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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Jealousy and resentment after weight loss?

60 replies

griffindoor · 24/05/2024 21:13

I have been overweight most of my adult life now at 44 I have finally got my weight down into the healthy range with the help of diet, exercise and injectables over the past 12 months. I am now a size 10 - 12 and probably look the best I have in over 20 years. I can wear nicer clothes, and I take a new pride in my appearance and and clothes. I practically look like a different person and so much younger I was very lucky to have no issues with loose or saggy skin. My confidence is so much better and my new self image is a 180 on where I was before.

Its mostly been great and lots of people are supportive but some have been funny or even mean about my weight loss saying that I was a nicer person before that now I am always out for attention from others and men, this isn't true but I do get more attention now in general and from men which isn't even wanted but if you are out and you look good people will notice you more and some people don't seem to like that. One male friend (not overweight himself and has been critical of my weight in the past)said he though I looked amazing but that he didn't like it when his friends changed and that he felt less comfortable around me now at my new weight.

Other male friends, colleagues, acquaintances and random men have been more flirtatious with me something that never happened in the past. It is very disconcerting, on one hand it is good to know how much I have changed but on the other it is difficult to handle that kind of attention when you aren't used to it and also it makes you realise just how much of a non person others saw you as when you were bigger which makes me sad.

Anyone else dealing with these issues after significant weight loss?

OP posts:
Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 21:17

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griffindoor · 24/05/2024 21:26

@Janedoe82 Ooh, catty much? I do not seek attention I just happen to look good and people including men notice that and some people just age better than others and don't become as invisible as you suggest.

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 24/05/2024 21:28

@Janedoe82
Nasty

flairyfairy · 24/05/2024 21:29

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WTAF - what kind of response is that? Suggesting the OP makes herself ‘less’ so that the men around her can feel comfortable?

OP, congrats on your weight loss, it has obviously made you happy. Ignore others, their words and actions say a lot more about them than you.

Youdontevengohere · 24/05/2024 21:30

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WTF? OP was right when she mentioned jealousy…

griffindoor · 24/05/2024 21:31

Thanks everyone, lets just assume Jane was having a bad day!

OP posts:
pinksheetss · 24/05/2024 21:34

Jane must be having a terrible day! What an absolutely awful reply!

OP, flaunt it!! You worked hard and if it gets you attention then why not enjoy some. Life is too short to be jealous of others and usually when they are they have their own insecurities they are projecting. Probably like Jane Doe above there is doing

Congrats on the weight loss!

Panpastels · 24/05/2024 21:35

Enjoy it and fuck the haters Grin

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 21:46

I am not having a bad day at all. Just don’t sugar coat things. If OPs friends are telling her to wise up there is likely good reason for it.
For context I was a model in my teens and twenties and am still a size ten. I genuinely get compliments when I go out with friends (as do they and still very attractive in their 40s) but the idea that men are all falling over flirting is nonsense.

TinyYellow · 24/05/2024 21:47

This is something a close friend of mine experienced when she lost a lot of weight, and it was an eye opener. Like you she found it quite disconcerting and as an onlooker I found it fascinating to see how differently she was treated by strangers when I would genuinely never have clocked it was happening before the weight loss. It was difficult for her to enjoy the positive attention because all it did was reinforce how much people must have been negatively judging her before. It’s sad.

ClairemacL · 24/05/2024 21:54

I just KNOW @Janedoe82 is fat, lol.

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 21:55

ClairemacL · 24/05/2024 21:54

I just KNOW @Janedoe82 is fat, lol.

Promise I am not lol. BMI 19

FinallyPregnant23 · 24/05/2024 21:56

I lost 11 stone over the past couple of years, and it is really strange how differently I get treated now.

Im married and only have a small social circle so I haven’t really dealt with any jealous comments as such but people are much nicer to me. Especially men. It’s nice but also sad that I wasn’t “worthy” of being treated like this just because I was bigger before.

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 21:57

I think what the OP is seeing as flirting is just men being nice. Two very different things.

Youdontevengohere · 24/05/2024 21:58

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FinallyPregnant23 · 24/05/2024 21:58

Also to add, I don’t think it’s all because I objectively look “better” now. I think I feel more confident and hold my head up higher and I am no longer trying to be invisible or expect the worst from people, so I do think that helps too.

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 22:01

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See my post above. I suspect she is misinterpreting men being nice as flirting and fancying her and then irritating her friends twittering on about and then comes across as being a bit big headed. That would get on anyones nerves and has nothing to do with jealousy.

WayOutOfLine · 24/05/2024 22:02

I have had the exact same experience recently OP, apart from no mean friends making remarks. I look the best I have done in years for a combination of reasons, weight loss, redo of hair and make-up and dressing much better, and people do notice. More than that, I feel more confident even though I was fine before, more like my old self than the worn-down version. I would ignore the man who said he doesn't want you to change- how ridiculous and self-centred, he'd like you to remain a bit down in the dumps and not feeling your best- for him! Weird. Ignore him and enjoy that you feel good about yourself.

WayOutOfLine · 24/05/2024 22:05

Perhaps more men are flirting with her, or being more attentive. It is not news that men, indeed people in general, are attracted to attractive people! Hardly beyond the bounds of possibility.

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 22:07

I think to assume friends are jealous of your weight loss and being intentionally mean is unlikely.

Sparklfairy · 24/05/2024 22:15

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 21:57

I think what the OP is seeing as flirting is just men being nice. Two very different things.

The thing is, they weren't 'nice' to her before she lost weight.

And friends being different towards people who lose weight is a real thing. It touches on their insecurities about their own weight and/or they always liked having a 'fat friend' so they felt better about themselves.

A (male) friend of mine dropped from around 20st to maybe 17 stone. So a big achievement but he still had some way to go. Literally everyone around him, of every size, kept exclaiming how 'skinny' he was and telling him not to lose any/much more. He looked good of course but he was in no way 'skinny'!!

People are funny about weight. Even other people's.

decionsdecisions62 · 24/05/2024 22:17

Let's just ignore @Janedoe82 who seems to have made the thread about her!

Anyway op. With any positive change you are always going to get envy. Keep looking good girl and ignore the haters.

pinksheetss · 24/05/2024 22:19

Oh @Janedoe82 honey I feel quite bad for you :(

To see the world through those eyes is really sad.

ClaustrophobicKipper · 24/05/2024 22:24

I lost a significant amount weight in my 20s when I was working in a mostly male industry. Men who didnt give me the time of day before we're suddenly being friendly and falling over themselves to chat and help me with things. As others have said I just found it uncomfortable and sad. I had always been "me" on the inside but these people couldn't be bothered to see it

Janedoe82 · 24/05/2024 22:24

pinksheetss · 24/05/2024 22:19

Oh @Janedoe82 honey I feel quite bad for you :(

To see the world through those eyes is really sad.

What eyes? A realist! Must be working in sw too long lol

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