"I'm lucky that I don't have to work"

[AnnieLobeseder]

I was having a discussion on Facebook today about bread machines and cleaners with some women, most of whom I don't know since they're 'friends of friends'.

One woman, who seems to be older than me, maybe late 40s, early 50s, said, "I hand-bake my bread and don't need a cleaner, but then I'm lucky that I don't have to work."

So, this made me want to reply that technically I don't have to either, but I choose to for many reasons including my sanity and the fact that I love my job. But since I don't know her I decided it wasn't the time for an arugument!

But now I'm wondering...

1. Is there a general assumption that women only work when they have to in the older generation? Or perhaps in our generation too? Do people still really believe a women should stay home unless there's a pressing financial need?

2. Am I seeing sexism where there isn't any; perhaps she thinks that no-one, male or female would work if they didn't absolutely have to, because she's never had a fulfilling job?

Any thoughts?

Having had a period of time when I couldn't work (due to visa restrictions) I am incredibly happy to be able to do so. Not working meant I was depressed and miserable. dh on the other hand seems to really enjoy being at home. So for us what works is me working and him being at home. Partly because I am fairly lazy, and it means I don't have to think about much, as he (at least in theory) does it all. In practice it doesn't quite work that way.

However it is undoubtedly true that it is very unusual for a man to be at home by choice with school aged children, and people do at the very least find it surprising (as do I to some extent, in that it's hard at times to believe that's really what he wants to do).

My role model in my working life is my father, who has only just retired completely at 75 (actually I wonder if he really has stopped, I wouldn't be all that surprised if he didn't have one or two things going on), and has spent the last 10 years having the most fantastic holidays whilst still being highly respected and enjoying very much what he does (he could have quite easily retired at 50 and still been financially well off). I would certianly have to both work very hard and be at least slightly lucky with opportunities to get anywhere near as good a balance as that. I wouldn't find not working, regardless of money at all satisfying.

DH earns enough (sort of) that I don't really have to work.

However, I want to work! I'm at uni doing a vocational degree which will lead into a job at the end.

Sometimes people look at me oddly when I tell them that I will be getting a job, but working is important to me to maintain a sense of self.

When I went on maternity leave I thought, wow, I could get used to this! But as the time wore on I realised how stuck I felt at home and it created a bit of resentment against DH and my working friends.

So yes, I am "lucky that I don't have to work" but I feel even luckier that I am able to work.