Husband isn't happy with my weight lossǰ

[Afrowelsh]

Hi,

I have lost 26 kg, because DH didn't find me attractive anymore. Now I am at 70kg, and DH is complaining about how he isn't finding attractive anymore. I don't know what to do. He doesn't like me obese , he doesn't like me average?

Yeessss!

What does he say about it? How does he see the marriage working out if he isn't attracted to you at any weight?

Absolutely spot on.

it’s not right but unfortunately I suspect it’s true for a lot of men.

Op has lost 4 stone, admittedly at 96kg she probably wasn’t particularly healthy, but I really don’t get the unattractive comment when she’s done so well at losing weight. Actually, I take that back, no one, man or woman should ever say they find their partner unattractive to their face IMO.

I don’t think your weight is, or was ever, the issue. I think what he doesn’t like is you feeling good in yourself.

I don’t think your weight is, or was ever, the issue. I think what he doesn’t like is you feeling good in yourself.

Are you attracted to HIM? He sounds an absolute misery guts.

Have I missed an update where she has put her weight? "Let's not lie to the OP" is not a meaningful statement if you don't have all the information and can't possibly know if she is overweight or not

It is possible that he picked something he thought you would not be able to change, and when you did, has to explain what he is feeling on something else.

It sounds like he either does not want to be with you any more, or there is another reason for him saying this to you - he wants to undermine or belittle you, or he is having a desire disorder and rather than admitting it lies with him, is blaming it on you.

Whatever the reason, this is a cruel and cowardly way for him to behave, and you deserve better.

At 5' 8" I was 70kg at one point and yes, @Venalopolos , I was technically just over the range for my height in terms of 'normal weight'. I was also wearing a size 10 - 12, you could see where my ribs attached to my breastplate and people were telling me not to lose any more weight as they were becoming worried I was losing too much. The GP also told me I had the best blood work they had ever seen. You cant pay too much attention to the ranges - they just dont really tell the whole story.

I was called “fat and unattractive”
I didn’t realise (at the time), that this was shorthand for ‘I’m having sex with another woman and seeking justification’.
You’re doing great.

Spend a bit more time playing with the maths.
A healthy bmi is a wide range. For someone of my very average height, 5ft5, it’s anywhere from 51kg to 68kg.
70kg is going to be within the healthy bmi range for all women above average height (5ft6 or taller). So it’s not obviously overweight for a large proportion of women. And it’s the top end of a healthy bmi or marginally overweight for women in the 5ft4- 5ft6 range, which is going to be a big chunk of the population.
So yeah, you’re at a great weight for your height at 5ft4 and 55kg, but there’s nothing shocking about 70kg and for many many women, it’s a good weight to be.

Take time, my oh was freaked out too by my loss.

he said it felt like he was cheating on me with me 😆

he’s got past it now, got used to the new me

You have done fantastically well to lose that amount of weight so first off, bloody well done!!

Your DH is being massive wanker and id take a bet he's no George Clooney either.

If it was me, id be getting my ducks in a row.

This man will do nothing but bring you down.

This.

Your husband is either getting ready to leave or he's a nasty controlling git.

How do you feel about the relationship?

Tell him what an absolute dick he is and that sex is off the menu because he can't possibly want it with a woman he doesn't find attractive. Ask him where he expects your relationship to go from here as he's pretty much killed it.

How does where you are now compare to where you were when you met? Not that it matters, he's still a twat, but it's a common arsehole move to make that comparison.

I take it he hardly looks like a Men's Health cover model himself?

Have you tried suggesting things he could do to make himself more attractive to you? Or does he get to make you feel like shit but swan around with a beer belly thinking he's the bollox?

What is his complaint exactly?

Why the fuck are people scrutinising the OP? She has lost 40lbs for fuck sake. She has lost weight and her husband is being a dick about her body. Stop adding to that scrutiny.

Hey, just so you know a man like this will only ever keep shifting the goalposts because he wants to know how many hoops you’ll jump through to placate him like a good little puppy.

ducks in a row time. And congratulations on the weight loss!

I don’t think you like him at all. You can lose 80-100kg more I estimate by dumping him and finding someone who likes you. In fact, the reason he is trying to knock your confidence is probably as he’s keenly aware this is an option for you. Run away!

Sorry I meant to write I don’t think he likes you at all. I don’t think you should like him either though as he is nasty. A partner should make you feels special and safe and desired

What height do you consider to be tall?

Attraction, if it’s someone you love, isn’t about weight/ size/ whatever. If you’ve genuinely lost attraction and respect for someone, the more they try to win it back, the less attractive they find it.

I used to be with someone who was always critical of my body unless I looked like Jessica Ennis, I so wish I’d have seen sooner that he simply didn’t love me.

Take your weight loss and better health elsewhere if you can. You’ll be grateful to yourself for improving your health, but don’t do it for a man, the more you bend over backwards for someone, they less they appreciate you

You've lost weight
You look good, you've probably had to buy some new clothes, maybe you've got new makeup, changed your hair a bit etc
You're probably walking taller (literally)
It's all given you a confidence boost

Your "D"H is now worried that someone else might find you attractive, so he's trying to put you back "in your place"

He needs to recognise that you've improved your health & confidence & he's lucky to have you in his life & if he doesn't then you need to rethink what you're getting from your relationship & what you want moving forward.

Well done you!! Just tell him you didn’t lose the weight for him, but for you. And I’m guessing he isn’t a trimmed down Adonis!?