Jealousy and resentment after weight loss?

[griffindoor]

I have been overweight most of my adult life now at 44 I have finally got my weight down into the healthy range with the help of diet, exercise and injectables over the past 12 months. I am now a size 10 - 12 and probably look the best I have in over 20 years. I can wear nicer clothes, and I take a new pride in my appearance and and clothes. I practically look like a different person and so much younger I was very lucky to have no issues with loose or saggy skin. My confidence is so much better and my new self image is a 180 on where I was before.

Its mostly been great and lots of people are supportive but some have been funny or even mean about my weight loss saying that I was a nicer person before that now I am always out for attention from others and men, this isn't true but I do get more attention now in general and from men which isn't even wanted but if you are out and you look good people will notice you more and some people don't seem to like that. One male friend (not overweight himself and has been critical of my weight in the past)said he though I looked amazing but that he didn't like it when his friends changed and that he felt less comfortable around me now at my new weight.

Other male friends, colleagues, acquaintances and random men have been more flirtatious with me something that never happened in the past. It is very disconcerting, on one hand it is good to know how much I have changed but on the other it is difficult to handle that kind of attention when you aren't used to it and also it makes you realise just how much of a non person others saw you as when you were bigger which makes me sad.

Anyone else dealing with these issues after significant weight loss?

True. Many men will be much more receptive towards a slimmer woman than they will towards a plumper one, as most men aren't attracted to fat women. Some men will be nice and polite to them, but they will be much nicer to slimmer women, because slimmer women are much more attractive to most men.

I have been between 9 stone and 15 stone over the years - currently somewhere in the middle - and I ALWAYS get more male attention when I am slimmer. I get men just being polite when I am somewhere in the middle and some are quite pleasant. When I am 15 stone I get ignored OR sneered at and occasionally insulted (for my weight.) But yes, I get much more positive male attention when I am slimmer.

Most men DO think more of women when they're slimmer, and are more attracted to them. Fact. Sad fact, but FACT nevertheless.

Even men who still love their wives when she gets fat, and are still attracted to her, still prefer her slimmer.

And very VERY few men will be actively seeking a fat woman if he is on online dating.

So you were a model so have been used to that kind of attention your whole life ? Absolute opposite to what op is describing about her situation so anything you are saying is irrelevant.

Yes- people are generally nice. Fatism is real. But it isn’t the same as flirting and I can see why OPs friends wouldn’t have much time for someone thinking every man that spoke to them was flirting.

Very common, OP. It's discussed a lot on weight loss threads on reddit. I lost 5 stone a few years ago and I've recently dropped another stone while getting fit. The difference in how people treat you is night and day. Even my partner has had a negative reaction to it.

It's your body. It's your health. Focus on how good you feel and ignore the rest.

If we take Jane at her word and she was indeed a model and always been slim then perhaps it is a kind of example of what I am talking about. I don't know her or at least I don't think I do but when you meet the societal beauty standards i.e. are slim and attractive in a world where over half the population is overweight or obese then you are able to derive at least some if not quite a lot of privilege from that. So when that dynamic changes within your own social group and in society as a whole perhaps due to easier access to information, gyms, weight loss drugs, surgeries and so on and more people start to meet that beauty standard then your own value and privilege may start to feel diluted.

You see this reaction everywhere not just in weight loss or glowing up be also for any success or even for example with women doing well in the worlds of work and education we see men seeking to put us back in our place, telling us they don't like us anymore and we used to be better. There is a sense of don't get too far above your station in any way because it will put some people's noses out of joint.

@MattDamon I have heard it discussed before elsewhere but never experienced it until now its a very strange thing to witness, I am hoping that when everyone gets used to my new size it will stop being an issue.

'Men being nice'

Hahahaha! 😂

One male friend (not overweight himself and has been critical of my weight in the past)said he though I looked amazing but that he didn't like it when his friends changed and that he felt less comfortable around me now at my new weight.

Op he's isn't your friend.

@SabreIsMyFave Sadly I agree with you. I never expected or wanted men to be attracted to me when I was over weight but it would have been nice to be treated with common human decency regardless of my weight.

@pinkyredrose Yeah I don't know about him, in the past he would always tell me to lose weight but now I have he is being weird about it, I can't win!

The whole point of these guys —and if Jane by the way—is to set a standard that is not you, so you can chase it and then be chastised for whatever new equilibrium you have found.