Perimenopausal / menopausal women: what do you wish you knew before it all started?

[ChicaWowWow]

I'm approaching that age bracket, and sometimes wonder if I can prepare mentally and physically for any aspects of (peri)menopause. Sounds woo-woo but I kind of want to listen to my body and do my best to respond to its new needs rather than try and ignore it or freak out and pretend it's not happening.

What do you wish you knew before it all started for you? Any tips?

That I hadn’t actually strained my shoulder, it was “frozen shoulder”, another delightful symptom of peri. HRT has settled it all down.
That I’d have to pay to get it treated. Like a pp, a variety of wasted gps appointments where I was fobbed off got me nowhere. So I saw a private meno specialist, got a prescription and got my life back.

Yes we hear the bad stories but I know many women who either sailed through or had a mild symptom that then went away with hrt.

Yes we hear the bad stories but I know many women who either sailed through or had a mild symptom that then went away with hrt.

My late DM had to stop eating onions in later life as they gave her an upset stomach. In hindsight, I wonder if that was connected to the menopause?

That it was possible to suddenly start suffering with hayfever having never had it before. That the sun burns you far quicker. Most importantly, that a daily yoga practice meant that I became far fitter in peri and menopause than ever before, and far calmer too.

How old was she? I know both older men and women who stopped eating anything spicy or strong like onions just because they couldn’t tolerate it, like 75+

That my symptoms (insomnia, itchy skin, dry eyes and night sweats) would actually pass in a couple of years all on their own, seemingly unaffected by whether I take HRT or not.

I wish I had known to get HRT asap. I suffered needlessly for years with anxiety, bladder problems, hot flushes, depression etc., while my doctors tried one useless cure after another. HRT fixed it all.

The joint pain. I was 44 and could barely squat or bend down! As pp said, wasted a lot of NHS time and resources on physio and just thought that was the rest of my life. A week of HRT and it was gone.

That perimenopause is not always years.
That HRT isn't a magic cure for all symptoms.

Oh and symptoms don't disappear once your postmenopausal...

Dry eyes - I went for an eye test relatively recently and the 12 year old optician mentioned dry eyes at my age (he was suitably embarrassed to say that and countered with my job as the likely cause!!)

I wish I hadn’t assumed that my employers and my female direct line manager would support me when I was going through a battering with peri. I ended up being bullied/performance managed out, and I wish I’d had the confidence to tackle them.

I wasn't prepared in the slightest and knew absolutely nothing about menopause. I became suicidal, and thought it was due to depression.

That HRT is available and can help symptoms and prolong brain and bone health. No one needs to power through without help.

I'm so sorry to read this, it must have been hell. I hope you're in a better place now and have the support you need. ❤️‍🩹

I'm on the contraceptive pill (to control menstrual headaches) and I often wonder how much more fucking awful it's going to be in peri. I'm currently only 36 but I know I'm only a few years off

I've read all your responses, thanks again for sharing (and please keep doing so if you feel like it, I feel like we don't hear enough varied experiences of peri and menopause, so I find this thread super helpful ❤️). I'm gonna try and catch some sleep now before the kids wake up at 5am 🥲 To be honest, I feel like I might have a few symptoms mentioned on here (trouble sleeping, dry eyes, achy joints, mood swings...) but I can't tell if it's just life with very young kids, or peri 😅

I think it must have started in her fifties or sixties, but to be honest, I can't remember now. I don't recall her being averse to anything spicy, but then she would only have eaten a spicy meal at my house as her cooking was pretty basic.

The flooding.
I assumed that as things came to an end that periods would get lighter, and most have, but a couple have been like that scene from Carrie. I could feel blood pouring out as I sat at work or on the pub, I'd wake up in the middle of the night covered in blood despite an industrial strength tampon and sani pad.
I had very heavy periods as a teen and they had nothing on peri flooding.

Oh, and that no matter what GPs keep telling me, your late 30s and early 40s is not remotely 'too young' to be on peri.

How easy and what a relief it can be
you see all the horror stories but it turns out that being a healthy weight and doing reasonable amount of exercise gives you a good chance of having no bad symptoms

A list of useful reapurces, contacts, groups, potential treatments both medicinally, natural and alternative therapies.

Seeing my DM who I am close to go through it was hard. But I did help her especially as she is not computer savvy. So I did a lot of the research end finding alternative medicine for her.

The hardest thing was dealing with the mood swings and anger. She was never like that before and it was so hard to see my well tempered mother become a monster controlled by her emotions.

Shocking that doctors didn’t realise

Yes I’ve noticed this too, and that alcohol and unhealthy diet makes the symptoms worse