DIET FAILED AGAIN thread 4 - Everyone is welcome to join our very supportive and friendly group without any judgement. Do come and join us

I got out on Friday. Last night 1 of my adult daughters told me she no longer wants any contact with us.I could probably have coped with 1 of these things, but not both together. I have been crying for 24 hours and I m not sure I will ever stop.

@Theredjellybean as long as I eat some protein pretty soon after running, and rehydrate, and eat some salt, then I’m better- it’s when I don’t do those, or go for carbs, I find I can’t stop.
I don’t have gravy, I am a freak who likes mayonnaise on all meals, even my Christmas dinner. I love it so much I make my own 😋

my food today, (all cals according to nutracheck):
protein oats: 30g oats, 30g chocolate protein shake powder, 10g chia, 200 ml almond milk, 40g blueberries and 80g banana = 370 cals

Small chicken thigh (80g) 150 cals

150g chicken, carrots, broccoli, probably 1 tiny roastie- and 1tbsp homemade lemon and garlic aioli- comes in around 600.

so more like 1100/1150 cals than 1000. I forgot about my chicken thigh!

To be honest, if I can keep calories below 1200 I find i don’t get as hungry as when I hit 1600+. To do 1200 I have to be superstrict and weigh everything and no snacks or anything, however I think once I start tipping into ‘treats in moderation’ territory, I can’t control myself. I would struggle to do this every day though, granted.

I do drink 3-4 litres of water every day, and a couple of black coffees in the morning and that helps as well I think.

Oh @Zebracat , I am sorry to hear this. What has triggered it?
I hope you recover well after your operation. Whenever I have had general anaesthetic in the past, plus post-op pain relief, I have found it plays absolute havoc with my emotions and I’m sure that, combined with your DD’s saying that, will have left you feeling really devastated. Try to be kind yourself and focus on your recovery 💐

@Zebracat do you want to tell us about it ? If you do we are here, if you don't we will just quietly sit with you and pass the tissues.
I've been through the ringer emotionally with my dsd2...but nothing as bad as you ...lots of hugs and support.

Thank you. I was blaming myself and mad with grief, I cried for 24 hours straight.but now I’m starting to feel a bit angry. I think angry is better.

Our eldest Dd has always been difficult, things have to be her way, very self absorbed. We have 5 between us and she has spent a lot of effort in trying to persuade the others that we were abusive parents. Given that our 5th came to us out of care, that was pretty offensive. We’ve always made allowances, oh it’s just her, she’s sensitive.I felt that If I tried extra hard eventually she would feel the love. She keeps fairly minimal contact and we have respected that. She is into all the genderqueer stuff, and calls me a terf. Feels I stopped the youngest being their true self because they stopped being trans. We See her at Christmas and birthdays.Things did seem to be going better, recently. I ended a message with love you and she responded I love you too. And she has initiated some exchanges, so I felt hopeful.
we have a family WhatsApp thing and she left the group on 24 th June after we got our new dog. She hates dogs. But we were not notified she had left .so I was a bit disappointed that she didnt wish me a happy birthday last weekend or ask how the surgery had gone this week.and I texted to say so. Nicely tho, I’m not a ranter .
she replied “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt. I should have said when I left the group. I no longer want contact”. It seems such a cruel message. She’s not sorry my feelings were hurt, or she wouldn't then just so casually end our relationship. It’s spiteful and cold. I literally felt my heart break. I hadn’t slept for 2 nights and I was in pain so not at my most resilient, but that message would have floored me anytime.
I got bullied out of my career about 10 years ago, and fell into a serious depression. I blamed myself for all that was wrong in the world, I was really ill for months. This felt the same. I thought that everyone hated me and I was ruining lives. My Dh had to hang on really tight to get me through that night and day. I didn’t think I could survive it and neither did he.
My Dh is 1 of those saintly people who rarely get angry and always give people the benefit of the doubt. But not this time. I was terrified of people finding out, I thought the family would either agree with her, or not understand that she can’t help it and upset her. That was not my dhs concern. He was furious, he said we’ve indulged her for too long, only a monster could do this to you right now. He just didn't care about the outcome for her. He cared about me. And I could see that was right. I need to focus on recovery, not be distracted by trying to win someone’s love who determinedly misinterprets everything I do. It feels like a bit of a breakthrough. I’m really sad, but sod it. It is time to be selfish.
so far off topic. I’m very sorry. But it has helped me to write it down.

Hello, please May I join you? You seem like such a lovely gang.

I am 57, 5ft 5 and weigh 13 stone 1.

I am not very mobile due to hip problems and am having an x ray on Friday to see if I need a hip replacement. Will be coming to you for advice @Zebracat . I’m so sorry you’re going through all this shit with eldest DD. It must be incredibly painful, but you do have to protect yourself. 💐

I am using MFP to calorie count and sometimes do 16:8 IF.

@poorpaws thank you for your kind words.
@Catcatcatcatcat welcome. . Sorry you are having issues. Best thing I did whilst waiting was lose weight, but I wish it had been more, and swim. I don’t know if you can swim, but if you can, it’s the best exercise with a dodgy hip, as long as you avoid breast stroke frog legs. Upper body strength is really useful in the recovery period. And i5 helped with weight loss and toning.

Thanks for the welcome.

I have been trying to exercise (walking) to lose weight and this appears to have greatly annoyed my hip. I’m still not convinced it’s osteo rather than strained connective tissues but we shall see. I certainly can’t afford to go private, so it will be a long wait if I need a replacement.

My only swimming style is breaststroke with frog legs, but luckily I bloody hate swimming so it’s no loss. I’m going to keep doing the exercises my physio has given me, and try to limit calories.

Well, mine was misdiagnosed as connective tissues I could not walk without horrible pain, it’s the load bearing, cycling would bebetter than that. And maybe train yourself to sleep on your back if possible.

@Zebracat so sorry to hear this. I'm glad your DH is supporting you, and we will too x

@Zebracat ...how old is your dd ? She does sound petulant...what do your other children say..it would be interesting to get their view .I strongly suspect they all think she is being awful.
To leave family what app and cut contact over a dog seems either narcissistic or immature.
Would she expect you to come running after her ?
I agree with your dh...focus on your recovery, surround yourself with your family who are loving and caring and hold onto the hope she either grows up or develops a "need" for you at which point she's likely to come back into your life.

Incredibly hard ..mothers/daughters...no bond can cause more pain nor more joy.

she’s in her 30s. I don’t know what she expects. But I’m not running after her. I am so shocked by the cruelty of this that some steel has finally entered my soul. I didn’t tell the others all at once, needed to process it myself. They are appalled, but it’s not out of character.I did find myself thinking that Christmas will be less dramatic now. She is totally self centred, has shown no interest in her nieces and nephews, just glares at them. And if she isn’t continuously given centre stage, she leaves in a strop. So we spend most family occasions waiting for her to kick off., or trying to appease her and head off a tantrum. She likes to be in control. I think she will be angry if we all take her at her word and there’s no further contact. I honestly don’t think I can forgive her, not that she has ever sought forgiveness.

@Zebracat i agree to talk to your other children. My sister is quite similar although maybe not quite as volatile and the impact it has on siblings is quite significant. Particularly the feeling that we can’t ever call her out or challenge her, and that then perpetuates their idea that they are right. I hope you are ok 💐

@poorpaws....now stop that negative talk ....you are not huge... you're really not.
Now on this thread we accept all sizes and shapes and we don't say stuff like " oh you are only XYZ kgs...I'm....triplexyz kgs...you don't have weight ti lose..."....
We accept we all feel as if we'd be more comfortable if we lost some weight from whatever starting point we are at.
But @poorpaws ...you have at one time put your stats on here ..and you are not huge.
So stop beating yourself up...
It's ok to want to lose weight and be healthy...but stay away from bloody m and s mirrors...they are ,I agree, criminal...

I agree. Store mirrors are categorically awful. There must be some science behind it, maybe they make people spend more money- but they certainly don’t inspire me. TKmaxx also awful. I buy literally everything on Vinted now.

it’s the last day of my 30’s today and I had a good day. I ate 3 red velvet cupcakes and a glass of wine, so yeah my food wasn’t exactly on plan but 🤷‍♀️ today, tomorrow and Saturday are my celebration days.

my 20’s were eventful, my 30’s have been secure and quiet to be honest. My 40’s are going to be brave and interesting. One thing I am certain of is that I am going to attempt to break away from this endless cycle of food/diet/ weight that’s been my worst enemy and my best friend for over 2 decades now. Ironically, I weigh almost exactly the same as I did 10 years ago, despite a decade of diets. I’ve already gone some way to making big changes in my life- including a complete career change and restart earlier this year- but I am going to continue and see where it takes me.

Brave and interesting... I love that!

Oh @Zebracat I'm sending you the most un-mumsnetty hugs. I do hope that you are starting to physically recover, and that your emotional pain has a chance to heal.

@thenewaveragebear1983 I've read your posts with interest. I'm a year or so younger, and could have pretty much written something similar. I didn't want to hit 40 obese and unfit.

Haven't had the greatest week. Ankle pain and extreme end-of-term exhaustion have meant that I've ended up reaching for the chocolate in the evenings, to try to stay awake.

But, this morning I graduated from C25K (finally!). Ran for 40 mins, and did the full 5km. Hard to believe that in April, I struggled to run for 1 min.

I shall be back on it today. Only one day of term left for me. I'm aiming for 89.something kg before August. 1 kg to go!

@Vebrithien keep up with the running. Make sure you stretch (yoga with Adrienne has a couple of really nice runners yoga sessions on YouTube). I didn’t run ever until 2018, we bought a treadmill and the first time I “ran” on it I threw up. I ended up running 1000 miles that year, and every year since. It’s genuinely amazing how quickly your fitness improves, our bodies want to move!

@poorpaws when I feel like that, I get the recipe books out. I like Jamie Oliver or 2 chubby cubs. Online recipes are great but I like to leaf through a lovely cookbook, writing my shopping list and menu.