"I'm lucky that I don't have to work"

[AnnieLobeseder]

I was having a discussion on Facebook today about bread machines and cleaners with some women, most of whom I don't know since they're 'friends of friends'.

One woman, who seems to be older than me, maybe late 40s, early 50s, said, "I hand-bake my bread and don't need a cleaner, but then I'm lucky that I don't have to work."

So, this made me want to reply that technically I don't have to either, but I choose to for many reasons including my sanity and the fact that I love my job. But since I don't know her I decided it wasn't the time for an arugument!

But now I'm wondering...

1. Is there a general assumption that women only work when they have to in the older generation? Or perhaps in our generation too? Do people still really believe a women should stay home unless there's a pressing financial need?

2. Am I seeing sexism where there isn't any; perhaps she thinks that no-one, male or female would work if they didn't absolutely have to, because she's never had a fulfilling job?

Any thoughts?

well, i feel lucky that i don't have to work!

unless you count taking care of the children as work, in which case i do. but i don't have a job to go back to if i didn't have kids or when they get older.

i like it. i like that dp earns enough that i don't need to have a job. i like being a lady of leisure!

Don't know whether you are seeing sexism where it doesn't exist but I use this phrase a lot.

The reason I don't work is because finacially there is no need for me to and despite having a challenging, interesting and fulfilling career I prefer (for a myriad of reasons) to be at home with my DC at the moment.

The reason I use the phrase is that I am well aware that the majority of woman I know would if i) money were no object and ii) they could walk back to their careers in ten years after the formative child rearing years not work and so I feel very fortunative for the position that I am in and don't wish to sound smug or like I take my good fortune for granted.

Hmm, maybe it's just me - I can't imagine not wanting to work.

I think, when I've heard it, that SAHM's say this so that it doesn't sound like they're gloating?

sorry appaling spelling and grammar - but you get my drift I hope.

I would feel lucky if I didn't have to work (financially). Not that I feel unlucky that I do have to work, just pretty pissed off about it most of the time

But my DH would say the same, I don't think it is necessary a female issue.

Ok, I was trying to say what Nancy said. It's designed to not be a smug/rubbing noses thing.

Good grief, gloating SAHMs?! They can gloat if they want, I'd rather chew off my own arm then be in their position!!!

I didn't take her comments as referring to her being 'housewife' or whatever. Wouldn't lots of people love to not have to go to work and just spend time doing nice things?

So, I'm saying, Number 2).

I am with you Annie - i have to work for my sanity, enjoyment, being involved in 'business stuff' etc. However i have no desire to work full time any more . So i work on MY terms only and am lucky to be able to do that (although that is more down to how i studied and worked in my younger years rather than what DH does IYSWIM)

Annie I think your attitude is very dependant on whether you have children, how many and their ages and if you give up work to raise children, the chances of you going back to a career.

I certainly can't imagine not wanting to work ever again. But I certainly have absolutely no wish whatsoever to go to work whilst my children are young.

So now the question is whether it's a gender thing... if most women would rather not work, how about most men? Would they rather not work if they had a choice, do you think? And I'm not talking about being a SAHD, just not working.

i think my dp would feel lucky if i was the main breadwinner and he didn't have to work too

maybe we're both lazy?

Some women do feel lucky that they can stay home with their children, I do most days. Some people have to work and some choose to work! The worst deal is those that would like to stay home but can't afford to, what a guilt ridden nightmare that must be. I don't know anyone that stays at home that would rather work.

It depends what the person wants..... if i won the lottery I wouldn't work!

I am hardly going to win it when I never play it mind you.

It turns out in my life that I should have worked because my x was a complete tosser, but I think if a couple come to a mutual agreement where one runs the home/children and if both are happy with that, and each role is valued by the other, then I don't see that as being anti-feminist.

I see the role of staying at home being devalued because it's 'women's work' as being anti-feminist to be honest.

Always nice to have your OWN money of course, but that goes without saying.

Annie, they may well feel exactly the same.

"I'd rather chew off my own arm then be in their position!!!"

Oh I see, it's a SAHM bashing thread cunningly disguised as a feminist debate.

My DH would rather not work as he has SO many hobbies he could keep himself busy for decades. He would however need money to persue these

Posie - There are loads of women at home who'd rather not be, usually ones with two nursery-age DCs.

I was stuck at home for 18 months after DD2 was born, until DD1 was started school. I have never been so miserable.

withorwithoutyou - of course it's not a SAHM-bashing thread!!! It's about people being happy in the situation they're in!

If SAHMs are happy being a SAHM, that's great. I wouldn't be happy, so perhaps sometimes I have trouble understanding how other women are. Doesn't mean I think any less of them.

I would feel lucky if I didn't have to work. So would DP. Regardless of what you choose to do, it is a very fortunate position to be in.

To be honest your agenda is obviously to slag off SAHMs, so for once I'd rather not engage. I've far too much to say on the subject.

I don't get the point of this thread?

The lady in question doesn't want to work, and by her own admission doesn't have to and feels lucky.

I know loads of men who would describe themselves as extremely lucky as they could afford to retire in their early 50's because they hated work so much.

"...if a couple come to a mutual agreement where one runs the home/children and if both are happy with that, and each role is valued by the other, then I don't see that as being anti-feminist."

I don't either. I just wondered about why women who don't work are 'lucky', and if that makes women who do work to be pitied somehow, as they are less lucky.

I think when this woman said she felt lucky that she didn't have to work, she meant that she felt lucky that she doesn't have to work. Its not about you or any other woman for that matter.