I can never stick to being healthy. Please help, I am getting very overweight now

[sandygrapes]

I thought to myself yesterday that I haven't thought of my diet in about 3 months and have genuinely just thought 'fuck it'

I am now just shy of 14 stone

It's so hard. I am a carer and a mum. I don't get any real respite, when my DC is at school I catch up on sleep. I seem to eat, particularly sugary stuff, to just give me a quick fix, keep me going, keep me happier

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless about it

I use to fast (use to be a size 8-10 that way). It just came naturally.

I have tried eating just whole, normal foods like meat, eggs, etc. still craving the sugar to get me through

But I am up from 4am and just exhausted constantly. I am using food to get me through

The limited respite hours my DC has (4 hours on a Saturday), I use to spend 1-1 time with my poor DD who needs that time for her.

My life is able to run smoothly if I can just snack. It gets me through. It's making me happy

Here's the thing.

I can't risk diabetes. I need to be here for as long as I possibly can. I need to be healthy.

I need to stop this. I don't know what to turn to, who to ask for support.

I am drowning in care and support needs and just don't have any head space.

I feel like it's a downwards spiral.

Please can someone slap me to wake up? I just don't know what to do anymore

I think with my sugar addiction I faced it head on and said look this is making me unwell and overweight. It’s going to give me diabetes. I can’t moderate myself to have 1 bar right now so I need to replace it with something else that’s far lower value to me to kick the habit. I’m also an ex smoker and I had to use nicotine replacement therapy to kick the habit and I’ve never gone back to smoking either.

I also eat carbs but make them usually a complex carb.

I’m a qualified dietician. There are physiological as well as psychological reasons for cravings. It’s important both are addressed. Cutting a food type out completely is more difficult to sustain (please read the research). If you don’t address the underlying physiological reasons for the craving in the first place relapse rates are high.

@JLT24 studying it is not actually living in it. I am telling you how this has worked for me. Perhaps it is not in the text book. The reason I was addicted to chocolate is because it tastes nice, gives you an hit and doesn’t satiate you so you keep on eating it. I was rewarding myself at the end of every day to ‘destress’ but then creating more stress by being 5st overweight and hating myself, so eating more chocolate to cope with those feelings. I associate refined sugars feeling like crap and feeling out of control so I restrict my access to it, and enjoy other foods and activities that are better for me.

moderation is a skill you have to learn it takes a long time

intuitive eating and moderation is very difficult for certain people

there are lots of people on these boards who are maintaining a weight loss through the same technique of limiting consumption of trigger foods so it does work for a lot of people

diets fail when people are far too restrictive and far too low calorie. Avoiding your main trigger for a few months until you settle into better habits is not promoting unhealthy eating or setting someone up to fail

I’m afraid I turned to drugs OP. specifically Mounjaro. It’s expensive but cheaper than surgery…now I don’t get a “hit” from eating sugar it’s easier to not bother with it. I don’t think people who don’t have the addiction realise it’s not as easy as “just have a curly wurly” when your body is physically and mentally screaming at you to have more

Following your advice I did look online and found this step which I am already doing and is a good thing for anyone to practice

If I was to seek advice from a dietician this is what I think would be very helpful

Step 4: Re-value the object of your desireWhen we want something, we tend to assign it a high value, one which is often overinflated.

Step 4 involves re-valuing (or rather, de-valuing) the object of your desire (say, cookies or crisps) and reminding your brain what it is actually worth… which is often close to nothing. In order to do this, you’ll need to ask yourself the tough question: what has this addictive urge done for me? Sure, it may bring you short-term pleasure, but how does it make you feel after the fact? Think about a time recently that you gave in: How did you feel afterwards? What have been the longer-term impacts of taking part in this behaviour—good or bad?
It is important to think about this without judging or reprimanding yourself. The point of this is not to make you feel guilty, but rather to engage yourself in a dialogue about what happens when you do give into the urge. As a result, you’ll have an ever-growing mental bank of reasons not to succumb to a negative urge, and at the same time, the value of obtaining that thing will decrease.

You’ve got an awful lot on your plate OP. What do you think you can do that you could be consistent with?

My thoughts are to eat more (volume) at your meals with about 30g of protein per meal to keep you satiated and find some easily accessible swaps that you can reach for when you want something sugary.

Do you like Greek yoghurt? 0% Greek yoghurt and one crushed up meringue, some berries. Would you like that kind of thing? You can make a big batch and have it in the fridge. You can increase the volume further by adding in a pot of jelly.

Dried cranberries are nice and chewy and a bit like Haribo.

Are you getting help with your DC’s sleep? Melatonin prescribed?

So the OP says (to paraphrase)

• I have a lot of weight to lose
• I need to be healthy
• I'm worried about diabetes
• I'm exhausted and have no time at all
• I want to break my sugar dependency

And the 'qualified dietician' responds by telling OP to find the time to go out and buy herself a chocolate bar every single day. A diet is going to fail if she doesn't. She needs to treat herself for enduring the hardship of eating decent food for most of a day.

I've heard it all now!

We keep being told to read the research. Where's the research that recommends anyone eat a chocolate bar daily, let alone someone trying to improve their health?

A diet is going to fail if she doesn't. She needs to treat herself for enduring the hardship of eating decent food for most of a day.

it wasn’t until this was written down I now see why felt so triggered by the dietitian advice myself, this is a good way of putting it @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice it is not helpful to tell people they will fail at all. I assume the dietician is a believer in intuitive eating

Does the research not show that you need to revalue food? You have to devalue the sugars and increase the value of the other foods. By keep eating the chocolate you are continuing to promote this as a very high value ‘treat’ which surely is the absolute opposite you should be striving for?

why would you need a reward after a day of eating nice wholesome foods? Is the concept that you eat some salmon and brown rice then need to give yourself a pat on the back with a bag of sweets before bed? The treat is you cared for yourself enough to enjoy the nourishing food you provided yourself with. Or a treat is a hot bath, an early night, the reward is weight loss and feeling healthier

If you do really struggle and cannot go the whole day without eating a high value food item I would point people towards trying the devaluing method asking yourself questions. This is mindful eating and mindfulness is quite successful in a lot of people

@JLT24 I don’t want to argue with an expert but refined sugar is a completely different food than other food groups and the majority of medical advice and official food guidelines are in agreement that this stuff is bad.

I try to follow the dietary guidelines of my country (provided by Livsmedelsverket, the Swedish Food Agency) and they actively discourage people from eating refined sugar or simple carbs. I also take part in a longitudinal research on healthy habits (to keep myself accountable) and every week my app keeps suggesting ways to avoid and eliminate these particular foods (refined sugar and refined carbs). Some of them are similar to what @Menora suggested which is IMO very good tips.

I think I’ll stick to peer reviewed scientific research studies rather than a random sample of Mumsnet users thanks 😂

And I think you’re making assumptions that I haven’t lived it. In particular I’ve treated 100s of patients over 15 years. I have not just studied disordered eating.

I never disagreed with @Menora I stated I don’t disagree with the idea of giving up sugar completely, I’m just pointing out the research which shows it’s less likely to be successful.

Also sugar is not a food group 😉

Could you make a simple list- healthy things you enjoy- (eg fruits or veg or snacks or meals), and your issues? So mine have always been simple- cereal (a few bowls a day), white bread and fizzy drinks. Snacking at night. Not enough water or sleep.

So that simple and that difficult.

I cut down bread but not out, so I allow myself 2/3 slices a day, cereal is only breakfast or only later, fizzy drinks 2 cans a week.

I couldn’t fast or cut out, it’s just not me. Night time I have frozen grapes or yoghurts as it takes me longer to eat so I’m not just picking at crisps. Not eating at night was something I tried but it sounds too hard as it takes two weeks of sitting on hands going to bed etc and you don’t need that at the mo.

Biggest thing is one normal/ bad day a week and if a day goes wrong it doesn’t matter, if you’ve been doing something already what does a bit extra today matter?! Go easy on yourself in general op, you’ve a lot on you x

@JLT24 you are literally laughing at and dismissing peoples experiences and giving out negative advice about inevitable failure and advocating eating chocolate every single day. It’s really hard to take you seriously as a professional in all honesty. I would actually understand the approach if the OP said I want to continue eating it every day in small portions can you advise how to continue eating it, but they didn’t, they want to stop and they are worried about diabetes!

secondly no one said give up sugar, they said stop purchasing chocolate, cakes and sweets (which people are binging on, which is disordered eating) and eat other sources of sugar like fruit, which are less processed and try to focus on learning how to value them more.

Okay so first day went okay.

I didn't eat any sugar, obviously felt very odd and it was very hard. I am even more exhausted than usual (and I'll be up for another 4 hours yet which is depressing)

Day 2 today and I had a small chocolate bar. Big mistake.
Just want to gauge on it and I did, ended up having half a bag of cookies ffs.

They're my DC's snacks and stuff so can't not have it in (not going to go into why right now).

Anyway, I will be resuming my no sugar that's refined plan. I can't stop when I start and I think it actually very much is like telling an alcoholic to just have one drink

I had a tangerine yesterday and that tastes beautiful. It even felt like a real treat. It was refreshing and although yes it has sugar, I didn't crave going back for more and more. It was just nice

@sandygrapes you should be so pleased with yourself that you did this, it really does take a lot of mental effort. Please make sure you celebrate your tiny little wins and goals as they matter so much. Yes there might be a big end goal but don’t think about that yet, one step at a time. I agree about fruit sometimes just tasting so amazing, the perfect orange or perfect strawberry is 😍 and especially in summer they are enjoyable. If you like watermelon this might be a good shout?

I have kids too and couldn’t not buy anything at all for them but I put it into a box I couldn’t see it easily and tried to also buy things I didn’t really even like that much which they do like. I have no time for certain biscuits like malted milks or custard creams (or those pink panther wafer biscuits, yuk) so this is the kind of thing what they ended up with 😂. I don’t really care about popcorn that much either so this was another safe one. I don’t like fudge very much or peanut butter so I would get them stuff I was less likely to want to eat myself

@sandygrapes you’ve done great! One day at a time.
Can your DC eat sweets once a week? It’s easier this way and healthier for everyone, we only have treats in the house on Saturday, this is a normal lördagsgodis day every child in Sweden awaits with anticipation.

I have literally stated several times I don’t disagree with your approach it’s just likely to be less successful.

I laughed at the suggestion that because a handful of people on mumsnet have given up sugar completely that makes it more achievable despite the research proving the contrary - because that is laughable.