What puts you off a book immediately?

[EishetChayil]

For me it's opening a book and discovering it's written in the second person. I can't bring myself to read on. It makes me squirm too much. Just about acceptable in a (very) short story, but not a whole novel.

I'm also no fan of epistolary form, if I'm perfectly honest.

*When you get an email from the Principal, and it's full of basic errors, it makes you wonder about the standards for everyone.
*
To be fair the letter from the principal is likely to have been typed up by a member of office staff on MW.

Dd(14) was showing me her French exercise book last night and the French for "cereal and its derivatives" (about the food pyramid) was translated into English as "its depravities", so students were advised that they should indulge in depravities 4-6 times a week.

She swears up and down that this is what the teacher wrote on the board and everyone copied it into their books.

Ha ha - I’ve just eaten a depraved crumpet - and very good it was too! (Don’t get me started on some teachers…. And their defenders on MN saying it’s not important whether they are illiterate, so long as they relate to the kids )

Couldn’t sleep last night and was thinking about this thread, and particularly the point about “reverse insults” of the heroine, ie a flaw that makes her quirky and not perfect. Just started reading a book and the main character is frustrated by her mane of unruly dark curls which keep tumbling down. Yeah, so stressful. In a list of life’s problems, having a mane of tumbling curls would be my no. 1 bugbear….

Are they tumbling all the way off?

Newspaper reports in novels.

Why on earth published authors have such a tin ear for the language and style of a newspaper article, I don't know. They're always structured weirdly and written in an odd, chatty style that I have never ever seen in a real national or local newspaper.

The only exception is Val McDermid who was a journalist herself.

Dotty Harmer........having a mane of tumbling curls would be my no.1 bugbear....

Books by middle aged blokes about a middle aged bloke who is constantly fighting off women fifteen years younger than him.

Loads of characters introduced at the beginning - I will forget them and read the rest of the book in a state of befuddlement.

Poetry

Anything where women forgive shitty behaviour by men because they luffs them

Creepy descriptions of women. Particularly if in odd outfits - she looked sexy in her blue silk blouse, the heels of her stilettos made her long smooth legs appear even longer, her breasts swelled at the neck of her draw-string top

Ant sort of graphic rape scene.

@MarshmallowSwede

Ant sort of graphic rape scene.

Yes, and especially if it's used as a plot device to justify some kind of macho revenge plot.

Any book cover that says "by Martin Amis" on the cover
The word "girl" in the title (with a few honourable exceptions)
A cover showing cupcakes, prosecco or high heels.
Any book where the blurb claims it is "hilarious" or "laugh out loud".

@Mummyford

Any dialogue tags other than 'he said,' 'she said,' or, keeping up with the times, 'they said.'

The first time someone grinds out, gasps, exclaims, shrieks, hollers, rumbles or laughs a line of dialogue, I'm out. I can sometimes accept a murmur if it's a particularly witty aside or a whisper if hiding from a murderous psychopath.

I once read a book where instead of the characters saying stuff they constantly ejaculated.

I recently gave up on a book because the whole thing was written as a transcript of recorded interviews with the characters. And each character was given full name in their first quote only, the rest were initials, so difficult to remember
I hate it when interviewers do this in magazine articles, even worse in a full length novel.

Any book cover that says "by Martin Amis" on the cover

That's entirely fair.

Combining several bad tropes, I read a book not long ago where the heroine's small petite curvy figure with tumbling curls (that she battled with) turned into her tall straight boy-like body within two pages.

I hate the series books where huge amounts of the book are spent going over old ground, i.e. explaining what happened or character introductions that had already been done in the earlier books of the series. Yes, I know they do it for people who've not read earlier books of the series, but it's very annoying for those who have.

The latest Wilbur Smith was terrible for that. Constantly going over old ground and it just ruins the flow of the book.

Did someone here say Apple Tree Yard was awful?? I loved that book.

I dislike any novel where a character lies prone on a sofa. Prone means face down!

@MilkTooth

Any book cover that says "by Martin Amis" on the cover

That's entirely fair.

Yes, I'll agree to that too.

I'll add in any that are written by Sophie Kinsella, as her bloody shopaholic heroine was toe-curlingly cringey.

Books where the characters address each other by their first names all the time:

'Margery, I've got to tell you something... I'm leaving'
'Oh, Peter, surely not?'
Yes, Margery, I can't take it any more'
Peter, you can't, what will I do?'
I don't know, Margery, you just have to get by...'

I love, love, love Agatha Christie novels - I know she's not renowned for her writing style - but she is incredibly guilty of this, and once I noticed it, it really jarred. Still reread them loads though!

The modern trend of writing in the present tense as has been mentioned here. It's irritating in the extreme and just so wrong.

Ahhhhh, but therein might lie a clue , @WilliamofBaskerville ! I think it’s in A Murder is Announced (I may well be incorrect) where a character says something like, “Yes, Margery, I just can’t take it any more.” And then later says, “Yes, Marjoram, I just….” And there’s the reader, if they notice at all, thinking it’s a misprint. But no!!!! (Sorry, I’ve somewhat revealed the murderer now….)

Books written in the format of diary entries or letters. Yuk.

I can't stand badly written books , i know straight away and will usually ditch it, plenty of well written books to read so don't waste my time !
A child character , too young to speak but given script anyway in stupid baby talk, i just started The serial killers wife , both badly written and baby talk - waste of 99p on amazon !
Pretentious character names and also as someone mentioned earlier using fashionable names of the moment on older characters.
Anything with the slightest whiff of chic lit.

Obvious 'chick lit' covers (bright colours, stick girls with shopping bags etc).

Stupid younique names

Going back to OP, I too dislike epistolary bits to move the plot along, rather than actually writing some plot. I read a lesser-known Wilkie Collins recently and there were too many letters explaining motivation and next move, eg “Dear Clarissa, I must tell you immediately of my journey to Broadstairs to meet with the mysterious captain of whom we yet know so little. Well, it turns out he is Captain Pertwee whose ship has sailed from…… “