I want a different me! Do you?

[DoctorDolittle]

Accountability thread. I piled on a huge amount of weight at start of menopause, was ravenous all the time, and am really struggling to lose it. I thought an accountability thread that also focused on increasing self-care and self-worth would be good.

So - food wise I think I’ll try “no snacks”, that gives some wiggle room with meals to be what I most fancy/will fit in with kids the most.

Self-care: I bought a whole new skincare regime a month ago, just start using it woman!!! Am pampering my decades-long neglected feet each night and have booked in to salon for eyelash tint and curl as now suddenly need to wear glasses and want to feel better about eye area behind them.

Fluids!!!

Any company would be welcome 😊

@Misshollys I used to stay in a holiday home near Gorey a lot as a child and I love reading ColmToibin but otherwise I don't know Wexford very well. We stayed next to Clones Strand and Kilmichael point. A very very windy garden lots of giant phormiums we sheltered behind...and then rhubarb and lettuces and washinglines! Along with shells and pebbles.

Husband is seeing his role as Tempter in Chief! He just brought me a cup of tea with a sponge cake. I refused the cake. Of course.

I think as long as I know a delicious meal is on the distant horizon (7.30pm)I can resist.

I could have written your OP!

I started my journey on New Year’s Day after seeing awful pics of myself on NYE night out, I was embarrassed at the weight I put on since hitting menopause - - I was 12.5 stone and have just had one weigh in after 3 months - I was 11 stone 3 Have done it by tracking calories on my fitness pal, giving up alcohol, and not doing weekly weigh ins. I always used to find if I did lose weight at a weigh in I’d relax and not try as hard, and if I didn’t lose weight I’d lose the will, so I’m going to weigh in again on another 2-3 months

Good luck on your journey!

@Schmoana My mother put on a lot of weight in middle-age through to her death in her 80s and my father always used to put it down to her refusal to weigh herself at all...it was a kind of extreme avoidance of the issue, a denial that her eating habits had any cause and effect. But weight gain or loss can be a psychological as well as physiological issue, it's so much a personal approach that works rather than a tried or tested method.

Sometimes it's a plan that does the trick, sometimes it's happenstance, sometimes it's a shock, either way (gain or loss).

But at the moment I am feeling my weight gain was entirely due to eating too much, as well as possibly HRT side effects, but I'm too disorganised for calorie counting or tracking, so i just blindly approach it from the no snack, no pudding angle.

@Schmoana welcome! We’re a gentle, accepting bunch here - and gardens are mentioned regularly 😆. It sounds like you’re doing very well the way you are doing things, that’s grand.

I sowed night scented stock and dealt with potting on some cuttings from last year, then moved the (very heavy) bird table then had to move some pots because I moved the bird table…it was a good workout!

Food has ended up being three Chedders, half a protein yoghurt and mackerel and salad. Really not hungry, more fancying cups of tea tbh. I know that’s nothing like enough so tomorrow I will definitely do better.
Self care tonight - hot bath and hair mask, yet more cream on my cracked heels, and I think might have an early night with hot water bottle and book. (The Other Half of Augusta Hope)

@Schmoana Welcome, I put on a lot of weight during the first few years of menopause, I was 48 & now I'm almost 54. Been on Hrt 3 years but really my head wasnt in the game trying to lose weight until last year.
Got the grass cut & it started to lash rain shortly, now we've a thunderstorm warning. Crazy weather.
I'm hopeing to plant my hanging baskets next weekend, it looks like weather might improve by then 🤞
Dinner was potatoes with salmon & lots of veggies, so all good. Going to have a scaldy hot shower now ahead of the 4am alarm in the morning.

@Nettleskeins that's mad, I'm actually only 20 miles from Gorey but inland, I work in Gorey too. Thats a beautiful place that yoy used to stay, I live going to the coast for beach walks, I find the sea so calming.

Did some sorting in son's room. 20 odd socks in the clean laundry pile made me laugh. Where do they go?!! Scrubbed a bathroom. Threw away some rubbish from landing and did some other housework, bins DW, worktops. In the leadup to supper (was feeling hungry by then...housework is distracting)
Supper was boiled potato (singular), steak, peppercorn sauce (Sainsbury's sachet with the steak) and lots of green salad with redvpepper and cherry tomato. Water to drink.
Another walk with dog, a short one at teatime.

So, today:

Exercise: dog walk x 2
Self care: buy some eye cream of some sort - eyelids seem really tight/dry at night.
Food: porridge with berries, cottage cheese & salad, lentil bolognese (I’ll do kids spaghetti but have mine without.)

I had to buy new bras - I’ve gone down from a 38G last time I bought them to a 34DD. I googled, and each breast used to weigh 1.65kg and now each one weighs 0.65kg, that’s a huge difference!

I do, but for different reasons.

I won't derail the thread, but I am my own worst enemy; and now I'm paying the piper for it.

I wish i was better.

@GoodHeavens99 you won’t derail the thread at all, talk to us if you’d like to. Might help you feel less alone with whatever you’re coping with.

That's so sweet of you.

I'll try to keep it brief.
My son is at secondary school and the lack of communication drives me mad.

He's had 2 pairs of trainers go walk about, and i've checked with all the usual places, and staff members, and they just shrug and smile at me.
I was getting very frustrated.
They just expect you to buy another pair that might also go missing.

You put things down in that school, and they just disappear.

So, when he couldn't find his PE kit (my son has additional needs, bless him, so he's trying his best), and no one wanted to help.
I got the shrug, and 'oh, we know it's frustrating' faces.

And i just lost my rag, and went crazy, because it's like banging your head against a brick wall.
I was angry, and i didn't swear at the teachers, or staff, but i was clearly angry.

The next day, I apologised to the head teacher for my behaviour, and he 'forgave me' (I suppose i'd call it). He's a nice chap.

I had an understandably shirty email from the HOY last week, which he said he was going to follow up with a phone call, last week.
He didn't, so i'm guessing that he'll call me today.

And I'm dreading it.
I am genuinely ashamed of my behaviour, i did go overboard, but being consistently ignored just made me blow my stack.

But, at the same time, I'm still a bit pissed off about the trainers thing.
I also want to be calm and adult about it, too.

I knew I was out of order and needed to calm down.
I knew I shouldn't have behaved like that.
I'm really embarrassed.
So, why do i do it??

I really do hate myself sometimes.

@GoodHeavens99 that sounds like a really, really draining situation.

If I were you I’d hold your head up high, apologise sincerely again, yes (also maybe ask if you can send an apology email to any particular member of staff that was involved?) but also want to discuss ways forward. Does your son have diagnosed additional needs - as if so, help with disorganisation needs to be included formally by school?

Secondly, and I mean this kindly, do you feel you need some support by family/friends/the nhs at the minute? Can you access any of those? Life can be a drip, drip, drip of things that finally overwhelm us if we don’t have help. None of us are infallible, we all make mistakes, especially when overwhelmed/panicked about money with CoL, etc.

And finally, I have an adult DD with severe adhd and dyspraxia, and two teens with ASD at the top end of high school, I really do get the stresses of this time in their lives and yours - come and chat here any time.

I met up with a friend and she took me to lunch yesterday and had a tuna wrap with salad, she very much queried my no added chips :). We also had a good laugh, she is getting divorced and it’s been a hard time for her. Did a walk in the evening as weather so bad, DH still unwell in bed but feels a bit better this morning. I did make a really nice chopped salad for dinner with a lemon and parsley dressing with a grilled chicken breast and a piece of garlic bread, usually I eat a third of the baguette.

Salad was cucumber, tomato, apple, red cabbage, red peppers, spring onions, beetroot, carrot, fresh parsley.

That's great advice, @DoctorDolittle.

Thank you for taking the time, to respond.

I know I bottle things up, and it doesn't do me any good.
I don't feel like I want to burden anyone IRL with my nonsense.
I'm a mess.

@ViciousCurrentBun salad sounds very tasty, you’ve made me want to up my game 😆. Glad DH recovering.

@GoodHeavens99 you aren’t nonsense - I always feel like nobody would want to listen to me in real life/think me pathetic but you know what - I’d happily listen to others, which means there must be people happy to listen to me. And you. Why not give reaching out to someone a shot. Do you know anybody dealing with secondary school kids themselves - you could both be each other’s sympathetic ear.

@GoodHeavens99 I'm out the other end now but I've felt the way you have many times (so much so that I withdrew one child from school in secondary...maybe too extreme a reaction). It will get better but I echo everything that @DoctorDolittle said.

The teachers have their own structural disadvantage, the system is set up to overload them and then they do the shrugging as a defence mechanism. I remember one HOY, in a very sticky situation with eldest, saying to me ...".of course I havent read your email..do you know how many emails I have to read???"

Anyway self care today consisted of sleeping in after a broken night (dog is now barking at 2am and 6am...grrr) a lovely walk through cow parsley bluebells camassia and alliums (our little city park has gone all out for wild gardening) and enjoying my

Toast (no butter)
Cream cheese full fat
Pistachio nuts x 5
Chopped quarter of an apple
Fresh coffee (no milk)

Lunch was going to be French onion soup (onions overflowing)but DH said he couldn't eat that and I should make curry.
No way. The most calorific moreish thing I can think of.. once you add in the rice and poppadoms and coconut milk.

I suppose I could try a slimline version with more veg less rice and chutney.

I self trimmed my hair as it was impossible to brush. Looks better and I've brushed it. I feel like a pony that needs a curry comb.

Now going to order some Liane Moriarty books after watching Big Little Lies on Now/Sky Atlantic for first time. Gripped. And my favourite actor from Severance too, Adam Scott.

@Nettleskeins I make a tomato-based vegetable curry that’s slimming that the whole family love…they have it with brown rice and I usually have it with cauliflower or Konjac rice. It’s really filling tbh.

Whats making the dog wake up twice do you think? It’s tiring when they do, as you wake up enough it’s hard to get back to sleep.

I've made a lamb, potato and spinach curry for this evening (the potato and spinach I've yet to add)
Lunch was perfectly delicious although only "just enough"...could easily have had second helpings or pudding: I resisted.
Wild rice mixture from Biona with half a tin of red salmon, chopped avocado half, chopped quarter cucumber, oil and vinegar.

A lie down after lunch- garden was too overwhelming/source of friction (too many opinions between DH and I) so I treated myself by retiring from fray, reading and staring at blue skies and fluffy clouds scudding past.
Another dog walk. DH did some gardening of his own - much better for him to do his own thing!
Dog is waking because I'm soft and let him on our bed if he wakes, so I need to start re-settling him at night, tiring but it probably worth it. Foxes wake him and then he thinks! Upstairs!!

And you are right, BBC Good Food is full of delicious looking healthy curries. DH not such a fan of spicy food at the moment though so I made a mild version.

@Nettleskeins I like the idea of treating yourself by withdrawing from the fray! Sometimes space is the best medicine.

I’m tired today, and getting hormonal, could have easily mindlessly eaten but I haven’t. I’m going to go and get some hot lemon water and watch the snooker before bed.

Tomorrow it’ll be porridge followed by lentil soup. Fruit salad.

Gentle hugs to all feeling tired and defeated, and heroic salute to those who get up so early @Misshollys

Curry was nice although I did eat about two of the potatoes in it, despite waiving the white rice on offer. Ate lots of spinach separately on the plate to stop me getting carried away with second helpings.

No fruit and nothing but water

I'm sleeping nearer the dog tonight so I can do a lightning resettle. Our bedroom is three flights of stairs away from the dog normally!

Dark chocolate and brazil nuts are recommended for hormonal peace apparently. (I read this somewhere) Cherries and oats too.

More interesting drama series, we seem to be on a Nicole Kidman roll, this time with Hugh Grant in Undone.

UnDOING drama series rather

I’ll check that series out, quite enjoying Hugh Grant at the minute.
It’s bleak weather here today, definitely need a fire on later.
DP’s blood pressure is high, I made him go to the doctor this morning for a mot and prostate test as he’s nearly 70; I’m glad I did. He eats very well, but I’ll look in to incorporating more foods from the dash diet and try not to worry whilst it’s monitored.

DH has been on blood pressure tablets for years. He isn't entirely convinced by them but has been told they are v important to protect against ....I can't remember exactly. Unfortunately he gets white coat syndrome where his BP soars in clinical settings.

Meanwhile, I've dressed in a nice dress for my dog walk instead of being a bag lady.

Breakfast was experimentally a fried egg in butter with unbuttered slice of brown toast and a whole apple. Fresh black coffee.
Put out a vase of flowers after tidying kitchen.

We get a vegetable box delivered and it has arrived today.

Anything nice in the veg box?