I can never stick to being healthy. Please help, I am getting very overweight now

[sandygrapes]

I thought to myself yesterday that I haven't thought of my diet in about 3 months and have genuinely just thought 'fuck it'

I am now just shy of 14 stone

It's so hard. I am a carer and a mum. I don't get any real respite, when my DC is at school I catch up on sleep. I seem to eat, particularly sugary stuff, to just give me a quick fix, keep me going, keep me happier

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless about it

I use to fast (use to be a size 8-10 that way). It just came naturally.

I have tried eating just whole, normal foods like meat, eggs, etc. still craving the sugar to get me through

But I am up from 4am and just exhausted constantly. I am using food to get me through

The limited respite hours my DC has (4 hours on a Saturday), I use to spend 1-1 time with my poor DD who needs that time for her.

My life is able to run smoothly if I can just snack. It gets me through. It's making me happy

Here's the thing.

I can't risk diabetes. I need to be here for as long as I possibly can. I need to be healthy.

I need to stop this. I don't know what to turn to, who to ask for support.

I am drowning in care and support needs and just don't have any head space.

I feel like it's a downwards spiral.

Please can someone slap me to wake up? I just don't know what to do anymore

Might not be practical but short bursts of exercise are effective at counteracting these effects of tiredness and reducing cravings – it gets rid of cravings more effectively than eating does and makes you feel less tired. (Based on research in this area.)

Surely the research in that area isn't done on people experiencing severe sleep deprivation coupled with having to be in fight or flight mode most of the time they're ever awake?

It's like living life on a bleep test.

Exercise was wonderful when I was a bit younger pre DC and when he was a baby and toddler - because I was just a usual mum. It made me feel great

Now I have so little energy I honestly cannot function properly. I need it to drive a bit to ferry DC around etc

It's a horrible cycle

Thank you, I've never heard of the dextrose thing before so that's very eye opening

The issue is you're fighting and advocating, shouting from the rooftops and documenting everything constantly and still you aren't seeing results for respite being increased. I am so so burnt out. It is beyond awful for my health alone that I only sleep about 3/4 hours on average

Getting less than 6 hours (ha), is linked to heart disease and stroke, and early death, before diet is even mentioned

The first chapter or so of every lifestyle change book or resource always talks about 'Sleep' and how you need to be a healthy sleeper first etc. Completely ignoring the fact there's a lot of mostly women who don't ever have the chance

Yes, it’s on people who are sleep deprived (eg parents!) Counterintuitive I know!

But obviously in many cases not practical as there just isn’t time.

Really sympathise, being tired is horrible :(

I think you have to do small manageable steps first e.g you don’t eat snack - you just drink a cup of tea (milk, no sugar) and carry on until you are absolutely desperate for food, then you eat something more sensible then sweets e.g a banana.
I think some people can just have a small piece of chocolate , it’s easier for them not to eat chocolate at all. My DH is like this. His approach is not to have sweets at the house. I can’t not to have any as I need my tiny piece at least.
I would go to GP to check your energy level and maybe they will have any idea about help available.
I started taking vitamins and it helped a bit. Take DC out as much as possible but I do understand that its not always possible.
Herbal teas are good if you are into it. You have something and it calms you a bit but zero calories.
And finding a local parent group for disabled children or for his relevant disability is an absolute life saver.
Thinking about the future is scary. We can’t afford to be ill.

I am heavier than you and I have been existing on a very sugary diet for years.
In the last month I've tried to stop eating sugar and I've found that I'm much less hungry than before.
I'm eating museli and protein yogurt or eggs with tomatoes for breakfast, it fills me up so much longer.
In the first week I did still have 2 chocolate hobnobs with a cup of tea in the afternoon as I weaned myself off but as previously I'd be having 5-7 biscuits I was still saving 300/500 calories.

I'm in an out the house between shifts and often would have 2 bowls of sugary cereal for breakfast, followed by tea and biscuits.
More cereal for lunch and then depending on shifts more before I went to bed.
Some days I'd feel a bit gittery and realise I hadn't eaten proper food for days.
I've lost over half a stone but I am lucky enough to sleep well and I do recognise that makes a huge difference.
Sending lots of love to you in what sounds like an unimaginably difficult situation.

I don’t think anyone is advocating you to give up your day sleep if you need it but to add in 10-20 mins of something like a brisk walk to provide health benefit, as yes poor sleep is linked to health issues but so is being sedentary so this is a two fold issue.

Some people do need to take a break from refined sugar before it’s reintroduced, remember that fruit has natural simple sugars what we are advising is to stop eating processed sugars that is found in cakes, sweets, biscuits etc. no one is saying don’t eat sugar ever again but if you are eating excessive amounts of refined sugar in processed foods that is what you can cut out. I eat a banana every day, it’s high in sugar but also other nutrients and it doesn’t make me want to eat more sugar. Fructose sugar can be a part of your diet but no one needs to eat refined sugars and you can live perfectly well without them and still have a balanced diet. Sugar is in so many foods it’s easy to overdo it, pretty much everything even bread and jar sauces contain sugar.

If you get a sweet craving you can eat fruit?

Yeah I think sugar in fruit is processed differently because of the way it’s structured with the other nutrients

Sorry, by give up sugar I meant refined sugar! So not fruit, all though I'll go very easy on that initially

I don't drink tea or coffee so can't even enjoy the cuppa a lot of people speak of

I am quite into frozen Greek yoghurt with berries, takes longer to eat than normal too!

I was going to suggest coffee as an alternative to sugary snacks if you do hit a wall and need a burst of energy. Proper coffee (from grounds not instant) is actually quite good for you. Could you give it a go?

I also have a Twinings cold infusion tea which has energy boosting herbs like guarana in it.

Two useful resources that have helped ma y to kick the sugar habit:

The Sugar Solution by Dr Mark Hyman

Dr Becky Gillaspy - short but informative and helpful advice on YouTube:

Allow yourself sugar. But limit it. Don’t cut it out completely. Look forward everyday to your reasonable sized treat eg a normal size bar of chocolate. Don’t keep any treats in the house so you have to buy something you fancy each day and can’t binge on sugar.

@JLT24 I have to say I disagree that an industrially produced chocolate bar is a daily 'treat' that one should look forward to. Especially when trying to reset their diet and blood sugar. There's just nothing good about that sort of food and nothing good about the deprivation/reward mentality when trying to lose weight and get healthy. We should all, regardless of our weight, be aiming to ditch UPF and find enjoyment in eating foods that are nourishing and ethically produced. Nothing that comes out of a factory with the cheapest shittiest ingredients the multinational producer can get away with is a 'treat', yuck!

I agree that diets need flexibility and down the track when she's reset her cravings the OP might like an occasional (not daily!) cake or pastry from a proper baker using proper ingredients.

I also think it was unkind of you to come back and insist the OP is doomed to fail if she doesn't listen to you.

I'm a chocolate addict so what helps me is having a few protein bars or slimfast bars a day. They have chocolate but low sugar and carbs. I lose weight on them and get my chocolate fix. And so many different ones on the market now
It stops me sabotaging

Just have a chocolate bar. It’s fine. There’s no need for the angst

You don’t need to eat a chocolate bar regularly. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. They are full of crap. If you are already at risk of diabetes why would you eat a 150 calorie sugary bar of chocolate every day. I don’t agree with ‘treating yourself’ with treat type food at the end of every day or a whole day on the weekend. Treat yourself better in other ways. We went out for a treat today and ate sushi. It was really nice I don’t feel deprived and just ate normally the rest of the day. I might eat chocolate every couple of weeks but no one needs to eat it daily

But if having a chocolate bar within your calorie allowance makes it easier to stick to it, then it’s fine! The only thing that matters is calorie deficit, you’ll lose weight

It’s each to their own but if it’s so so vitally important to you, then go for it. It’s just not really as normal as we like to kid ourselves it is. One major issue with obesity is firstly denial of what’s realistic or normal in terms of food intake and the second is rewarding ourselves with food repeatedly over and over instead of finding other non food ways to relieve stress and get a dopamine hit. I personally would not bother to waste my daily calorie allowance on something that does not fill me up and gives me a dopamine high for 2-3 minutes of consumption then wears off straight away. I’ve been very obese and now I am not, and that’s because I don’t eat chocolate every day like I used to. I might eat it every couple of weeks. It’s nice, but it isn’t a daily staple of my diet and that’s how I have lost over 4st. I’m not deprived of joy or happiness by doing so either

I'm not sure if you read the OP, but she's worried about diabetes. I don't agree that calorie deficit is the only concern here.

Where did I say it needed to be a UPF?

It’s also not unkind to point out that restrictive dieting and all or nothing approaches have been proven to not work long term. It’s backed by research.

It’s not restrictive dieting to break an addiction by limiting your intake of the main food item that you find it hard not to over consume. You would not tell someone who found alcohol problematic that it was fine to have a little drink every day.

Many tips have been give to reduce sugar cravings, that is what the OP asked for and the point of this post.

One way is to give it up entirely. Literally proven to be way more difficult to sustain but I don’t disagree with it as it’s not harmful at the end of the day.

Another way is to reduce consumption and use other ways to reduce cravings such as better sleep, exercise, reintroducing an entire food group (carbs) and habitual retraining (balancing blood sugar and shopping habits) to enable the op to still eat a healthy amount of sugar. This is perfectly healthy and achievable and not remotely the same as an alcoholic needing to give up alcohol.

I get the sugar addiction, I was a chain smoker for many years.

Your situation is tough, it’s hard to lose weight when exhausted. I agree with trying small steps, but I also think you should not have any refined sugar snacks in the house. I know I am an addict so I don’t keep cigarettes in the house. Could snacking on fruit and sweet vegetables (carrot, sweet potato) be an easy change to implement?

You said you don’t eat carbs during meal times, this can be one thing that actually propels you sugar cravings. Carbs are the most effective sources of energy and when you are exhausted your body doesn’t want to waste resources on burning stuff that doesn’t burn clean, such as protein. Eating balanced meals, with complex carbs, vegetables and some protein could help you get the easy sources of energy you need to survive your exhausting day.

If you constantly graze on sugary snacks maybe it is something that your body actually needs at the moment, so another option could be keep on grazing, but on healthy snacks and eat much less for main meals?

We already discussed that you can eat sugar in other forms it doesn’t have to be chocolate especially if that’s a trigger for someone to over consume.

I am not sure you understand how addictions work but that’s ok, not everyone does. Even having access to a small amount of something you crave can lead to a binge. Those of us who have been addicted to food items are giving the advice it’s best to steer clear of it especially in the early days so that you learn how to regulate yourself better in order to be able to eat things in moderation. you talk as though eating these high value food items in moderation is something that is easy to do from the get go. It doesn’t work like that.

Not eating it for 3 months or so won’t cause you to fail if you are very motivated to lose weight, further down the line you can test out your reaction to a small amount but from the early brand new days of changing your habits, keeping the daily chocolate allowance going usually ends up leading to failure early on unfortunately.

You said you don’t eat carbs during meal times, this can be one thing that actually propels you sugar cravings. Carbs are the most effective sources of energy and when you are exhausted your body doesn’t want to waste resources on burning stuff that doesn’t burn clean, such as protein. Eating balanced meals, with complex carbs, vegetables and some protein could help you get the easy sources of energy you need to survive your exhausting day.

That's the gist of my advice. I eat low carb, but I do not exclude them entirely. What I DO do, is make every carb count: complex carbs mostly, i.e. vegetables and legumes, plus occasional wild rice or wholemeal pasta - AND I severely restrict sugar.

Sugar is habit forming and/or addictive, as is alcohol. If you can knock sugar on the head, you're halfway there. These days, my treats are mostly protein or fruit. Or an ice cream every now and again...

I don’t want to derail the thread but what helped me to break my addiction after many many years of failed attempts was to create an image of myself as an occasional smoker and tricking myself into occasional smoking. I would only smoke during a big work event (once a year) and with my MIL (we met twice a year). So effectively I would have my drug three times a year and then I would smoke like a chimney during that period. It worked, it worked magic. I changed jobs so I don’t attend that big work event anymore and my MIL passed away and I have not had a single cigarette in six years. Actually I find anything that has to do with nicotine disgusting 🤮.

Before that whenever I stopped smoking I was miserable, would feel depressed, like I lost my best friend, I needed it, I couldn’t live without it, woe was me, the whole orchestra of tiny violins played all day long.

What I am saying is that sugar addiction needs to be recognized for what it is and then whatever works needs applying. I have zero willpower and I am very impulsive, so I needed to find a way that made me quit smoking without actually quitting.