If you read a book with this in it, would you like it? I mean, would you want to read a book like this?? HONESTY ONLY please.

[Hecate]

I'm writing a book about being a mum of kids with autism. But I don't think I'm doing very well and am about to abandon it.

I do not want to waste my time - and I can take it if you tell me that my writing is a bit pants!

I have pasted 2 little bits of my book for you to take a look at, if you feel like it and if you have time (I'm not ordering you or anything.... )

Please be honest, if you think I'm not good enough and I am fooling myself, please say so, I shall not be at all offended.

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I read somewhere that dolphins are never fully asleep. That only half their brain is sleeping at a time. I know what that's like because I have been doing that for nearly 8 years. The slightest noise and I am awake and ready to go, or more accurately, to prevent/ restrain or rescue. On this occasion however, the footsteps were approaching, not trying to sneak down the stairs or into the bathroom. I opened an eye. Horizontal was standing by the bed. "For Mummy" he said and extended his arms, hands clasped together. "Hurg a murgle" I grunted. I don't regain the power of speech until at least my 4th coffee but roughly translated it's "A present for mummy? How kind, thank you".

I held out my hand. This was a rookie mistake and I should have known better. Rule no 1. Always look first. Anyway, too late and I was now holding a large, warm, slightly moist poo. "Mwrunf" I said ("Thank you".)

I'm dreading Mother's Day.

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This second bit is something I wrote yonks ago for a blog I was doing but abandoned, and have now stuck in my book attempt!

International Tantrum Scale explained.

I.T.S. 1
The smallest eruption on the ITS. Characterised by reddening of face and stiffening of limbs. Accompanied by high pitched wailing and 'Mexican wave' type tremble beginning at subject's toes and ending by vibrating of subject's hair.
Diffusion Strategies
Make 'em laugh. Pull a silly face, do a daft dance, they forget to paddy! (Although you are subsequently banned from Tesco)

I.T.S.2
More violent than the I.T.S.1, but still manageable. Contains all the characteristics of the I.T.S.1, with the helpful addition of holding of breath until subject loses consciousness. Variation on the I.T.S.2 is for subject to retain consciousness, but to retch until lunch is regurgitated over hapless parent.
Diffusion Strategies
Alone time. Secure area. Walk away. (not suitable in all environments)

I.T.S.3
Subject resorts to fisticuffs. Flailing of limbs becomes less random and instead is aimed at hapless parent's head and sensitive bits. Subject may also grab breakable objects nearby and hurl them with unerring accuracy at hapless parent's head. Screaming now beats Boeing 747 for sheer volume, with added bonus of being so highly pitched that every window in the house is shattered. Hapless parents glasses are also, sadly, lost at this time.
Diffusion Strategies
Squash-em-and-see. Sit on subject. Wrap arms and legs round body and tuck head into back of subject, to protect yourself! Hapless parent permitted to amuse self by putting hand repeatedly over subject's mouth to create wa-wa-wa-wa sound. Ensure subject has no access to weapon or hapless parent for 48 hours after indulging in this high-risk form of entertainment.

I.T.S.4
Remarkable combination of I.T.S.1, 2 and 3, plus scream so shrill that only dogs can hear it. Methodical and well-planned smashing of everything breakable and many things marketed as unbreakable. Glorious smearing of subject's faeces over walls, floor, cat and hapless parent. Series of punches, kicks and bites that would floor Tyson. Hapless parent subsequently sports wonderful black eye and split lip, prompting questions about state of hapless parent's marriage. Subject may also experience head rotation and spontaneous expulsion of pea soup.
Diffusion Strategies
Call in SAS. They have tear gas and bazookas.

Oh, whoops. Strike 'paddy' - I learned on here that it is considered offensive - I never knew that! and replace it with tantrum or scream or something - I'll think about it later!

I think you should go for it. It may take time and there may be times when you think it's going to fail, but definately go for it. The bit about the poo is funny - in an enlightening sort of way. Does that make sense?

Hi this is really interesting, and yes I think you have a potential readership. I like the style of the first part more than the second part, seems more mature and measured. You can feel the "blog-ness" of the second! Much more like a newspaper column. Sorry this does make it less readable, whereas the first section is more sensitive.

That's right, the second part, whilst interesting, comes across as being part of an article, stating figures, whereas the first bit gives the reader and impression of what it's like to be the parent of an autistic child

Keep going, loved the story about the poo.

The second bit would work better once it is in the context of the book maybe slightly shorter or interspersed throughout a larger section of the story.
The first bit I thought was brilliant.

I would enjoy reading your writing it sounds good.

Very brave of you to post it up! I am writing a book too and I'd be far too scared yet!

I definitely wouldn't give up. The first part is v nicely written and thoughtful. As an editing point, I would stop using post-type punctuation..write out all numbers, limit use of slashes and brackets. The second part reads like you're trying too hard to be funny, while the first is tender and funny without the obvious effort. Is this too critical? I really like what you're doing.

The first bit is engaging and informative and certainly would read extremely well in a book. The second bit might be best as an appendix as it would be difficult to incorporate into a book written in the style of the first bit - you could refer to a ITS3 in the main book and refer the reader to the appendix for an outline of the scale. Good luck!

I like it very much!

I think you could easily use the second part within a context of other, more anecdotal chapters like the first paragraph (which was lovely).

I'd definitely buy your book, I can tell it will be tender, funny and human. Do keep going!

I dont have great gramatical ways to explain wirting styles but I think you have great writing abilities ,definatey continue.

The 1st one is quite funny, you hold the readers interest by building the suspense of the situation really well and I like the short sentance at the end.

I also like the 2nd part , and as others say , find a way to intersperse it through various parts of the book.

Ive read many books that use email and letter formats throughout, I like the change it makes in tempo so to speak !

but hey , who am I to critique, I cant spell , have awful grammer and failed english !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do read A LOT though , does that count ?

Lots and lots of luck with it and hope you enjoy the process. Will have to look out for it.

Love the first bit. Would definately find it readable and entertaining.

I would def read it and I read a LOT. I like the style and agree with FT that the ITS1-4 would work well as an appendix

Definately keep writing. The first part is wonderul, humorous and sensitive at the same time. It made me very eager to read more (so hurry up and finish the ruddy book already!!)

I was not too keen on the second part, it was too columny, and trying too hard to be funny. It lacked the warm sensitivity I so enjoyed in the first part.

I hope this makes sense

But keep going, it would definately something I would read!!

You've got some interesting material, but maybe a writing course would help? There are good OU ones ...

hecate.. why don't you post another patch in the first style (will still buy book!)

Thank you folks. I appreciate your comments and the fact you even took time to read through!! I too feel that what I write is not good enough to publish, I think I have an amateur (blog type) style, but not a writer's style, so yes, perhaps a proper writing course would be a good idea. I just fear they'd laugh at me thinking I had a chance!! I knew I could rely on Mumsnet to tell it like it is!

I think your writing is funny and lucid and that your dead brave for posting it. I have written 3 chapters of a book and I wish I'd thought to post the first chapter to see what people thought.

I particalarly like the style of the 1st extract. I found the 2nd extract funny too, but the style was very different. The sentences are too short I think. Maybe you could personalise the 2nd extract a bit more?

Hecate, another vote for the first tranche, warm and well-written.

I like the idea of having a glossary to explain the acronyms in hte second tranche.

More please !

I liked the first bit, v funny and wanted to read more. Why is "paddy" considered offensive? Not a word I use much but didn't know it could offend?

Ok. [nervous]

Taken randomly, in no order whatsoever!!!!!

Every book I had read told me about your newborn searching your face, gazing into your eyes, bonding.

So when I fed my son and he found the walls, the ceiling, the window, or even the small dot of total nothing about 6 inches past my face, all preferable to looking at me, it was hard not to take it personally.

?He doesn?t love me? I would wail, ?He can tell I?m a bad mother.?

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I was crawling round the living room, sniffing the air, when I happened to look up, some movement caught my eye, there was the postman, staring through the window. My first thought was ?What is he looking at?. Then I realised it is probably quite unusual to see a woman crawling round the floor, apparently sniffing the carpet. My second thought was how truly odd my life is, that I actually wondered why he was staring.

Of course, I was playing the all time classic ?Hunt the Poo?. Being blessed with not one but 2 children who, until recently, saw the toilet as only one of many interesting options, I spent a disturbing amount of my time tracking errant deposits.

I think the most memorable was the time I found one on the living room windowsill. I couldn?t help but wonder whether it had been deposited there directly, or transferred post-poo. I also wondered what the people who had passed by my window that day would be thinking.

Lump in my throat

There are bits inbetween these bits, btw! They aren't just slammed together! They are snippets from larger passages, iyswim!