The advice that's always MISSING from 'rape prevention' tip sheets

[SolidGoldBrass]

Which would be 'Learn self-defence/martial arts of some kind.' Not only does good martial arts training teach you how to work with the fact that your attacker may be physically bigger and stronger, but it's also supposed to do wonders for you psychologically WRT training your brain to regard yourself as not helpless when attacked.
Yet whenever there is a particularly newsworthy stranger-rapist on the prowl, the advice trotted out to women is always: stay indoors, make sure you have a male protector or at least a mob of female companions - it's never 'learn how to kick the rapist in the nuts and learn techniques that will stop you freezing with panic and feeling powerless.'

Surely the best advice would be "Teach your children to respect other people's wishes, which includes respecting the deisre not to have sex"?

(I was going to put "teach your sons not to be rapists" but I realise not all rapists are men)

i think you really must have to train train train until it is like a muscle memory

we had some self defense lesson in pe at secondary school

i froze anyway, much to my surprise

Captain Nancy: I agree entirely that we should teach our children not to rape, just as we should teach them not to steal or kill.
But as people do steal, kill and rape, why is it so shocking (and it is seen as shocking andwierd) to want to teach our DDs how to defend themselves as opposed to teaching them to limit their lives and police their behaviour.

I wish there was more literature aimed at men. Most of the time it's men who rape, but it's always women who are lectured about how to prevent rape.

I think there is a link between the focus on women's role in preventing rape and the victim-blaming that occurs so frequently - 'but she didn't do x'.

Well, the man raped her - he's the one who committed a wrong act - how about the focus is on why he did it and making it clear to boys and men that it is their responsibity not to rape, that no means no, how to deal with rejection, the importance of a woman's sexual rights, that raping is ultimately a loss of power not a means of showing it, how women's libido can differ from men's and how to cope with it, how what women look like is unrelated to their sexual behaviour, how what they wear is not about sex, how weakness due to excess alcohol is not an invitation to take advantage and overpower a woman's decision, and so on.

I don't think men are born rapists, and I think education could definitely help. At the school I work at, the outstanding Drama dept do some excellent work with teenagers working in pairs boy/girl acting out various different relationship situations. It's excellent practice, takes very confident practitioners to deliver it effectively and work through the initial giggles, but I think would be great if it could be delivered in all secondary schools. Apparently they have had some excellent debates about rape and violence within relationships.

But also general TV / magazine marketing and encouragement to editorial content in male magazines, I think would be the most effective strategy to get rape seen as the failure of manhood which it is.

What is not being said here is that the crime of rape is not about 'sex' it is about power and control of one person over another....rape is usually part of a more horrific violent event, and the prime targets are women, girls and boys.

Date rape is about planning to rape a women, gang rape is the same. These are not sexual encounters that 'go wrong', evidence suggests they are well planned and the victim is known in advance by those who plan to rape. Rape is also performed by men as an act of punishment or revenge.

Stranger rape is the rarest of rapes, most rapes are committed by men who know the person/s they have raped. Quite often relatives, family friends, partners friends, uncles , brothers, neighbours or those living in the locality.

Susan Brownmiller wrote way back in the 70's about the nature of rape and suggested that 'all men have the potential to rape,but chooses not to do so. But she added that all men benefit from rape, because rape keeps all women and girls in a state of fear....which makes us as a community vulnerable and quite often we sublimate this knowledge and pretend rapes only happens to women who do something wrong...

I agree with the comments that women and girls and boys need to be trained in the Art of looking out for themselves..but mostly rapists pick on vulnerable people, who are known to them, they are not likely to rape and abuse people who appear strong and confident to report the crime or who might have the ability to fight back.

Stranger rape (the rarest type) is when having some self defence skills could be a life saver..but remember if you injure a would be rapist you could be apprehended for assault????? Such is the empathy society and the law has for those who are at risk from such violent crimes...

snoozathon - I would love to find out more about that work. I am a drama teacher and would really like to cover this issue somehow. I did some work with a group of girls last year as a pilot and would love to keep building on this. Any examples of good practice would be a great help!

I don't know how long you'd need to be doing a martial art or self-defence course for you to be able to defend yourself - as a girl against a fit adult male for instance.

Against a group you probably could not defend yourself.

Dd did a workshop on self defence (aged 9) couple of days and she learnt how to free her arm from a grasp by twisting it etc. The instructor is actually a Taekwondu instructor but I haven't really liked the regualr Taekwondo courses I have seen. Maybe something especially geared towards girls but often these martial arts courses/clubs are not very attractive to girls/women due to the atmosphere there.

Are you envisioning regular ongoing courses for all girls at school, part of the curriculum, something like that?

chibi you say you froze. Does that mean you were attacked?

It's not quite the same, but my dh was mugged a couple of years back. He is a big guy (6'5") and at the time was quite a serious bodybuilder. In a lot of ways he was really quite physically intimidating, and he certainly wasn't expecting trouble. But there were two blokes and they had a knife.

Personally I agree it is empowering to feel confident that you are in control and can defend yourself. I'm not sure however that it would necessarily make you less likely to be raped. Plus I think if this was added to any of those sheets it would be yet another line of defense for the rapist - "they didn't do a martial art move on me so I knew they really wanted it" and no doubt the apologists would feel justified in the "they didn't fight so it can't have been rape" line that is so often trotted out.

Whats mising from rape prevention tip sheets? I know what you're saying here SGB, but I would have to say (and I actually thought maybe this was what you were going to say in the OP)

MEN - STOP RAPING WOMEN.

That's what I think is missing.

Its not an inevitable force of nature, its done by men, on purpose, to women. Men can stop it.

SGB, when I was a teenager I was living on an Army base. We were offered the opportunity to have a series of self-defence lessons.
Not Karate, Tai Kwan Do or any other fancy Japanese martial art. Just self defence, run by commando dads with daughters who wanted them to feel confident and overcome threats to their safety.
Very effective and included confidence, observation, potential threat identification, preparedness, some good escape moves and nasty tricks.
Worked well for all of us.

I found the following insightful (from blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/12/06/i-got-yer-rape-prevention-email-forward-right-here/here. It certainly gave me a different perspective when I saw the 'tips' from the pov of being given to men, to stop them being attacked:

"So far, I?ve got these tips for dudes who are scared for the integrity of their junk:

BE AWARE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING HOOFED IN THE JUNK. IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

1.Don?t leave the house alone after dark. Ever. You?re asking for it.

2.If you MUST leave the house after dark, go out with a buddy or in a group. That way if you get attacked by a junk-hoofer, there is a chance she might go after someone else?s junk, not yours.

3.Don?t wear anything provocative like jogging shorts or soft pants. Keep a jockstrap on at all times.

4.Walk confidently, stay in well-lit and well-populated areas, be aware of your surroundings, and make eye contact with any females you pass to let them know you?ve seen them. Junk-hoofers tend to target dudes who are isolated and who look weak, confused, or lost.

5.Call a dude friend or your parents and let them know where you?ll be and for how long. That way, if you don?t contact them again within the arranged time frame, they can assume you might have been hoofed in the junk and could very well be lying on a sidewalk somewhere with your testicles up in your abdomen.

6.YOU are responsible for your own safety. Call your local police department or junk-hoofing crisis center and set up a schedule for a Law Enforcement Officer to speak to your employees or neighbors.

7.Hold your murse close, not dangling, and keep it in front of your junk.

8.Keep car doors locked at all times. While walking to your car, look under car. Before entering your car,look into the back seat and on floor board: females are often smaller in stature and can hide easily in any of these places waiting to hoof you in the junk. Always have your keys ready to unlock the car door and enter without delay. Never walk across the parking lot digging in your murse for your keys; have them in your hand before leaving the building.

9.When you return home, have your door key ready so that you can enter without delay.

10.Flee if you are in a potential junk-hoofing situation. Yell or scream to attract attention. Carry a whistle that will make a loud noise.

11.Engage in passive or active resistance. Passive resistance is to think and talk your way out of a situation. Active resistance is to react immediately to startle the junk-hoofer. Use any available item (AXE BODY SPRAY, KEYS, MURSE) as a weapon.

IF YOU ARE HOOFED IN THE JUNK:

The Sheriff?s Department can only arrest a junk-hoofer if they are made aware of the offense. If you are hoofed in the junk, call 911 or the Police or Sheriff?s Department IMMEDIATELY.

DON?T CHANGE CLOTHES OR TAKE A BATH OR SHOWER and do NOT EAT or SMOKE or CHEW GUM. All physical evidence, including shoe imprint, hair, blood types, and scrapings of shoe materials from the victim?s groin area are used in court. Avoid using the bathroom prior to the exam if possible. Be sure to fill out a junk-hoofing kit, which you can be sure will sit in the police office for years unentered into the police database since they are so backed up with the amount of junk-hoofings that occur every year.

Finally, remember this to practice being observant so that, if your junk is hoofed, you will be able to remember and identify the assailant. You may follow the advice and safety tips recommended and still find yourself confronted by a hoofer. If it happens, you will have only seconds to decide your method of defense, so you must prepare mentally for the possibility of a junk-hoofing happening to you.

Addendum from Mearl: Please don?t be so silly as to expect that junk-hoofing will ever get listed as a ?hate crime? despite the fact that statistics show 1 in 4 men will be hoofed at some time in his life. The prevalence of false junk-hoofing accusations and overwhelming evidence that the accuser actually wanted to be hoofed, or is just trying to exploit the more economically advantaged accused, results in more than 80% of hoofing cases to be abandoned before even reaching court. It?s just the way things go, boys. Suck it up."

Sorry, that link again: blog.iblamethepatriarchy.com/2009/12/06/i-got-yer-rape-prevention-email-forward-right-here/

I think it does a huge diservice to woman to suggest there is anything they can do to prevent being raped.

Wasn't it well publicised in the 80's/90's that one of the UK's top martial arts competitors was twice raped by strangers who managed to overpower her.

I think she suggested later that her sporting abilities had given her a false sense of security.

I do agree that learning a martial art is a good idea but with a couple of things to think about.

• you do need a LOT of training to keep it current. You can't just take a couple of classes and then you're safe. You have to build the moves into muscle memory, learn how to use them with full force, build up your stamina and strength.

• you're not the only one learning the martial art. Your potential attacker could be too and they could have been training longer and harder than you.

• both me and a female friend (who was in different school) have had issues with a male student, so you could argue we opened ourselves up to more risk by taking the martial art than if we hadn't (on balance though, I don't agree)

• martial arts can be more about fear management than realistic self-defense depending on the art. Many moves you get taught as 'effective' wouldn't actually work on the street.

I'm currently looking for a new school and am looking seriously at Krav Maga - it seems to be one of the few that focuses on minimum moves, maximum damage and realistically deals with weapon defence, ground defence and multiple attacker defence. It also does a lot of work on training you NOT to freeze and how to get you out of situations before they even start.

And sorry for such an unspecific post - I have tried googling but it appears there are a lot of male rapists out there who are also into martial arts....which is what comes up in the search.

Nancy: it's a well known problem with sports martial arts that you're trained NOT to use the most effective techniques - the effective ones are illegal to use in the ring! So if you do need to use it for defence you haven't got the muscle memory to help you.

Don't get me wrong, sports martial arts are GREAT. Still have wonderful benefits to get you fit, improve confidence, instil discipline etc. Just don't rely on them to protect yourself.

It's not funny really, of course it's not, it's vicious satire on a very serious subject... but I didn't half crease up at no 5.

rubber I think that would be my concern - that woman rely on them to feel protected.

Especially young woman who often feel they are invincible may then be inclined to put themselves in more vulnerable positions in the mistaken belief they would suceed in fighting their way out of them.

Exactly nancy - and I think that's why I like the attitude of Krav in that the first order of the day is getting the hell out and recognising the signs that it's time to get the hell out before it even gets serious.

As my instructor always says - best self-defence is not to be there.

RD, that was the first thing I was taught.
Seems like Krav Maga has a similar origin, less dojo and more street smarts.

Goblin: I wouldn't be surprised if you were taught a form of Krav Maga - I know it's used by Israeli armed forces. Seems reasonable that very similar styles are used in other armed forces too.

I agree that there is too much attention placed on the victims than the rapists, as well as erroneously making stranger-rape seem like the biggest risk.

I think they should concentrate more on campaigns to make it clear to the sick fucks who rape that it is an abhorrent crime on a par with peadophilia. Make it clear that a rapist is a outright fucked-in-the-head sicko, not just a man who's taken things a bit far or taught an uppity bitch a lesson.