Tell me a book where you said, "wow, that was blankety blank awful!"

[MrsMuddle]

Following on from the other thread, which books did you hate with a passion? I'll start with The Accidental by Ali Smith, and also Mr Golightly's Holiday by Sally Vickers. Both appallingly awful books, IMO. Next...

Can I join in? The guy who wrote "Perfume" which was very good, also wrote a pile of crap about a man who was scared of a pigeon. Can't remember title, and didn't manage to read it all, as found it laughable....

The Historian. Recently read if for book club. Biggest load of old tosh! Can go into a longer diatribe if necessary!!!

fizzbuss - I think it was called, ahem, 'The Pigeon' (imaginative). Have to say I agree - it wasn't nearly as good as Perfume, which I loved.

(sorry - fizzbuzz, even)

'Valhalla Rising' by a guy called Clive Cussler (apparently a bestselling author!). It was just about the biggest pile of tripe anyone could have concocted. Actually, I read it all because it was just so jaw-droppingly crap, page after page, that it was entertaining in a way. (Before you wonder where I got it from - it was on the bookshelf in a holiday villa I stayed in)

Another vote for Captain Corelli. I've tried it about three times, and I even checked the page numbers to make sure I hadn't got a duff book. It felt like pages and chapters were inserted at random. Awful.

geekgrrrl - dh rates the Clive Cussler book he read (can't remember which one) as the worst book he's ever read - he kept reading the worst bits out to me and laughing. CC is now our touchstone for crap writing.

Anything by DH Lawrence
Anything by Ernest Hemingway
Hotel du Lac, Anita Brookner

I got The Island for Christmas-it is utter crap. Is she married to Ian Hislop?? Surely he would have told her what an embarassing example of poor literature it is. Would someone please summarise what happens so I don't have to read any more.

Whoever it is that is avoiding Birdsong, I know what you mean, I cried unconytrollably at the end of Charlotte Gray about the 2 little boys. But go for it, Birdsong is wonderful, unmissable, very upsetting but no children so just about berable.

I recently read his lastest, Human Traces, and this again had me in tears, and it did involve a child. Sebastian Faulkes seems to be able to idebtify and express the deepest emotions (DH gets very fed up with all the late night sobbing though)

All Brookner's works should come w/a warning: Produces a barbituate-like effect!
Do NOT read unless in need of a downer.

Ulysses by james Joyce

I also want to slap most of Brookner's characters. They're so stupid they need a kick, not a book about them.

I've got a friend whose written a novel and his agent can't find a publisher.

I know why.

He's a huge DH Lawrence, Thackray, Dickens fan.

Five People you meet in heaven - twee sentimental, hideous hallmark card ramblings.

Brick Lane - got half way through and realised that I JUST DIDN'T CARE what happened to any of those wildly uninteresting people.

Anything by Thomas Pyncheon - can't rember the names and couldn't understand the books and why so long.

definitely agree with Laurence and Dickens.
And Playground Mafia - trugid and very slow

I can't read John Le Carre.
Either I get so bord I don't care, or can't follow the plot. Or both.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin - gave up after about three chapters.

Charlotte Grey - Sebastian Faulks

Tried reading Bleak House about a year ago, but found it very hard to get in to - shall stick to the BBC adaptation!

Someone recently lent me If You Could See Me Now by Celia Aherne. It was terrible. Definitely the worst book I've ever read.

I know everyone loves it - but 1000 years of solitude (or drudgery!).

Da Vinci Code

Dr Strange and Mr Norrell (or whatever the title was)

London Fields

We need to talk about kevin

Perfume

I really couldn't get into either one, so didn't actually finish them. I'm aware that many people quote them as being among their favourite reads. I guess you either love 'em or hate 'em.

Also anything by Brett Easton Ellis.

I have been trying to read 100 Years of solitude for ages, the only thing its good for is sending me to sleep.

Figured it was too high brow and read Mums@Home, a 'chiclit' a story about a group of people on an internet forum similar to this. It was utter rubbish!

Oh I forgot about London Fields - God I hated that with a passion. I have never felt so violent towards a book and author!

Lucy Jones - I take it you didn't like Finnegan's Wake either.

Oh I also loathed 500 years of solitude, maybe I am just too boring and unimaginative to appreciate magic realism!

Yes I forgot too, anything I have ever read by Martin Amis goes on my hate list actually - The Rachel Papers, Money, ugh, ugh, ugh. Not keen on any of that magic realism stuff either, used to read it in college to impress a boyfriend who liked that kind of thing, can't remember if I finished a million years of solitude but it certainly lived up to its title.

Does anyone actually LIKE Martin Amis??

um I thought Rachel Papers was OK. Shall I get my coat?

SmileysPeople - if you aren't a Lecarre fan, why the name? Did you like the telly series??