My 15 year old has put on weight

[Stripeybluetop]

My dd loves her food. As an easy comparison, her brother (13) is much more easy going about it but my dd has always been very into it. Since they were babies her plate is always left empty while his would have bits and pieces of food left after a meal.

My DH is the same. Mad about food. So am I but I watch myself closely. My DH is overweight. He had bariatric surgery 3 years ago but the weight has crept back on.
I've always watched my DDs food intake to make sure she's healthy but now she's a little older she is much more in control of her food- eg she can go and buy herself takeaways. She is now, for the first time, overweight. I'm distressed. I think it's a really difficult burden to be overweight.

All her friends have eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia and it's like she compensates the other way. Please, please, does anyone have an tips about how to handle this?

Does she do any exercise? What have your taught her growing up about the importance of having a balanced diet? It’s not all about eating a full plate, it’s what’s on that plate too.

Do you exercise as a family; could you start cycling/longer walks/jogging together? I think discussing portion sizes with her is important, not to fixate but just what is a healthily portion

I've just agreed that she can have a cat if she goes for a run for 30 days in a row. I explained the concept of 5 mins running, 5 mins walking. What do you think?
I've asked her a million times to join me on my walk and she won't. She's heading out now. I wonder will she bottle it by being embarrassed running.

She knows about a balanced diet and she likes vegetables. I'm a terrible cook. My dh is a wonderful cook. But he's dysfunctional when it comes to food and this is a major problem: too much cream, carbs, etc. He is good with vegetables and salads though.

Ooh the cat/running thing is a horrible idea, sorry. You’re edging into eating disorder territory there and that is never good

The best way is to model good eating habits, never using weight loss as a stick to encourage. Instead talk about how a healthy diet an exercise will make her feel better overall.

Yes I'm worried that it's not a great idea. But we have talked about a healthy diet and exercise for years. The weight inched on. She needs to do exercise.

I agree with this. Also, just from the health perspective, going from no running at all to running for 30 days straight can lead to overuse injury. Encouraging exercise without tying it to a reward is the way to go.

Yes I know. But I've been encouraging exercise for years and getting nowhere. She used to do dancing and horse riding but didn't get back into it after covid- she was in her teens by then and I couldn't convince her.

If I were you and I wanted to help my daughter I would become a good cook. There are so many easy to follow recipies out there nowadays. Healthy and easy to make. I would start taking over some of the cooking in the house and show her what healthy food is. Even slow cooker meals, where you dump all the ingredients into the slow cooker and leave it to cook for a few hours, can produce nice tasty healthy meals. I dont want to be harsh but saying you are a terrible cook, when there are so many options, sounds like a cop out to me. You and your daughter could even cook together. I think if this really is important to you, you will be able to start learning to cook nice healthy meals.

Agree with this, I think its not a great idea to run every day if you're not used to it. But good to encourage exercise, ideally that they will enjoy.

My DD absolutely hates running and wouldn't contemplate it under any circumstances, but has done home work outs/HIIT type exercises on YouTube. Possibly a class would be better at a set time/place, or doing something with a friend. Even as someone who likes running its pretty hard to motivate myself to go out on my own some days.

I think it would possibly be ok for someone to set themselves their own goal or reward for losing weight but not for someone else.
It sounds really difficult OP and hard to talk about eating/weight with teens whose body/hormones are changing all the time.

Go to the GP, children shouldn’t diet without professional supervision.
stop with the cat is she runs, to lose 1lb by exercising she would need to run full pelt for 7 hours.
The fact hubby has already had surgery and they regained weight means u all need help with healthy eating and portion sizes.

I think you need to teach yourself to cook and teach her.

Agree with pp that you should really learn to cook. It may be daunting at first but there's nothing like putting something on the table that you've made and everyone enjoys. There are some wonderful cookbooks, such as the Roasting Tin series, that are full of nutritious, delicious recipes that are very easy to prepare.

Also agree that the 30 day run for a cat is not great, and oddly counterproductive.

Where is your DD getting money for takeaways? Put a stop to that pronto.

Learn to cook together - go on a summer school

do coach to 5 K together
running every day for 30 days - bad idea

cat is a bad idea

have lots of lovely snacks and drink loads of water

move more

not weight but health

I cook for them after school every day- just because I say I'm a terrible cook (and I am) doesn't mean I don't cook.
Its just not a great culture of food in the house with my DH's issues and my own too. She loves cooking but, again, it's not very healthy.
I hate cooking. But yes, I've been trying to cook with her recently. I'll keep doing that.

I think I'll ask her to go on a summer school cooking course with me. I reckon she'd love that.

Get her a Fitbit and go walking in the evenings power walking

One of my earliest memories is my mother discussing my weight at 3 now I’m 40 still with an eating disorder I’ve had them all don’t keep going on at her about it also the running is not a good idea make healthier swaps at home

I would check carefully all portions sizes. When I did this it was a revelation! I have kitchen scales out as I always use them for cooking so it doesn’t look deliberate just natural.
Then try to think about little changes e.g low-fat soft cheese instead of full fat cheese, less cream but add grated courgettes to the casserole, etc.
Think about snacks : she needs them so you should be realistic and help her to have something.
Sugary drinks are often the culprit. I also would be careful with low fat options as they’re loaded with sugar.
I take my DD for shopping and always plan walking at least part of the way.
So it’s more about little things.
A lot of them go to gym at this age. It’s good idea if you join as under 16 is much cheaper to add and then it created a habit.
Also you sure that it’s food related? That it’s not connecting with thyroid issues or PCoS, just checking.

Thanks for these great ideas. Really appreciated. She already has a fit bit but I wonder can I get her to use it?

I would say portion size is important- make sure you dish up in the kitchen and take it through for example, rather than everyone helping themselves. Otherwise my DD for example would grab 5 bits of garlic bread and put them
on her plate before anyone else has had any!

Look at what you’re having over the course of a week- cut down on things with creamy/cheesy sauces.

Definitely getting her into cooking is a good idea. We did Hello Fresh for a while and the kids loved helping with that and the recipe cards are really idiot proof!

Does she have meals at school? I am a teacher and honestly the food is pretty crap, I see the same kids with pizza and donuts every single day.

Totally agree with not making an issue of it and modelling healthy eating. Sit down in the evening with a massive bowl of grapes to share for example instead of crisps/ sweets.

Please don't encourage her to diet and don't even use the word 'diet' around her! Just stick to talking about health, not size or losing weight. I wish more people referenced this, but the average teenager can gain up to 15lbs in puberty and it will melt away again once they hit 18/19 – IF they don't mess with their metabolism by going on strict diets. Honestly, I piled on weight at 15 and I wish I'd known to leave it alone. That was the trigger for 35 years of yo-yo weight loss and gain and disordered eating. So tell her the change to her body is normal and it will resettle.

As a mum of a teen with an ED if you have a teen who loves their food then leave them alone!!

Unless a Dr has told you she is so overweight it's effecting her health, back off.

It is normal for teen girls to gain weight, once their hormones and eating patterns settle down in their late teens/twenties so will her weight.

What's a typical meal look like? If you cut eighty percent of processed stuff and no freezer stuff ( apart from frozen veg) and put out a suitable portion, she should naturally settle at a good weight. Agree at that age it's typical to gain a bit of weight, cause of hormones etc. Are you near a town , if going out for lunch or dinner, walk there and back instead of driving, start a gardening project, put some yoga videos on YouTube and if she sees you doing them she may join in? Definitely don't try to run for 30 days straight, that's the road to injury and will do nothing for weight loss if the problem is food.

I'm glad I'm not the only one saying it!

You actually sound too anxious about it.

She knows what she looks like. She is a self conscious teenager with mirrors.

I would just continue to make her food as you currently do. If she buys a macdonalds when she's out that's not going to make her obese

The way you are so controlled with your eating is actually eating disorder terratory I think it's you and your projection of what food and exercise she SHOULD have is the issue