Perimenopausal / menopausal women: what do you wish you knew before it all started?

[ChicaWowWow]

I'm approaching that age bracket, and sometimes wonder if I can prepare mentally and physically for any aspects of (peri)menopause. Sounds woo-woo but I kind of want to listen to my body and do my best to respond to its new needs rather than try and ignore it or freak out and pretend it's not happening.

What do you wish you knew before it all started for you? Any tips?

It seems that you're already aware of my biggest mistake and that was to "pretend it's not happening." Had I accepted yes it really was happening and I really was that old things may have potentially been a lot easier for me - and the people around me.

I became gluten and lactose intolerant after nearly 50 years of eating whatever I wanted. Apparently it's not uncommon but I was very surprised!

I imagine it to be intense and seismic, though. Even of you "prepare" nothing can really prepare you for the real thing - like motherhood?

Oh wow! I would have not thought of that! Must have been a bit of a shock.

I found it gradual.

I wish I'd known the long list of issues/symptoms that dropping hormones can cause. I've never had a hot flush or losing my temper but never realised insomnia, joint pain and stiffness, memory issues and disassociation, histamine issues and tinnitus could happen. I'm approx ten yrs post menopausal so there wasn't as much information widely available then

I'm only scratching the surface and it's crazy to me that given these symptoms, it wasn't more talked about until recently, that there wasn't more awareness earlier. How do/ did you manage your symptoms, if you don't mind me asking?

I wish I had know that my dry eyes and aching joints were a symptom of peri menopause. I would have started HRT earlier and felt a lot less rubbish.

I think that it's quite common to try and convince yourself that everything's fine, let's carry on. Maybe it is fear (of growing old, of many things, I dont know) and it reminds me of when I had PPD and PPA and it took me almost a year to admit that I was not well. It definitely took a toll on me and the people around me, I relate to that a lot. I don't know if it's because it's not talked about enough that we tend to do this sometime, but I bet it doesn't help.

Oh, that's interesting, the dry eyes! I've been having dry eyes now and again recently, and I never had before! But I'm also 1 y PP with my 2nd (thankfully no PPD this time 😅 but yeah, I'm quite an "old" mum 😝) and sleep hasn't been the best, so put it to that.

I flew through perimenopause, only symptom I had was less frequent periods and then none ( I know I had osteopenia about 5 years before I knew I was in peri, it became osteoporosis around the time my periods stopped completely). I was offered HRT at the time and encouraged to take it because I was so young to be postmenopausal (37/38) and needed the oestrogen for bones/cardiac health but I declined because at that stage the awful Women's Health hadn't been completely discredited and my mam had had hormone positive bread cancer twice.
By time I was 6 yrs post menopause I felt like I was ninety years old but when I finally realised menopause could explain it all I opted for body identical HRT and it has made a huge difference to my quality of life

I was stoical and battled through the sleep problems, overheating, forgetfulness, absent mindedness, lethargy. My conteporaries got HTR and now look 10 years younger, don’t have huge deposits of abdominal fat, osteoporosis, or chin hairs. I wish I had got HRT!

That not everyone wees when they run, that not everyone has to hold their perineum to poo and for me that it was a sign of prolapses.

The prolapses only made themselves known once my oestrogen went through the floor.

I'd never heard of prolapse. Or vaginal atrophy.

So I also wish someone had given me a tube of estriol cream for my vagina once I turned 40.

I have tinnitus on and off at the moment, I hadn't realised it was a symptom. Thanks 👍

I wish I’d started HRT before my hair started to fall out. By the time I went and spoke to the GP, it had thinned really badly and HRT didn’t bring it back.

I really was not prepared for how much my body and my mind would not feel like my own. At all. It's like you're living in a stranger's body and nothing works the way you've always known it to.

Exactly this. I seem to have fallen backwards in a lot of areas in my life and it’s taken a lot of energy to bring myself around and practically start again.

interesting thread. Im wary about HRT although I can’t really put my finger on why.

Thank you to you all for replying - these are deeply personal, and I guess for some painful, experiences to share, so I really appreciate. I'll answer to each soon, because I feel like I cant just read past without acknowledging your feelings (we women already get dismissed too often, and feel more and more invisible as we get older, and I don't want to do that) 💜

I'm 53 and have been perimenopausal for quite a whole. I became gluten and lactose intolerant a few years ago. I didn't realise it could be triggered by perimenopause though!

I wish I'd known to ask to see the menopause specialist doctor at my surgery (who knew we had one?!!) in the first place instead of wasting half a dozen appointments (over the course of several years of steadily increasing symptoms) seeing doctors who wanted to blame just about anything else for what was happening to me other than the menopause and prescribe just about anything else other than HRT!

I suffered unnecessarily for a ridiculous amount of time (43 when I first saw a GP, 50 when I finally got any help) and cost the NHS a considerable amount in pointless appointments/tests/medication which didn't help at all, only to finally be prescribed the HRT I actually needed and literally become a new woman by day 2 simply because I saw the right person.

So yeah, ask whether there's a menopause specialist at your surgery and see only them. None of the others I saw seemed to have the first clue tbh, including one (female and in her 60's) doctor who said it couldn't possibly be menopause related as I was only 44

I can’t recommend the Davina McCall book enough. It’s an easy read but so informative. I was having some symptoms but not enough that I thought I needed HRT so I put it off. When I eventually spoke to the HRT specialist nurse while having my smear I realised there was options. I started HRT and haven’t looked back, I wish I’d done it sooner. It’s helped me with sleep, periods, joint stiffness, palpitations , hair and nails, energy levels. The list is endless and the long term health benefits are huge.
I can only say I which I’d started it sooner.

Vaginal atrophy is very common. It will make penetrative sex excruciating.

Ask for vaginal pessaries in your early 40s.

Can I ask when you should start taking hrt then? Is it once periods start to go more random?

I wish I'd known that I might get no distressing symptoms at all, just my periods dying off and going away. My 50s and early 60s were the best and healthiest years of my life.

It's intense and seismic for some women but not others, so you may get lucky! But no harm in being forewarned and forearmed. One of my friends (quite a bit older than me so she's menopausal now) didn't have any symptoms at all; her periods just stopped and that was it.