Can’t tell anyone this in real life

[Skippyasyermuni]

I am the biggest I have ever been - including being bigger than in either of my pregnancies.

I’m 5 foot 3 and today, I weighed myself at 13 stone 10.

I’ve been ignoring it. But it’s come about because I have to get involved in a sport my kids play, because the youngest cannot sign himself in - he needs an adult supervisor. It’s indoor climbing, and all I need to do is take a 3 hours intro class for adults. It should be file simple; they don’t care about how good I am or how high I climb, it’s about learning the safety rules really.

But I had a horrible thought when falling asleep last night that the harness wouldn’t fit, as so much of my weight is in my stomach. I measured this morning and it’s 45/46 inches. That was a shock. I know from looking at myself that I’m big but putting a number on it was a shock. Then I got on the scales.

3 years ago, I was 13 stone and got down to 10.5 stone. This last year/year and a half, I’ve just let it all go.
I got there through calorie counting, doing 20,000 steps a day, swimming 3 times a week and also doing a weighed hula hoop. So, I know I can do it. But I need to put more focus on improving my diet so I can keep it off.

Fitbit is charged, and I’m ready so start again in the morning. Down the park for the 8km walk, and ready to calorie count. But just… I can’t tell anyone in real how humiliated I felt standing on those scales, so I’ve come here.

I weigh almost exactly what you weigh, but I weighed 17 stone 18 months ago, so I actually feel great at this weight. It’s so interesting to read your post and be reminded that for a lot of people, the size of body I am now appreciating being in represents humiliation.

I really feel for you — it’s all so relative to so many factors, how we feel about ourselves.

Don’t worry, you can lose it. I’m still losing too. But go gently on yourself emotionally. Plenty of people are bigger. Your body has done amazing things. You can tackle this.

I really didn’t mean to offend anyone who is happy at this size, or who has lost weight to get here. I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant like that.
Just, for me, it’s my biggest and I don’t feel good. I snore when I sleep, when I didn’t years ago, and my clothes from before don’t fit. I’ve known that for months and months obviously, but I’d ignored it and not got on the scales or accepted it really.

Honestly it’s not a moral failing or a character flaw or some kind of personal negative to have put on weight. It’s just a response to the situation that you’re in and a way of coping short term that unfortunately means weight gain in the long term.

I do understand the shock and upset that standing on scales after a long time of ignoring them can bring. For years I had mine put away along with the full length mirror so that I didn’t have to see the evidence of the weight I had gained.

Good luck with it all, sounds like you’ve got a good plan, so hopefully you’ll see the results soon.

You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

Good luck.

I weighed what you do 18 months ago, I’m now 10.10 through calorie counting so far.
it happens to us alll the difference now is what you do next but it’s not a failure and don’t be too hard on yourself

I'm with you @Skippyasyermuni . I am also at my heaviest and I'm disgusted with myself for letting the 49lbs that I lost years ago back on. I hate the way I look and can't fit into any of my lovely clothes. You have got to the point when enough is enough and have decided to do something about it. Good on you!
You can do it!
I apparently am not at that point yet and just keep bloody eating.