceWorld · 28/01/2011 10:12

Trillian I think I read that someone didn't get one because they had a c-section therefore weren't entitled as didn't push - then my head exploded.

OneLieIn · 28/01/2011 10:15

Oh come on, give your dp's a chance here. Don't you think some just thought, she's knackered and that was really hard, she's amazing and I love her and here is a gift as a token of my love.

I got a gift, out of the blue, on the understanding that it is really for dd when she is 21 (I have not told dd that!)

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread