Small people who say they fat makes me feel terrible as I'm 14 stone

[drumsandbells]

Feel so terrible and then smaller size people who say they are concerned re weight or dieting makes me feel so bad about myself.
This is 'not' their fault or wrong of them either as they are just trying to maintain their weight and not go up. I remember being 9st 7lbs years ago and thinking weight creeping up and now I am massive.
Just feel 'so' out of control myself and can't believe I have got to this.
Food feels like a drug.
Wish I was young and ten stone again.
Some people would say that was too much but 14 stone feels out of control.
I am now in my middle age and regret how I look, my fault only, oh not attracted to me I'm sure as was on their way few yrs ago. Still here but weighs a few pounds more they should-pretty fit looking. Young beautiful women look at him. I see and pretend I haven't noticed how they are looking as if what's he with her for!? I just feel invisible and angry with myself as I am finding it hard to get a grip.
Any advice would be greatly received.
I hate reading when one of you mumsnetters says I'm 60kg and want to be 50kg. I feel jealous and envious but know you are always wanting to be in control and not become me. It's not your fault. It's my problem and I need help.
Feel tearful/somewhat depressed but weight journey just seems unreachable😰😰

Hi OP. I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish - weight loss is so hard and I totally know what you mean. One of my friends who's a few years older than me complained about peri-menopause weight gain a while. She is tiny and always has been. At most she's a bit softer around the edges but still very thin. It is so upsetting to hear people complain when at the time I was trying to just slow the weight gain!

If course it's not their fault but that doesn't mean it's not rubbish!

I have had a lot of success recently with Corinne Crabtree's No BS weight loss plan. You can access it here https://www.nobsweightloss.com/

I've just done the free course and listened to her podcasts. It has really helped me rethink my attitude towards food and foe the first time in years I feel in control of what I eat.

More overweight you are easier it is to lose weight. Just get started. Stop making excuses.

Hey. I just came onto this topic to see if anyone was feeling the same. I have never been skinny, but was a healthy 9.5-10.5 stone through my 20s. (5'6") Up and down with pregnancies, but mostly around 11ish in my 30s which looks fine on me... now mid 40s, had a rough few years and somehow find myself just a few pounds shy of 14. It's horrifying. I've tried a couple of times to start and lost a bit (most of a stone) but always fall back into constant binge grazing and it creeps back up. I'm really determined to fix this. Have no illusions of being skinny but I want to feel comfortable again and get back to 11 ideally. I feel so uncomfortable, flew recently and the seat felt narrow. Had to buy size 18 jeans.

Would love to have a thread for anyone else in a similar position.

Wow. So helpful and encouraging.

I hadnt weighed in years as I just find it demoralising and it knocks me back. I go by what fits and how I look and feel.
Having said that,I broke my rule while visiting friends as the scales in the bathroom were out and just begging me to step on.
13 stone. I remember being depressed the day I hit 10 stone! Hey ho. No more scales for me as now I have that stuck in my head!

I'm one of those people OP. (My "excuse" is that I compare myself with my country folk who are much slimmer than people here, women my age at least.)
Anyway - I beat myself up all the time. If only I had a little bit of willpower. Was a little bit thoughtful of what I eat rather than emotionally eating/giving up on any self care.
It's both so easy and so bloody hard.

I hate when people of about 5'6 say they're short. I feel like what now. They must think I'm walking along beside them in a trench built in to the ground. It is irritating.

Unfortunately no amount of smoke blown up your arse will help. It's no fun but you have to commit and do it or join the body positivity brigade. Yes I have been there and done that.

Did someone say this? I mentioned my height to give context to my weight but always considered 5'6" the tall side of average.

You are not wrong. And we all know it. But that doesn't make it easy. And no one has any idea about anyone else's situation.

Anyhow, OP I would love to chat and try to support one another as sounds like we are in much the same place. Feel free to send me a message.

In the nicest possible way OP, its not about you. If someone is feeling uncomfortable with their weight/health, they're talking about themselves, they could be sitting with exacty the same feelings as you are despite how you see them

Just accept that someone is feeling what they are feeling for themselves and then it might take the pressure off you that you're putting on yourself, you dont need to compare yourself to anyone else, its not a competition, you just need to do what is right for you.

Completely agree it's not easy. It's a lifetime commitment. For me once I fucked my diet up and had to diet it became a diet for life. Wishing anyone o that journey the very best of luck x

Someone of 20 stone is probably thinking the same way about you. The only way forward is to decide for yourself how you want to live and make changes accordingly. What someone else weighs and how they feel about it is up to them.

I understand how you are feeling OP. Sometime people just don't think.

My DH's best friend always moans about his sister 'being large' and is constantly making comments about her. I'm bigger than she is and I often think ' god, so people think that about me'

Now I feel bad that I said I wanted to join in on the other thread about a four week focus.

There is another long running thread that I’m on for short people losing weight and in all honesty I’d forgotten that a big part of that being set up was because people make you feel like you shouldn’t be trying to lost that last half stone, even though you’d be healthier.

My friend is much bigger than me, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling unhealthy and uncomfortable when my size creeps up.

I don’t mind being heavier when I’m active and feeling healthy though. Do you move enough?

I know what you mean OP. But I also think you need to bite the bullet.

It’s very hard and I’ve been there but once you’re into a routine - whatever works for you - it becomes bearable.

Don’t worry about others.

I understand OP. I felt like you. I’ve lost 23 kilos (3.5 stone) in 3..5 months on a very low calorie diet and I feel incredible - even though am only half way there.

I am one of those people who needs to see results quickly find it gets easier the more I continue. I told my work colleagues I was going to do it, got the food parcels delivered to work and just stubbornly got on with it.

You might be someone who needs to take food out of the equation completely for now. I do use My Fitness Pal to log everything I eat and have the odd proper meal - just make sure is high protein and low carb.

Giving up alcohol has been surprisingly easy, because it can be dangerous to start drinking again once in ketosis. I won’t lie though - the first week was really tough.

i completely understand how you feel OP. Slim people moaning that they’re fat really get on my nerves too. However, in all honesty if I’d have been as mindful as them when starting to get a bit of a extra padding and done something about it at the time, I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now.

There's a podcast called the secret world of slimming clubs. It's not a diet podcast at all but is very lighthearted and funny with some ideas thrown in. Worth a listen.

Hi everyone thanks for replying.
Really interesting reading everyone's views.
I was thinking about why I feel so shit most of the time these days.
One of the reasons could be My oh is very fit and active and the people who are around them are same so I always feel like a unfit lump
In their company and try to wear stuff to hide my weight.
They are all sporty and good at it and I feel a different sort of person. I admire them and wish I was like this but I'm not. Ive never really enjoyed sport.
Also recently when away a lot of the other ladies walking around brown in very skimpy bikinis and I felt terrible. I knew my oh would notice as these people looked beautiful and I just look like a big white lump of lard.
Not making excuses it's my fault just not naturally anything.

Sounds so similar to me in your fluctuations of weight through your life.
My lowest weight 8st 10lbs not for long.
Highest weight 15st 7lbs about 5 years ago.
Weight I felt me at 10st.
Weight I thought shit oh switching off to me 14st 13lb. On diet doing well but oh still checking out gradually.
Weight 12st 5lbs had lost 2st 7lbs feeling better but long way to go but beginning to feel not long till in 11 section.
Got down to 10.2 felt amazing 2019 around October. Now 14st 4lbs....

Op. I’m absolutely sure women aren’t eying up your husband and thinking why’s he with her, that’s your interpretation due to your low self esteem at rhe moment.

why does it feel unachievable for you to loose weight, can you explain further?

I think a lot of women feel that wherever they are on the weight scale that they wish they were as slim as the women lower down the scale. Everybody is different and feels happier and healthier at different weights. Try not to compare yourself to others and focus on your own health and happiness. The LOSE IT threads are great and very supportive in helping posters adopt healthier lifestyle choices. I lost over 2 stone with the help of those threads and they are full of women at all different weights and stages.

He is physically fit and have had two occasions where women have held his leg near knee in my presence and also in a beauty salon I was in looking at products for hand care the ladies said they could give him a full body massage and laughed with him and among themselves.
I think he could do alot better looks wise not caring wise as I really do look after him and he knows that and appreciates it.
Also few years ago he was going but changed mind. I was heartbroken 💔 and have never got my confidence back as glad we still together but think if I can look after and care for him so much and he was still going I can't get over that.
I changed as a person.

Will listen