DD 16 just diagnosed with genital herpes

[Kathykath]

DD is 16, in her first relationship with her boyfriend has just been diagnosed with genital herpes. She is feeling completely distraught and hopeless and worrying about the stigma and consequences for the rest of her life. (She is his first sexual partner too so I'm assuming he had a cold sore which he didn't realise.)

Can anyone provide any insight/experience about this and how it has affected them. I'm so worried about her. Can anyone offer any reassurance or hope? Thank you

@ittakes2

Unfort the best advice I can give is for her to accept it. I was furious my now husband did not tell me he had it and I had picked it up for life. I had it every two weeks and investigated anti-virals - but when I made peace with the idea they actually went away and I have had five episodes in the last 20- years. The only thing is she would need to tell future sex partners and midwives as tricky when babies are going through the birth canal as they can pick up cells. But its very common so the medical profession can give her advice at the time if she has a baby. The type doesn't matter because in theory you can get both at your mouth and both at your genitals.

Giving birth vaginally isn't a risk unless you contract herpes during pregnancy.

Another one chiming in with PP: it is horrible to catch it and to have that first break out, but it truly is a non-event in the scheme of things.

I have had GH for 6 ish years, and that first outbreak was horrible. My original gynecologist was terrible but a friend put me in touch with a wonderful doctor who specialised in women's health.

The run down that she gave me was:

1. Many, many people carry the herpes simplex virus (1 and/or 2) and that I had found myself in the unlucky 1/4 who show symptoms.
2. It is not a question of sexual morality/promiscuity because it only takes one unlucky contact to get it, and you can get coldsores (same thing!) from kissing.
3. It does get better and can be managed - I have a stock of acyclovir that I take twice daily as soon as I feel symptoms coming on.
4. Herpes simplex 1 and 2 are practically the same thing, the difference is that 1 is more likey to recur on the mouth/face, 2 is more likely to recur on the genitals.

I would go to a proper healthcare website, like the NHS or herpes.org.uk/ and arm yourself with facts. When she eventually gets to telling future partners about it, she will hopefully be able to focus on it as a medical issue.

Two extra tips from experience : I get cold-like symptoms before I have an outbreak, achey bones, cold chills, usually centred on my hips or thighs. She can keep an eye on indicators like this to better manage her outbreaks. Also, for comfort during an outbreak, wash oneself with water or an approriate pH balanced soap, towel dry then use a hairdryer on a cool setting to dry oneself off completely, then cotton knickers. Being fully dry somehow helps ease the irritation.

Thank you so much for everyone who has replied, really helpful practical advice.

@AuRevoirRodney1 thank you for the advice- I would never have thought of the cool setting hairdryer tip!

sit in a bath, the pain is horrendous for a first episode and can also be for subsequent.

It is NOT curable ie she will always have the virus in her system no matter what anyone says that is the medical FACT it sits in your system and comes out when your immunity is low

A number of things help

1. stay healthy, usual healthy diet etc. But focus on things to boost immune system so it can be held at bay naturally. Keep things like sugar low.
2. antivirals help but mostly if taken immediately there are signs - they stop the replication of the virus and keep any episode short and light, get a prescription from the GP and always have on hand, if she is getting regular episodes keep her on a low dosage GPs prescribe 2 doses per day but actually looking around you can drop that to one a day and it still works once its under control.
3. You are more prone around period time - your immunity drops - if this is the case for your DD use the antivirals to help - if you know an episode approaching start taking them full dose.

In terms of relief and healing I find zinc creams good but it is messy.
Cooler baths (ie not a hot bath but maybe tepid) is good especially if you are having trouble when having a wee, just wee in the water and its immediately diluted and doesn't cause the excruciating pain. In the same breath DO keep drinking and stay well hydrated so the wee isn't concentrated and also this is general virus recovery advise (flush the system).

It may be worth considering some sort of counselling to come to terms with this. It took me a good few years before I told ANYONE AT ALL. I still limit who knows. Mine was a gift from an ex who screwed around on me, I saw the signs on him but was too naive to know what they were even at 30. It didn't show in me for another 15 yrs or so.

As to effecting birth, yes its important medical folk know you have it and whether or not you are having an episode as they may chose a c section instead of natural birth to avoid any infection for the baby. Many do not realise it can effect any part of your skin not just your genitals, it also spreads and scars and can cause lesions of parts of skin to others. It is a hidden epidemic of out times and is not taken seriously enough in my view. Painkillers I use Ibuprofen as its better on nerve pain and inflammation. There does seem to be an attitude in medics that you deserve to have it so can put up with the pain it brings. Don't let that be the case here.

RB68's post just reminded me: herpes can be passed skin to skin so two important things :

1. practice good hygiene - handwashing before and after touching the area or applying cream, don't share towels/pants/flannels, try not to touch your face/mouth/eyes/nose/ears too much (these are hotspots for re-infection).

2. depending on where the outbreak is (it will usually be in the same place) condoms are not a fail safe. The virus can be passed skin to skin, but this is far less likely when you have no symptoms.

Honestly, do not panic. I have never managed to pass it to another area of my body or, to my knowledge, another person. You really can minimise its impact with good diet, taking care of yourself, anti-virals and paying attention to your body so you know when it's coming.

Oh bless her, how unlucky!

It's so great that you have the kind of relationship where she feels that she can talk to you about this sort of thing.

Emotionally, herpes can be so hard to deal with. But it is so prevalent, so difficult to prevent (condoms do not stop you catching it) and shouldn't be any more shameful than any other skin disease. All you can do to support her is to reiterate this, give her factual information and be kind (which it sounds like you are already doing). I have to warn you though, when I get a herpes outbreak - which is about once every two years, it often starts with brain fog, depression, heachey and feeling a bit spacey and virusy, so this may be a factor in how your dd is feeling right now!

I've heard anti-virals can help dramatically if they are taken within the first three days of an outbreak. There are online services that supply these: it may be worth getting some in in advance of any future outbreaks.

Sending love.

shouldn't be any more shameful than any other skin disease.

So true! Very interesting that HPV is also a skin-to-skin sexually transmitted virus and yet it ways more socially acceptable to discuss abnormal smear results, it doesn’t seem to have the same stigma attached to it for some reason.

"Genital herpes caused by HSV-1 can be asymptomatic or can have mild symptoms that go unrecognized. When symptoms do occur, genital herpes is characterised by 1 one or more genital or anal blisters or ulcers. After an initial genital herpes episode, which can be severe, symptoms may recur. However, genital herpes caused by HSV-1 typically does not recur frequently, unlike genital herpes caused by herpes simplex virus type 2"

The above has been true in my case OP. And it sounds as though your daughter has contracted type 1 if her partner has oral heroes.

Please keep a close eye on her. I don’t want to alarm you but my first attack had me hospitalised

I had felt unwell for a couple of days with what I thought was v bad thrush/a uti/infection and I woke up one morning with the worst headache imaginable i then tried to get out of bed and couldn’t move properly and had to literally roll off and crawl to get help. My dm called an ambulance and I had to be admitted as it had affected my brain and spinal cord it was horrific so please be aware for worsening symptoms or severe headache.

I had to have a painkilling gel too (lidnocane? I think)

I had over 400 lesions and did lose part of my anatomy in that area which was hard to deal with at first

Sarahholt5542

Oh look, The exact same cut and paste comment i see on youtube and instagram…. Shocking.

@1997again I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience. Do you have many recurrences now?

@tiktokniknok thank you for that, I'm hoping it's type 1, there was no sign of a cold sore on her boyfriend but as he'd never had a sexual partner before I'm hoping it's more likely he had type 1...

[quote Kathykath]@1997again I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience. Do you have many recurrences now?

@tiktokniknok thank you for that, I'm hoping it's type 1, there was no sign of a cold sore on her boyfriend but as he'd never had a sexual partner before I'm hoping it's more likely he had type 1...[/quote]
I’ve had quite a few but nowhere near as bad as the first time. What happens now is I get really bad nerve pain usually across my bum and down my leg on one side, sometimes a few spots but usually just the pain it’s unmistakable . I have aciclovir tablets which I can take as soon as it starts

The first time was just so awful I think what happened to me was quite rare but it’s something to be aware of

I hope your dd feels better soon x

1997 I feel for you, I had a nasty first episode but wasn't that bad - mostly due to the volume of lesions and the sensitive areas they were and how long they took to go despite antivirals, it took 2 yrs to get symptom free and now take a daily low does of antivirals as no matter how hard I try I cant get symptom free without (immunocompromised though other health issues). I too had damage and it is very upsetting and emotional.

Article in BBC today regarding 2 patients who contracted herpes 1 from they believe a surgeon during delivery of their babies. It explains some of the medical stuff around what people have said here. What it doesn't say is anything about passing the virus to their babies - so even if its not the first episode and you have active lesions it can be transferred to baby especially through soft tissues such as eyes and nose, and this can cause issues for baby. I actually wasn't aware of the risks to Mum when I wrote my message above - well certainly not in the way outlines in the article.

sorry link www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-59338721

I got it at 19. First flare was unbelievably painful. I took tons of antivirals from the GUM. Never really had it again, perhaps once a few months later so mildly I wasnt sure.

I recommend a lysine supplement daily. Really controls my lip cold sores too.

@RB68 very interesting article and actually cause for some positivity in that these poor women got HSV for the first time during the delivery which must have contributed to the severity of the infection

@GrumpyTerrier that's great to hear that you never really suffered again after the first outbreak. But I'm confused- I thought people only got outbreaks on either genitals or lips but not both...??

@Kathykath Yes I didn't realise could be both either 🧐

Yes you could technically have both. If you suffer from cold sores caused by HSV1 then you are still able to catch HSV2 genitally. So somebody could easily have HSV1 orally and HSV2 genitally.

Spam reported. Sorry about your dd.