Adjusting to weight loss and finding confidence in my new body

[CarelessWimper]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit lost if im honest and I will apologise in advance as it’s a first world type problem. But I’m hoping others on this board will understand and offer some advice.

Loosing weight has taken a lot of headspace and although I need to maintain I don’t need to obsess as much and that in itself is a great thing but I feel lost.

I’m 45 and for the last 20 odd years I have tried to loose weight. This year it clicked and I finally have the size 8 figure I have dreamed off. There are still issues with a few lumps and bumps but I do lots of walking (I have a dog) and strength training and I try and eat well and hardly touch alcohol.

Loosing the weight has meant that none of my clothes fitted so I had to buy different clothes sizes and now I’m hopefully at my final size, I want to get clothes that show off my figure but at 45 I had always concentrated buying clothes that hid my body so I’m clueless as to my style. Part of me is wanting to dress how I did at 18 with skater clothes and the other part just googled nice clothing brands for a 45 year old woman. I mostly work from home and I want to have fun with how I dress without trying to look insane or stupid.

I have also become much more aware of the other imperfections in my body, a lot that have come through the weightloss. Loose skin on my belly. My boobs look and feel deflated and my varicose veins are not only painful but much more visible and my skin in general just doesn’t feel as taught.

I will definitely get my varicose vein sorted out next year as it is painful and I don’t want that for the rest of my life. It will need to be done privately so any recommendations for either abroad or the North of England would be great. I’m just not sure how far to go with the rest. Should I be looking at a boob job and liposuction and skin tightening treatments?

Sorry for all the waffle, I guess what I’m asking for is advice on getting used to a new body.

I think sometimes when we loose weight we expect to suddenly just love our bodies and as you’ve experienced that doesn’t happen which can feel disappointing. I would say most of us have things about us we don’t like and lumps and bumps that we wish weren’t there. Most of us are never 100% happy with our bodies but the key is to focus on the good parts. Things like a great bra and underwear can make all the difference. If you love your legs for example show them off. You don’t have to love all the parts of your body but you do need to accept the things you can’t change.

As for clothes I’m great believer in wear whatever you want. Pick clothes that reflect your personality and make you feel great. If you wanted you could get one of those personal shoppers to give you some inspiration. Don’t worry about your age or what you ‘should’ be wearing. Wear what makes you feel great.

I am not anti cosmetic treatments in theory, but in your case, I think you are potentially moving into a level of compulsion and obsession that is unnecessary. Before you do anything OTT with surgeries etc, I'd spend some time learning how to dress and look after the body you have now.

Have you considered trying one of those style boxes like outfittery? Or booking a personal stylist session at John Lewis or similar? If your body has changed completely, I'd think you really need to figure out a) what sort of styles attract you and b) how to dress accordingly. Outfittery do these style tests but I bet if you googled "what style do I like" you'd get all kinds of hits that allow you to choose options and see what appeals, probably with suggestions on things to wear or where to buy them.

Invest in good underwear that fits and is for your body shape. If you've lost a lot of weight, it might be that you not only need smaller bras, but bras that are designed to do different things. I've lost a bit of weight and definitely feel that I need more lift vs when I was fatter, I needed more shaping.

Ditto, you are 45 and you've lost weight, so yes, your skin probably needs some work. I'd suggest spending some money on good products to start with - high quality moisterisers. frankly, I find a little self applied fake tan really helps my slightly flabby bits to look much better.

I am trying to find the good bits and show them off but it’s hard when you lacked the confidence for decades to do that.

Thank you for the kind words.

I think a major problem is DH are both in the same boat and for so many years it’s been a theme of when I have lost weight, I will have more confidence, do more fun things, start being braver and feel better about ourselves and unsurprisingly that just didn’t magically happen

The right clothes make a huge difference. The reality is that outside of the odd teenager and the few people who obsessively create their gorgeous bodies, we all have things we like and dont like about our bodies. So finding the right clothes - style, fit, colour, makes a huge difference. I am never going to have the perfect stomach and back but as I slim down I am enjoying finding clothes that skin those bits while highlighting the parts I do like - my legs, my breasts. You cannot wear your old.clothes or even just smaller versions. I have only lost 12 kg so far but my jean styles have changed completely , for example.

@CarelessWimperwhat I’ve found has really helped (my body is a long long way off where I would like it to be despite being low bmi) is to focus on the things my body can do. I like having new fitness challenges to push myself and see what my body is capable of.

Also be careful the SM you consume. If you look there are lots of people who inspire body neutrality rather than promoting a ‘perfect’ physique which imo is more realistic.

Definitely buy the clothes that make you feel great. Maybe you could take a trusted friend shopping to find things you both love and that work for your new shape.

Mostly I would say try and move the focus off looks. Try and build your confidence in other ways, do things that push you outside your comfort zone be that through work, hobbies etc.

All of this takes time, shifting your frame of mind isint easy so be kind to yourself and proud of everything you’ve achieved.