Jealousy and resentment after weight loss?

[griffindoor]

I have been overweight most of my adult life now at 44 I have finally got my weight down into the healthy range with the help of diet, exercise and injectables over the past 12 months. I am now a size 10 - 12 and probably look the best I have in over 20 years. I can wear nicer clothes, and I take a new pride in my appearance and and clothes. I practically look like a different person and so much younger I was very lucky to have no issues with loose or saggy skin. My confidence is so much better and my new self image is a 180 on where I was before.

Its mostly been great and lots of people are supportive but some have been funny or even mean about my weight loss saying that I was a nicer person before that now I am always out for attention from others and men, this isn't true but I do get more attention now in general and from men which isn't even wanted but if you are out and you look good people will notice you more and some people don't seem to like that. One male friend (not overweight himself and has been critical of my weight in the past)said he though I looked amazing but that he didn't like it when his friends changed and that he felt less comfortable around me now at my new weight.

Other male friends, colleagues, acquaintances and random men have been more flirtatious with me something that never happened in the past. It is very disconcerting, on one hand it is good to know how much I have changed but on the other it is difficult to handle that kind of attention when you aren't used to it and also it makes you realise just how much of a non person others saw you as when you were bigger which makes me sad.

Anyone else dealing with these issues after significant weight loss?

I have to agree. OP, you have described so many men fawning over you that it's obvious that hurt as your friends have said, you likely are attention seeking and actively behaving in ways to attract flirting.

Even the most stunning women don't have men falling over themselves to flirt with them.

I'm really pleased you have lost the weight. It must feel fantastic but perhaps a little inward reflection will you realise your friends aren't jealous, they just don't particularly enjoy being around someone who is flirting like an 18 year old. Not surprising if you've never had attention before. But that doesn't mean your friends are jealous or not correct in their claims

“Let's just ignore @Janedoe82 who seems to have made the thread about her!”

and also done the classic MN trick of extrapolating impossible to know details about the OP and their situation which they have decided are facts.

at least we know her BMI though.

Spot on.

Who said anything about men fawning over her of falling over themselves to flirt with her?

OP mentions twice men flirting with her including ‘Other male friends, colleagues, acquaintances and random men have been more flirtatious with me l’.
Thats a lot of men and odd thing to say.

I completely agree @griffindoor. I was very slim pre-babies and experienced the opposite when I gained a lot of weight- I lost friends and people treated me as if I were a bit thick!

No one disputes Fatism exists.

You’ve no idea how many men it is, or if it’s an odd thing to say. If it’s true it’s not an odd thing to say at all, it would be an entirely logical thing to say.

Maybe they are just being nice!! And she isn’t used to it. And getting on her friends nerves going on about it! Nothing to do with jealousy!

I actually can’t remember the last conversation I had with a man when he wasn’t nice to me! but that doesn’t mean they are all flirting/ find me attractive 🙄

Im the opposite and can see how differently im treated after post babies weight gain.

It will be strange and exciting for you now you’re being noticed. I'd suggest therapy to
build your self esteem and coping mechanisms so you don't relapse or get taken advantage of by men. Enjoy the attention though!

Your friends might need time to adjust to the 'new' you but true friends will be supportive. i think any big change has the potential to show who your real friends are.

VERY common reaction from some people if a woman loses quite a bit of weight... especially women. Some get angry and bitter and jealous, especially if you look better than them with your weight loss, and have more confidence! Women who are slim are the worst as they want you to stay fat so you are not a threat to them (in their eyes!)

Well done on the new you! Keep it up sister!

I lost 2 stone and was running half marathons and 2 close friends were bitching about me. They were a bit bigger than me to start with but I changed the dynamic by being slim.it really shocked me at the time. I thought they’d be happy for me. I have different friends now. Ones who love me whatever my weight.

A threat in your forties?? Who are all these women who are sitting feeling threatened? Threatened of what exactly?? Nuts.

If your posts are to be believed you have always had “pretty privilege” so the fact that men are routinely nice to you rather proves OP’s point.

Maybe… or maybe they are flirting with her, like she has said they are. I’m not sure why you have convinced yourself these men couldn’t possibly be flirting with her, it’s so odd 😂

Yes- but it isn’t the same as flirting. It is just how every human should treat each other.

I am sure some probably are flirting but if my friends told me I was essentially being a pain in the arse I would wonder why and wouldn’t assume it was jealousy. I would be a bit more self reflective.

It doesn't have to be juvenile and obvious flirting, it's just making eye contact, making a remark to you whereas before they wouldn't, it's holding a door, it's making a joke. Of course this happens to you more if you are perceived as an attractive woman, have you not read the threads where everyone declares they are happy to be invisible after a certain age. I don't get people constantly flirting, but I do get chatted to a lot more when I'm thinner, and I don't think this is a news flash to most people!

I've struggled with my weight and it was hard for me to see others achieving what I would have loved to do but couldn't. I wasn't mean to them though, but I can understand the jealousy. I think it's because people can be a bit obsessed with their weight and that kind of disordered thinking extends to how they relate to others

I also note that your friend who remarked on you 'changing' was also a friend who remarked on you weighing too much before. He's a man who feels entitled to comment on his female friend's bodies. Horrid!

Omg have a day off love fgs!

Well YOU for a start love.

What a world to live in!

That is not what you have said up until now though, you seem to have decided she must be imagining it.

it’s not unreasonable to suggest she thinks more deeply about why her friends might be criticising her but you’ve taken a totally bizarre stance that she must be entirely delusional which is so odd given the information available.