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Women's health

DD 16 just diagnosed with genital herpes

52 replies

Kathykath · 18/11/2021 06:30

DD is 16, in her first relationship with her boyfriend has just been diagnosed with genital herpes. She is feeling completely distraught and hopeless and worrying about the stigma and consequences for the rest of her life. (She is his first sexual partner too so I'm assuming he had a cold sore which he didn't realise.)

Can anyone provide any insight/experience about this and how it has affected them. I'm so worried about her. Can anyone offer any reassurance or hope? Thank you

OP posts:
Arabelladrinkstea · 18/11/2021 06:47

Homeopathy is the only thing I can offer - they say there’s no cure but after a proper course mine cleared up and hasn’t been seen since.

legalseagull · 18/11/2021 06:48

Poor thing. I have a few friends with this and they all say the first flare up is agony. As they got older they had flare ups less and less.

It should have no more stigma than a cold sore

Changethetoner · 18/11/2021 06:50

There's only stigma is she tells people - otherwise who will know? It's not like there's a neon banner over her head now.

Wallywobbles · 18/11/2021 06:54

Thé antivirals work. I've had GH for 33 years. Got it at 17. But it is shit.

GH really varies. I get regular / monthly attacks but they are gone in 3 days because I'm good with the medication.

Poor thing.

choli · 18/11/2021 06:55

Surely she should tell any future partners?

tiktokniknok · 18/11/2021 06:58

OP I got it from my husband who had a cold sore. I've only had two attacks in 20 years.

Kathykath · 18/11/2021 07:30

Thank you all for the quick replies. @Wallywobbles sorry to hear you get such frequent recurrences but glad to hear the antivirals work. do you take the medication daily or just when you notice an attack is about to happen? Do you know if yours is type 1 or 2?

OP posts:
Kathykath · 18/11/2021 07:32

@tiktokniknok thank you that was reassuring to hear xx

OP posts:
NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 18/11/2021 07:33

My very skeptical scientist friend was cured of this with homeopathy- worth a shot?

LeroyJenkinssss · 18/11/2021 07:39

No please don’t advocate homeopathy. I won’t go into the myriad of reasons of why it’s utter bullshit and people are naturally going into a quiescent phase which they would have done anyway. She needs to have a conversation with a doctor who is interested in womens health and gum medicine. There are treatments and it’s about managing the disease, flare ups and open conversations with any future sexual partners.

Peanutmnm · 18/11/2021 07:39

Search for other mumsnet threads on this topic. I know Ive written on a few. I can totally understand her reaction, and fear, and unhappiness about this but in the end, its a complete and utter non event.

Athrawes · 18/11/2021 07:42

Get her to a GUM clinic and onto a hefty dose of antivirals for a couple of weeks. She may have no other outbreaks.
I have had GH for 30 years (blimey!).
I now only get outbreaks maybe once a year.
Stress and poor underwear choices (rubbing in the wrong place) are usually the cause of an outbreak.
Good diet, exercise all help
Having a stock of antivirals at home and in her bag to take at the slightest tingle can help stop an outbreak in it's tracks.
Pm me if you like.

Franca123 · 18/11/2021 07:42

I was diagnosed with this about a decade ago but I'm not even sure I have it. I was told I needed treatment but they went away on their own. Never to return. Confused.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 18/11/2021 07:45

Some good advice here, apart from the homeopathy, the SRH or GUM clinic that your DD will be referred to will be helpful

MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/11/2021 07:45

do you need to tell a midwife of the diagnosis, i.e does it make a difference to child birth?

Kathykath · 18/11/2021 08:16

@Peanutmnm "non event" - perfect thank you, and have looked at older posts which are reassuring

@Athrawes thank you I have PM'd you

She's in a lot of pain today which makes it hard to put out of her mind

OP posts:
Cowpad · 18/11/2021 08:24


No please don’t advocate homeopathy. I won’t go into the myriad of reasons of why it’s utter bullshit and people are naturally going into a quiescent phase which they would have done anyway. She needs to have a conversation with a doctor who is interested in womens health and gum medicine. There are treatments and it’s about managing the disease, flare ups and open conversations with any future sexual partners.

Thank god,there is an intelligent voice here.please dont go down the road of homeopathy quackery.
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 18/11/2021 08:30

Is it type one?
It's really, really not a big deal.
I've got aciclovir on repeat prescription and take it if I ever feel a twinge but it hardly ever happens. In respect of telling new partners I've told them upfront I've got the cold sore virus and nobody has ever been bothered. Most of them have it too. I've never been explicit that I have it on my genitals rather than face but I don't see the need to.
This doesn't apply if it's type two however. That's a lot more serious in terms of side effects.

NameChangeNameShange · 18/11/2021 08:42

Everyone is different, for me (also 16) the emotional stress was probably a bigger deal than the physical at least after the initial flare up.
She needs to know she's not alone, it's so much more common than she thinks. A good woman's health doctor will reassure her and should talk to her about managing it and that includes when and how to tell new partners.
I carried the weight of it mentally for years, and I really shouldn't have.
Big un-mumsnetty hugs to your DD.

Kathykath · 18/11/2021 08:55

@CloseYourEyesAndSee she's waiting to find out whether it's type 1, but I'm hoping it is because her boyfriend has not had any sexual partners.

@NameChangeNameShange thank you for the reassurance and sorry to hear you also got it so young. I will show her your post. I am most worried about her mental state at the moment, I have been really reassured about the physical impact from people's responses here.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 18/11/2021 09:00

If he passed it to her from a cold sore it's more than likely type one. That's how I got it, XH had cold sores as a child but hadn't had one for years. It's annoying but the virus can shed any time. Most people carry the type one virus even if they never have a symptom.

HollowTalk · 18/11/2021 09:03

One of my friends got this at 16 as well and had a really bad reaction in the first episode. Subsequent episodes were never as bad but I know now you can take antiviral meds. She should see her GP.


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nannybeach · 18/11/2021 09:16

Sanitary pad with ice cubes for the pain
Some pharmacies sell a mild lignocaine local anaesthetic. The antivirals you have to take immediately. Future partners,only if you are active or symptoms and a sore. Frankly, wouldn't be wanting to have sex then anyway. Again midwife,active symptoms,you have to be very careful,about VB but hopefully that's a long way off. Me DH cold sore. Stress, sunlight,( no am not sunbathing naked!) cause flair ups. Saline baths, little warm water,handful of sea salt,soothing

ittakes2 · 18/11/2021 09:34

Unfort the best advice I can give is for her to accept it. I was furious my now husband did not tell me he had it and I had picked it up for life. I had it every two weeks and investigated anti-virals - but when I made peace with the idea they actually went away and I have had five episodes in the last 20- years. The only thing is she would need to tell future sex partners and midwives as tricky when babies are going through the birth canal as they can pick up cells. But its very common so the medical profession can give her advice at the time if she has a baby.
The type doesn't matter because in theory you can get both at your mouth and both at your genitals.

phonetica · 18/11/2021 09:41

Pregnancy and birth shouldn’t be an issue at all- genital herpes in pregnancy is usually only an issue when the mother catches it for the very first time during later pregnancy. Women who already have genital herpes pass protective antibodies to their baby. Healthcare staff will discuss with mum what to do if she happens to be having an active outbreak at the time of delivery but other than that it will be a complete non-issue. The vast majority of women with genital herpes are actually unaware they have the infection anyway as it is not screened for in STD tests and most people don’t notice or get any symptoms.

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