Emotional Incest?

[Itsthelittlethingz]

I have been dating a guy for a little while, I can't help but feel he has what seems such a bizarre relationship with his mum.
I almost feel as though I am stealing her guy.

I am going to list some red flags let me know what you think?

He is 28, some of the below is fine on its own, but when I think - he lives with his mum and sees her everyday I find it a little weird.

We were texting about 11pm,
he took a long time to reply he eventually replied - he said he's been watching a film with his mum.

He goes to the pictures with his mum

He went for a meal last Valentine's Day with his mum.

He was supposed to come and meet me this Wednesday he has now said he can't now as he is now driving to wales with his mum and will be back on Friday

Him an his mum go on holiday just the two of them together.

In conversation he once said 'me and my mum have quite an intimate relationship'
(I understand this could have an emotional meaning but it really made me cringe taking in consideration all of the above)

He once said his mum jokingly asked him if he's gay and it 'hurt him' (he'd been single a while)

Be honest if you were dating someone 28 years who lived with their mum and did all of the above would you find it bizarre.

P.s I am quite an independent self sufficient girl

I think that his relationship with his mum is going to be a huge issue for you. You're probably best off moving on.

I hate to say it but yes I would be worried. I don't automatically think red flags when a man is close to his mum but they do seem to share an emotional intimacy.
Depending on how you feel about him and whether you feel he is into you I would question whether you should put any more effort in with this man.
Have you discussed being exclusive with him? Or are you keeping your options open and talking to other guys?
Assuming you are around the same age, what are you looking for, fun or something long term?

I genuinely don't see any of this as an issue at all.

None of that would bother me but if it does you that us fine. Not all relationships can work out so unless you talk to him about it and he can reassure you it will change once more serious or you are living together I'd call it a day. Most of that is probably because he has been single and they live together.

None of those are issues that would bother me in the slightest

Is his name Norman Bates? Yes, he does seem overly involved with his mum. I doubt this would change

I think if you are concerned that someone is not replying to your text messages because they are watching a film with someone, then it may be you that has the problem.

Nothing strange about any of that. He's watching a film, if I'm watching a film I don't reply to texts, he's going on a trip so can't meet you, you sound a bit needy.

"Incest" ? Really?

If this was a woman watching a movie and having a few nights away with her mum no-one would bar an eyelid. It isn’t weird at all, but clearly you think it is so should walk away.

What a really fucking weird way of describing it.

I did all those things with my mum at 28 too - would you have judged me so harshly too or is it ok for a female?

If you don't like it then dump him but a 'emotional incest' because the man loves his mum?

The only thing on that list that's a bit weird is him specifically saying he has an "intimate relationship" with his mum. A close relationship would do, intimate is a bit weird. The rest seems fine. What's weird about them going places together,or watching a film?
To jump to invest is weird. Maybe a bit overly dependant, but incest? Really?

None of those things would bother me. It would all depend on the atmosphere and dynamic when you were in their company together. I can imagine me being like that with my ds if our relationship stays as comfortable as it is now (and my DD for that matter)... But I wouldn't be weird about him having girlfriends or make them unwelcome say, so it more depends on how territorial she is over him (and if he allows that) than the things you mention to me

Bit of a stretch to say emotional incest. He's a mummy's boy. If anything, you'll struggle to find your place alongside their bond. From experience, I wouldn't pursue a relationship like this. On one hand it's good that he values the relationship he has with his mother, on the other it just doesn't bode well for a girlfriend.

Some people think that the word 'intimate' just means 'close'....

context is everything, but i'd be more concerned if say, she does all his laundry for him, cooks, cleans, tidies up after, waits upon, takes no rent.

Something about it just feels really strange as though he is almost replacing the role of her husband.
But perhaps not...
This dynamic is not something I have dealt with before and as some have said - I probably would find it difficult 'finding my place'

One time I cooked us a meal, he said how his mum will be 'fuming' when she finds out.

All a bit strange for me I suppose. Thanks for your replies

You described yourself as self sufficient and independent which makes me think you just had a different relationship with your parents. Doesn't mean either is right or wrong but you're over thinking it.

Jesus Christ.

Emotional incest

What. On. Earth.

Yes she does his laundry etc. They live with each other which is fine but then on top of that it seems as though they virtually date each other as well. I understand it's good to have family ethics and to care for your mother but this just felt bizarre.

Maybe it has more to do with me and the above is the norm

Look, this relationship is not right for you.

Don’t set yourself up to upset his relationship with his mum - just move on and find someone else.

They live with each other which is fine but then on top of that it seems as though they virtually date each other as well.

I really think this problem is all yours. Who even comes up with something like that because a man spends time doing stuff with his own mother? My god I feel so saddened that my future relationships with my D.C. could be views as weird.

Personally none of this strikes me as odd at all. It sounds like he's close to her and bodes well for a future life partner because he is very capable of having a close relationship with a woman. He seems to understand that relationships with other people require nurturing by putting in time and effort.

On the other hand, you sound a bit threatened by it, and if you can't overcome that and there's a danger of you driving wedge between them, then it doesn't sound like a great match. Him being close to his mum isn't any competition for you.

Fuming over you cooking a dinner? Was that because that's her default reaction or because he'd already confirmed he'd be home for dinner and now at short notice he wouldn't be? That's the only thing that sounds a bit off imo

he lives with his mum and sees her everyday I find it a little weird.

I think you're the one with the problem.

Incest really?

None of those are issues, stand alone or not.