Emotional Incest?

[Itsthelittlethingz]

I have been dating a guy for a little while, I can't help but feel he has what seems such a bizarre relationship with his mum.
I almost feel as though I am stealing her guy.

I am going to list some red flags let me know what you think?

He is 28, some of the below is fine on its own, but when I think - he lives with his mum and sees her everyday I find it a little weird.

We were texting about 11pm,
he took a long time to reply he eventually replied - he said he's been watching a film with his mum.

He goes to the pictures with his mum

He went for a meal last Valentine's Day with his mum.

He was supposed to come and meet me this Wednesday he has now said he can't now as he is now driving to wales with his mum and will be back on Friday

Him an his mum go on holiday just the two of them together.

In conversation he once said 'me and my mum have quite an intimate relationship'
(I understand this could have an emotional meaning but it really made me cringe taking in consideration all of the above)

He once said his mum jokingly asked him if he's gay and it 'hurt him' (he'd been single a while)

Be honest if you were dating someone 28 years who lived with their mum and did all of the above would you find it bizarre.

P.s I am quite an independent self sufficient girl

Emotional incest 😱 now I really have heard it all.

@ScottlansEyebrows

Your brother sounds similar to this guy. I understand it's good to be close to your parents but they're like husband and wife. It's just bizarre

I think you might be dating my ex. It was a no from me, too

If you feel uncomfortable, listen to your feelings; does not sound like he is going to change and if you have doubts this early in, when people are usually on their best behaviour then listen to them. Even if others feel his behaviour is okay, it is you in the relationship, so do what is best for you.

Sounds like he has been filling the role of a partner in many ways for his mother, I know a few people who behaved like this with their children and have these kinds of co-dependent relationships and it does become a problem when the child gets a partner. Seen it with my partner’s brother and their mum after she separated from their dad and my friend’s husband and his mum after his father passed away. All hell broke loose when they moved out and the mothers felt they were no longer number 1 priority, proceed with caution.

I'm really surprised by the replies you've got. I think you would have got more sensible responses if you'd posted in Relationships.

It is really weird for a man to go out for dinner with his mum on Valentine's Day. I would say the same about a woman going out for dinner with her dad on Valentine's Day.

The other things might be ok but I'm a strong believer in following your instincts, and your instinct is that their relationship is too close, and if it feels weird, it probably is.

All those PPs saying it's no big deal can date him if they want but that doesn't mean you have to.

End it and move on.

Emotional incest is generally used with discussing burdening children with adult caring role, as shown in the defintion "that should be sought through an adult relationship". It's difficult to apply that automatically with an adult child.

Personally, I'd feel weirded out by him calling their relationship intimate and I have some concerns about him feeling hurt about that gay question (hurt because he thought she should know him better or...?) as I've seen guys entirely not bothered when asked that my family/friends and some who go off. As someone not close to my family, I don't think I'd be a match for someone that close to theirs. It was hard enough the times I went on holiday with my in-laws, being so involved would not have worked for me.

However, some of those don't bother me in the slightest - my MIL did the car thing with my SIL, my mother went out on Vday with my grandfather after my grandmother died (as it's so close to the anniversary of my grandmother's death, I associated it more with that and their love of a good deal than anything else) and my grandfather regularly went on holiday with my uncle who loved to travel. I can see those looking weirded with the things that already weirded me out, but I don't generally see an issue with thoe things.

Yes it's creepy especially describing his relationship as 'intimate'... awkward...
Anyhow, I will leave them to it.

Thank you for your replies.

@BiBabbles Yes he said he was hurt, as she should know him better

OP google Jocasta Syndrome and see if they fit the bill