The advice that's always MISSING from 'rape prevention' tip sheets

[SolidGoldBrass]

Which would be 'Learn self-defence/martial arts of some kind.' Not only does good martial arts training teach you how to work with the fact that your attacker may be physically bigger and stronger, but it's also supposed to do wonders for you psychologically WRT training your brain to regard yourself as not helpless when attacked.
Yet whenever there is a particularly newsworthy stranger-rapist on the prowl, the advice trotted out to women is always: stay indoors, make sure you have a male protector or at least a mob of female companions - it's never 'learn how to kick the rapist in the nuts and learn techniques that will stop you freezing with panic and feeling powerless.'

Absolutely, I do think there should be far more self-defence classes which work to individual limitations and help with your strengths. From the martial arts boards I've read, some schools do this but I think they're a rare and lucky find.

"i have never felt so intimidated in my life as i did when i was in that class for 90 minutes every tuesday."

That sounds so unlucky, booyhoo. I too was in the minority in my last club and often turned up as the only female. I never felt intimidated like that though. I'm really sorry you had that experience.

It is something to seriously consider though - chances are in any martial arts club we're likely to be a minority. Especially if you have previous traumas you're working through, this is going to be a major hurdle to access decent self-defence skills.

On the flip side, I prefer training in almost all-male environments - a) because I have previously worked in male-dominated spheres and now being in a mainly female-dominated environment (at the school gates) it makes a nice change for me and b) because if I'm attacked, it's likely to be a man and I don't want the false confidence by not taking the opportunity to check that any skills I learn can also be used on someone much bigger and stronger than me.

It does need a good instructor to keep people safe though.

I'm kind of on the fence here. I'm really glad I do martial arts. I would use them in a difficult situation, taking the risk I might make things worse. I have gained immeasurably by starting.

On the other hand, I know that I had NO IDEA when I started just how much work that it would entail. It's not a solution for everyone. I've had to fight through a lot of my own personal demons on the way. It's not the easy route to self-protection.

I don't really have a solution here.

it really was unfortunate ruberduck because it has put me off joining another class ever since. 2 EXps both did martial arts and offered to join a class with me but i now have a completey negative association with the whole thing. in my head now, martial arts are for men and girls aren't welcome. i couldn't bear to get up the courage to go again only to get the same response.

There are several 'womens only' MA clubs out there if you wanted to give it another go. As I said, I'm wary of them because of false-confidence issues, but they could be a useful bridge to getting some positive MA experience again - if that's what you wanted.

Perfectly understand though if you'd rather not.

I really hate that MA is seen as a male-exclusive pastime. I have met some inspiring female martial artists and I hate that so many are put off or choose 'softer option' martial arts (which may, ironically, not even help in a real self-defence situation) because of the culture around them.

It's so bloody frustrating, because I think if we could get a higher proportion of women in the martial arts then a) it would make it more approachable for others, b) it would shock some of the lads out of their comfortable stereotypes and c) if it was more common - would you get the same situation sleepypjs mentioned where crime was actually reduced as a result.

Wouldn't it be nice if one day we could see less headlines along the lines of 'woman assaulted, left for dead' and more of north wales woman used karate to see off attacker.

(Okay, more filler headlines along the lines of skateboarding dogs because nothing bad happened in the country even more preferable, but hopefully you get the sentiment).

it would be great sadly, i don't think the karate woman would get any praise for her bravery. I'm thinking mylene klass and the intruder she waved a kitchen knife at. she got a ticking off from the police.

KindersTrister....fantastic point being made by your junk-hoofer post.

When it is directed towards men, it all sounds so ludicrous but apparently womon are supposed to 'follow this bullshite!!!!! No I don't think so!
The point made earlier about MEN STOPPING RAPE is the best solution..failing that.what would anyone here suggest given the dangers inherent in training in self defence?

Mylene Klass's PR agent said that she'd been told off by the police for waving the knife. Hertfordshire police said they did no such thing.

snoozathon I would love more info on the Drama group work too. I teach in a high school and it may be something that we could fit into the phse programme.

Sorry for the thread hijack.

Another thing that I would like to add to this thread is how I loathe the fashion for women to be waif-like, and have no visible muscles.

I know that we will never be as strong as men, but we ought to maintain a reasonable level of physical strength, for fitness, raising metabolism, and in a last resort, to maximise our chances in a struggle.

It seems to me that this is just another way of society forcing women into victimhood.

I have known girls give up gymnastics, because it was making them too muscular. And I regularly see posts on here in the sports section saying "I don't want to train with weights in case I get muscley".

I am a trained gymnastics coach (retired now), and having laid hands on a large number of girls in the course of their training, I have realised that a great many females have no physical strength at all.

This can't be good.

i am physically active and i enjoy it but i resent the idea that i need to become a fucking ninja in order to go through life unmolested

it just puts the onus on me for preventing rape or sexual assault

what if despite my training i am still attacked, is it my fault because i didn't do ultimate cage fighting training, or carry a gun?

i am sick of being the owner and bearer of sex, responsible for doling it out to men i love, and guarding it from men who would take it from me

what about spending time money and energy on the education of boys about boundaries and how not to be a rapist?

Yeah. Agree about the fashion. I'm quite waif-like in that I'm petite (a size 8) but with MA training, my shoulder muscles have become quite bulky - an odd mix to find nicely fitting clothing.

I've had to ditch quite a few tops because they were becoming too tight around the arms... not that I'm that fashionable, so it's been a mild annoyance rather than a major problem.

Chibi - I think there's a balance somewhere. I agree that there's a danger to see martial arts training as the onus being on the woman to protect herself.

On the flip side, I also don't like the sense of hopelessness generated by the feeling of there being no point, that you won't be able to protect yourself anyway, that it's safer not to fight back and just give in.

Yes, 'now not to be a rapist' education would be welcome. Yes, a lot of martial arts is fear management rather than self-defence. It's not a cure-all, it's not a quick fix. But for all that, I don't think its value should just be dismissed out of hand.

No, not every woman should become a ninja, but if a significant percentage were seen as capable fighters... don't know, could that have a positive knock on effect for women's safety overall?