I can never stick to being healthy. Please help, I am getting very overweight now

[sandygrapes]

I thought to myself yesterday that I haven't thought of my diet in about 3 months and have genuinely just thought 'fuck it'

I am now just shy of 14 stone

It's so hard. I am a carer and a mum. I don't get any real respite, when my DC is at school I catch up on sleep. I seem to eat, particularly sugary stuff, to just give me a quick fix, keep me going, keep me happier

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless about it

I use to fast (use to be a size 8-10 that way). It just came naturally.

I have tried eating just whole, normal foods like meat, eggs, etc. still craving the sugar to get me through

But I am up from 4am and just exhausted constantly. I am using food to get me through

The limited respite hours my DC has (4 hours on a Saturday), I use to spend 1-1 time with my poor DD who needs that time for her.

My life is able to run smoothly if I can just snack. It gets me through. It's making me happy

Here's the thing.

I can't risk diabetes. I need to be here for as long as I possibly can. I need to be healthy.

I need to stop this. I don't know what to turn to, who to ask for support.

I am drowning in care and support needs and just don't have any head space.

I feel like it's a downwards spiral.

Please can someone slap me to wake up? I just don't know what to do anymore

I'm sorry I can only offer empathy. I work two jobs and also as a caring role for a family member. It's very intense and I naturally lean towards easy carbs. I'm 15 stone and not healthy but too exhausted to act.
Solidarity here

Aah OP, I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like a really tough time for you. I get it and I've been in a similar place myself quite recently! I seem to go through periods of caring/ trying and then giving up on it all.

My tips for starting are to start small. Smaller than you even think will make a difference. I started with literally 5 minutes of exercise in the morning, just a tiny bit of cardio before breakfast. It felt silly, like it would make no difference... but it was the spark I needed to motivate me.

I started using myfitnesspal even though my diet was shocking, I would just log it, not putting any pressure on myself to change it, but just becoming aware.

You might be surprised how these little things can start to influence your mindset.

I really think the trick is not to challenge yourself/ pressure yourself with anything that feels too big at this stage, when you have so much going on.

The other thing I did was ordered some Orlistat online. I wasn't quite eligible for it on the NHS and couldn't afford Wegovy, but I do find the Orlistat helps and it was about £100 for a 3 month supply.

Good luck with it all, it's such a challenge when you have a lot going on.

I find I crave sugar less, snack less and carry less weight if I have a larger main meal. I choose things like wholemeal pasta or brown rice that are higher fibre and make me feel full for longer. Then I don't feel the need to reach for the biscuits

So at lunch, I'll have a sandwich with wholemeal bread, and some fruit and a packet of mixed nuts. In the evening, a large serving of wholemeal pasta with carbonara or tomato & olive sauce and a large salad.

It means I don't snack and don't put on weight.

Also be careful which snacks you keep in. At the moment I have packs of mixed nuts, nectarines, satsumas, and bananas, so with some sugar, just not processed sugar in biscuits and cakes.

It might be helpful to recognise that you're in an addiction cycle - eat sugar, sugar high, sugar crash, crave more sugar. It's not really giving you energy, in fact it's taking away your energy by filling you up in place of good food that will nourish your body. It's a bit like the hit from a cigarette.

Would that knowledge help you in the moment? I've had some success with setting meal times for myself (along with pre-planning and preparing what those meals will be). Then reassuring myself that any feelings about food that I have in between are just that - feelings. I tell myself that I have enough food for today, I am not ACTUALLY hungry that's just the cravings/hormones whatever talking, and I plough through.

I've read some literature that it takes about 3 weeks sugar free to break the cycle and for your body to adjust to not having it.

Sending empathy. How can you carve out some time for yourself? Even if it’s just an hour or so to begin with?

If you create the time to think it all through, in a non pressured way, it will probably be more effective than any of our suggestions. You are the expert in your own psychology.

If you prefer some expert help, there is a book/program/website called I Quit Sugar.

Sorry to hear. It is such hard going work

I have to say, I don't eat regular carbs such as pastas, rice and bread. My 'food' consists of just meat, eggs, veg etc

My downfall is just pure sugar - sweets, chocolate, popcorn, icing, cake, that type of thing

If I just ate my diet I'd probably be slim as I don't each very much actual food

Thank you for commenting

I don't know what Orlistat is but off to google now, thank you

I recognise this must be an actual addiction. It feels like what it must feel like to be addicted to a drug

Trouble is, 1. It's everywhere. 2. It genuinely does keep me going when I am burnt out to a crisp. And I don't know what to do without that 3. I don't have the time or head space to focus much at all on myself. I think that's a real barrier for me. I am running around like a headless chicken all day and not sleeping well because I don't have the opportunity to

This week for example I am fuelled by complete sugar because I am sleeping for around midnight, the earliest I can really because of my DC. And then up again for 4am onwards to care, in a very full on, non stop way until midnight against

It's all very chaotic and I just feel so sad I can't devout any real time to myself

I don't want to make it sound like I'm making excuses. I'm honestly just putting words to a screen in a hope it'll help

Thank you all again

Is there a chance of getting anymore respite OP? If that’s what you would like and would be best for your family?
I’m a ft carer too and got to the point where my physical and mental health were completely breaking down. We have overnight respite now and it’s really helped get a better balance. It’s a very tough situation, you have my absolute sympathy.

Completely agree with this.
Some people can’t have any sugar as it causes an addictive loop.
It takes around 30 days to be free of an addiction according to Neuroscientist Huberman. I used this information to tick off on a chart. I no longer crave sugar at all.

I agree it can feel like an addiction and it’s so hard as there isn’t always the help available.

You already have a lot of motivation reasons to do this so what you need to do is really focus on those and channel them so that they become far more important to you than the instant gratification of eating. But to distract yourself away from eating you need something that replaces the feeling and keeps you motivated, most people who keep weight off are into some form of exercise (for the endorphins) even if it’s just gentle walking or doing a home work out via YouTube. Could you incorporate that into your day with a nap, for just 20, 30-45 mins a day?

You can snack it’s just what you choose to snack on that’s important, going cold turkey and stop buying the food will help you. I just do not buy it so it’s not there to be eaten

Sorry if I’ve misunderstood, is your DC at school during the day or are you caring 4am-midnight with no breaks? Understanding this will help us to give more tips.

Are you able to find 15 mins a week to cook at all? You can prepare and cook 3 slow cooker meals in this time. My biggest tip is eat carbs. You’re craving sugar because you’re not eating enough carbs. Have really healthy filling meals like slow cooker Bolognese with wholewheat pasta, chicken curry with brown rice or Beef stew with veg and potatoes. Pack the meals with veg.

Allow yourself sugar. But limit it. Don’t cut it out completely. Look forward everyday to your reasonable sized treat eg a normal size bar of chocolate. Don’t keep any treats in the house so you have to buy something you fancy each day and can’t binge on sugar.

When your DC is at school or if they can be taken out in a wheelchair get out and walk, even if you’re tired. It’ll give you more energy and walking burns lots of calories. An hour walk a day can really help the weight fall off.

I empathise, the only way I got through 3 years of a non sleeping baby/toddler was carbs and sugar, how could I have been strict when I'm exhausted? And I wanted nice things to look forward to through the day as it was a slog. We do what we need to get through.

An hour walk a day can really help the weight fall off.

I don't know how I could to be honest. I am a vigorously clean and tidy person so stay active that way

But in all honesty, I've tried exercise in the hope it will give me energy. It doesn't. Because nobody can survive months and years at a time and function properly by sleeping just 3 or 4 hours max

He's at school during the day. I try to sleep then, and catch up with it all

So we have 4 hours respite a week. 10 in the holidays, taken 2 hours at a time.

I can't get anymore. Keep taking it to panel and then my SW gets changed I have another one going to panel in a few weeks because I've had to literally beg and say I cannot survive the 6 weeks holidays like this

But they have told me they might get a day increase in respite but absolutely nothing for nighttime as there simply aren't the carers to do the job

I've tried privately looking and nothing. It's awful

Could you walk after the school drop off and then go back to sleep? It makes a huge difference if you’re able. I can’t walk due to a disability. I eat the same diet as I ate before and I’ve put on 2 stone in a year just from not walking!!

Completely agree with this.
Some people can’t have any sugar as it causes an addictive loop.
It takes around 30 days to be free of an addiction according to Neuroscientist Huberman. I used this information to tick off on a chart. I no longer crave sugar at all.

Thank you and well done for staying away and keeping away from it!

It's day 1 today, wish me luck

A previous poster said not to cut it out completely and just have one small treat a day. But I can't. I know in my heart it's all or nothing, at least for now whilst I'm so addicted

It honestly feels like I'm experiencing withdrawal, even for today and it's only been 4.5 hours since I got up so not a lot of time!

All or nothing approaches are much more likely to fail. They limit your potential. No one can realistically give up all sugar forever so one day you’ll snap and go back to old habits rather than established new life long ones now such as allowing small amounts of sugar and changing your shopping habits so you don’t have access to excessive amounts of sugar in the house/easily accessible.

Start with diet. That will make the biggest difference to weight. Do the James Smith free calculator to get your calorie goal. Eat within that, but you can eat anything! Look at the Fitness Chef, and the FC community in Facebook. Also Ben Carpenter. All inspiring and non judgmental.

apparently, it’s scientific that lack of sleep can make you feel hungry in the morning due to some hormone. I can’t remember the name of. Maybe try the two breakfast approach: have a bowl of cereal when you get up and then maybe poached eggs on a bit of toast later on. I find that that can fill me up for the day better.

Also, grab some sleep whenever you can.

What about one sweet treat a week? That's what I did when I lost weight, slowly but surely, when I was younger. I enjoyed it sooo much and it made me aware of how I was getting less reliant on sugar . Best of British !!! X

The hormone is ghrelin. And it can remain high all day if sleep is lacking. Eating little and often can really help. So you could have

I’d steer away from cereal alone. It’s high GI,
will spike your blood sugar quickly and then it’ll quickly come crashing down 2-3 hours later and you’ll crave sugar even more. Add protein to every meal can help to keep blood sugar balanced. So have cereal with a handful of nuts or opt for oats, eggs, protein powder, yoghurt instead.

Being tired makes you hungry. It produces hormones like ghrelin which make you want to eat sugars. Might not be practical but short bursts of exercise are effective at counteracting these effects of tiredness and reducing cravings – it gets rid of cravings more effectively than eating does and makes you feel less tired. (Based on research in this area.)

I think also changing one small thing at a time is a good way to go. Eg. change from white carbs to wholemeal. Then a few months later add another change in. Don’t try to do everything at once.

Also don’t deprive yourself of tasty food. I would look to reduce carbs and increase fibre. If you’re eating a good amount of fruit and veg and protein, don’t worry about depriving yourself of fats – cheese, cream, etc are fine and good for you.

And remember carbs and particularly sugar are extremely addictive. They cause blood sugar spikes and produce cravings. It’s difficult to eat sugar in moderation as when you have some your body will produce cravings for more. Easier to cut out refined sugars entirely. You’ll soon start to find things like fruit with cream sweet enough.

Thanks, @JLT24 !

I don’t subscribe to the idea that any food should be eliminated, even sugar, it just makes things hard to stick to. Just eat anything you like within a calorie deficit, plenty protein snd fibre along with carbs will fill you up, but there’s plenty scope for a biscuit or curly wurly too 😃

The sleep deprivation will make eating well and losing weight very very challenging. Please be nice to yourself OP.

That little sleep is extremely concerning (I say this as someone who can happily function on five hours' sleep a night but 3-4 is pure torture.). Please keep fighting for respite. I feel exasperated for you that this can't be organised.

On the question of eating, a simple change that would make a difference is to make sure you never eat any dextrose. It fuels sugar cravings more than sugar itself.

When you eat non-sugary snacks try to find 30 seconds to really notice that you're eating and enjoy the flavour/texture especially of non-sugary snacks. The problem with your lifestyle being so demanding is that you probably shovel food in quickly when you have the chance and then we don't register that we're eating and feel satisfied.