Husband isn't happy with my weight lossǰ

[Afrowelsh]

Hi,

I have lost 26 kg, because DH didn't find me attractive anymore. Now I am at 70kg, and DH is complaining about how he isn't finding attractive anymore. I don't know what to do. He doesn't like me obese , he doesn't like me average?

So does mine and I love my husband no matter what size he may be.

He is insecure and taking it out on you?

Red flag for controlling behaviour. He wanted his comment to make you feel low instead of changing things and now that you have he needs to assert control another way.

I'm almost 2 stone down and my DH made me feel beautiful when I was bigger and makes me feel beautiful now.

Well done on your weight loss 🩷 I know it's not easy. Don't let a man make you feel bad about yourself or not worthy.

Mine loves me regardless of my weight, make yourself a lot lighter by binning the wanker off!!

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this unkind attitude from your husband
You deserve much better treatment
God Bless You
I'm praying you find strength to stand up to him because I feel you deserve much more respect than this
Wishing you all the utmost very best

Sounds to me like its a him problem and tbh like hr is trying to find any excuse he can. If I were u I would be telling him where to go cause hun u shouldn't be changing ur self for any man

Actually, unless OP is tall, 70kg is overweight? It's only at 5'7" that 70kg would be a normal BMI and even that that is the VERY top of normal (24.8 vs a max normal BMI of 24.9).

I'm 5'4 and there is no one would that would tell me that I looked like a normal healthy weight at 70kg - my normal healthy weight would be around 55kg.

Always has to be some miserable sod that comes along to piss on the OPs chips isn't there?

I'd be chuffed for you and the health aspects are going to make a difference to you.
Well done 👍

No, the OP has done an incredible job and should be very proud. It sounds like she's worked really hard she's feeling better and that's great. I'm only supportive of that.

I just don't think it's in any way helpful to suggest that her weight is now within a normal/health range (or underweight if she's really tall) when it's objectively not true.

The OP doesn't need to lose any more weight if she doesn't want to her. Her husband's opinion isn't relevant here as it's OP's body.

But let's not lie to OP.

@Afrowelsh do you still find your husband attractive after all these horrible, critical, unkind comments?

I am asking because maybe he thinks attraction only goes one way.

Congratulations on your weight loss. You could lose even more if you remove this horrible man from your life.

@Venalopolos you could have made your point so much more kindly.

Who's lying to her? None of us, including you, have any idea how tall she is. Her weight might be well within the normal range for all you know.

And in any case, how do you think it'll help her current mindset to have someone else telling her she's overweight?

I'm not going to double down as I don't want to detract from the OP's achievement in her weight loss as that was not my intention, and she has done a great job.

But the post I originally quoted was absolutely objectively not true.

Either your H doesn't find you attractive at all, or, more likely, he wants you to think he doesn't. The idea being that if you think he isn't attracted to you, but tolerates you because he's a nice guy who loves you, you will be extremely grateful to him. You will do whatever necessary to keep him, because you will think he's your only option. You will overlook his faults as you are 'an unattractive woman' who is fortunate to have him and can expect no more.
Some flawed men will deliberately seek women who are insecure about their appearance for the power it gives them. Now you're feeling better about yourself he's ramping up the insecurity to keep the balance in his favour.
Its a hugely problematic character trait and in some ways worse than if he'd genuinely stopped finding you attractive. At least there's an honesty in that rather than the mind games.

Me too.

When I met DH I'd been going through a very difficult time, had lost a shed load of weight and I was very under-weight (we're talking size 4 clothes were baggy on me).

5 years of eating the delicious food cooked by my DH I've put on weight & am now, well, plump - I'm a size 12/14.

DH says he fell in love with & found me attractive when I was skinny & still loves & finds me attractive. He isn't bothered how thin or fat I am, it's me who he loves for my personality, my sense of humour, how I laugh at his terrible jokes, listen to his stories (even if I've heard them 20 times) & make him feel loved & valued.

I’m 5ft5 and 67kg I wear a size 10 clothes. Healthy bmi 24.6. I’m only an inch taller than you and look absolutely ok

OP, You are amazing! 26Kg is a lot to lose and it’s fantastic that you have achieved this. Fantastic that you have cared for yourself and upped your health so much. You must feel great and be very proud.

Hold your head high, tell your H that you are pleased with your body and if he isn’t happy in your marriage then hd needs to man up and be honest, and talk about what’s really going on because you have had enough of his negging.

He’s negging you. Is he overweight and jealous that you’ve managed to lose weight?

Glass is half empty syndrome whereas I'd see a glass half full and poss getting fuller.

Best weight loss ever.

😂

You lost the wrong weight. Get rid of the man shaped weight.

He sounds horrible. Well done for losing weight. But never ever do it for someone else. Do it so your body is healthy and strong and to make you feel well and happy.

Honestly he doesn't sound worth staying with. You don't need to be with someone who puts you down.

He sounds horrible

And what is his physical appearance like?

I would stop trying to please him and continue with the diet if that makes you happy…..maybe he is jealous that you will be attracting admiring glances now that you are slimmer