A bit of romantic dross for y'all

[LivelyLady]

I'm not plane in the park woman, in case anyone is wondering...but I do fancy doing something a la Kerry, and it might all go sadly wrong but here goes.

This one isn't scary btw.

There was a calm apprehension out in the garden, she could see the wetness in the air as though it were uttering the noises of the street...lorries passing in the morning, children kicking the leaves about. Just wetness.

It reminded her of an Autumn a long time back, time seemed cyclical and she felt immersed in her journey of love, loss, nothingness...then love again.

Except she knew that this time it was not love. Not...proper love, at least. She could hardly imagine actually loving this man. It was more that he had a hold on her...she wasn't sure what it even meant. And she had moved on from all that. She was grown up now.

Lucia stared out at the sky for a moment and found that her phone was beeping, and she hadn't really noticed.

It was him. She'd sort of guessed.

It made her slightly anxious...that was the second time in three days. Did it mean - she almost shuddered as it hit her that perhaps, he really did like her. The jolt of that after so many months thinking about him, and dreaming, daydreaming - now she couldn't find the ground, somehow - it wasn't real enough yet.

She thought back to the other time. She was thinking more and more about the lover she had said goodbye to years ago. The comparison was almost exact, a man who was attached to somebody nameless, somebody she felt he needed and perhaps more than he needed her. It was so hard to tell. This was dynamic, she would give him that, and he made her quiver when he stood at her door. Yes, that was the same. She felt almost breathless as she read his message.

...So, that was it. He had gone - he left this morning, had tried to call round but of course she had been out in town. She couldn't put her life on hold in case he called.

Lucia felt a sense of real sadness that she hadn't yet found the man who would sacrifice his plans for her, not expect her to wait for his every call. She realised suddenly how bitter she sounded, it wasn't his fault. She was just afraid. She already missed him and he had been gone perhaps one hour.
Lucia pictured him in the departure lounge. He wouldn't be alone. She barely knew him, but she felt sure he had friends - he was too alive, too exuberant, if that wasn't too strange a word for a grown man. He had a great deal of dignity, but so, she suddenly considered, did she - at least from the outside. Inwardly Lucia wasn't the kind of girl she wanted to be. Perhaps she would never change.

Upstairs the floorboards creaked, Lucia was comforted knowing her neighbours were there. Her son had started school that morning and she missed his presence - he was very bouncy and a great little lad, as John kept saying. John loved children. His were grown now - he was still very much involved with their lives, in fact that's why he was travelling - he had an event to supervise for his daughter. Lucia was suddenly envious.
She got her scarf and wound it twice around her shoulders. It was Autumn, not yet cold enough for a coat. She picked up her bag and keys, and left the flat.

A car roared up the road, much too fast - perhaps they were in a hurry, the road led to the hospital and was not easy to negotiate, with parked cars along each side.

She took no notice and walked towards the main road once more. She'd a gift to deliver on the way to school - an old boyfriend from her teens had had a child, a little boy. Lucia had already bought the card and had struggled to find the right present, but eventually found a simple, organic little fleecy jacket in The Gap. She hoped they would both like it.