My 15 year old has put on weight

[Stripeybluetop]

My dd loves her food. As an easy comparison, her brother (13) is much more easy going about it but my dd has always been very into it. Since they were babies her plate is always left empty while his would have bits and pieces of food left after a meal.

My DH is the same. Mad about food. So am I but I watch myself closely. My DH is overweight. He had bariatric surgery 3 years ago but the weight has crept back on.
I've always watched my DDs food intake to make sure she's healthy but now she's a little older she is much more in control of her food- eg she can go and buy herself takeaways. She is now, for the first time, overweight. I'm distressed. I think it's a really difficult burden to be overweight.

All her friends have eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia and it's like she compensates the other way. Please, please, does anyone have an tips about how to handle this?

Pressed send too early

Only have healthy foods in the house

You dont have to be a great cook

Chicken stir fry packed with veg easy peasy

No snacks In the house

Rather than the running could you join a gym? My local gym offers sessions for 13-18year olds and they always look very busy. You can feel a bit self conscious running on the street.

What does a normal week of meals look like in your house?

Why did your husband need bariatric surgery and is now putting weight back on?

Why is anything being cooked with cream in?

What is your relationship with food?

What are you as a family modelling to her?

I think you have to be really careful. It's often a misconception that people with eating disorders don't love food. They absolutely do. Many - and I include myself in this category - are totally obsessed with it. There are worse things in the world than being a bit overweight. Just love her and make her feel valued for being herself.

I'm not massively controlled with my eating at all. I'm pretty erratic but I like my own diet. I walk a bit and wish I had the time to walk more. Walking is on and off for me, depending on my work.

My dd came back from the run in great form. She did 3 minutes running 3 minutes walking rather than 5 mins run/walk. I think i made a mistake i think it should have been 1 minute run/walk? She's happy with 3 minutes run/walk and says she's going to keep at that.

I've booked a cookery course together. I can't help hating cooking. I love lots of things. Cooking isn't one of them.

She recently started working in a cafe where the food is very healthy. I hope this impacts her in a positive way.

Yes, I'm very anxious about her. It's her challenge and I want to help her. I know how many eating disorders begin as a result of weight gain so I'm very careful.

What does a normal week of meals look like in your house?
A wide mix. My cooking is boring, spaghetti bol; chicken and carrots and potatoes and gravy; sausage, beans and mash. My DHs cooking is healthier as its a wide range of food, but heavy in cream, fried. She eats my food much more than his. But learnt his habits when she was younger and lashes on the sauce and gravy. I eat his food in the evening and have a small dinner with kids.

Why did your husband need bariatric surgery and is now putting weight back on?
He has had a dysfunctional relationship with food since he was a kid. He's putting it back on because the impact of the surgery seems to diminish as time goes on.

Why is anything being cooked with cream in?
because it tastes lovely and we all love tasty food.

What is your relationship with food?
its ok. I love good food. I eat too much junk. I'm slightly overweight.

What are you as a family modelling to her?
Our own weaknesses.

I agree you have to be so careful how you deal with this. I mean how overweight are we talking OP whats her bmi? Is she tall? Its always difficult teens can so easily start getting body issues from a young age 😔

Please don’t do the cat thing. It’s just the sort of thing my parents would have done. It’s a horrible conditional transaction. I know you’re concerned but this isn’t the answer. You’ll set her up for a lifetime of doubt and self-loathing.

I missed this. This is awful, OP. You can't bribe her with a pet because if she fails she'll be so upset and that could trigger comfort eating! And running 30 days on the trot with no rest days is setting her up for injury. Please don't do this.

My dd was like this. She put on a fair bit of weight at about 14. She also ate a lot.

At 16 she was diagnosed with ASD and the eating thing was a sensory thing. However, she’s gone beyond that now, and again at 16 she lost interest in food

Now she’s tall and slim. Sometimes they just balance out.

She's already changed her mind and is saying that she'll run two days, then cycle with her boyfriend other days. She's a cheerful kid. She didn't anxiously charge out running her way to a cat this morning. On the contrary, she went out exuberantly with a mission. She's a bit flighty and has been harassing me for a cat for ages. She didn't look after the last cat.

And I agree with @Cupoftea80 about school options. My DD used to have pasta and a cake/muffin with her friends having chips and similar. DD was very into healthy eating but it’s the easiest and quickest option. School meals are not famous for low fat protein.
Does your DD have a snack on the way home e.g hot chocolate? A lot of teens around here do this, it’s awfully calorific. So I would research a bit what she can get after school. My DD started taking extra drink with her (like a juice drink but very diluted) and I have noticed that it’s reduced her hunger straight after school.
We also cut juice and cream under the excuse of cost, also Im trying to buy nicer fruits so they will go as a pudding.

in these circumstances I would quietly look after a cat without making any fuss. You are lucky- mine would love to have a cat but would never ever agreed to the running. She would do brisk walking to Primark or Superdrug though ( if I’m paying for shopping) so I’m regularly using this.

Diet and exercise are separate issues. Her diet/potion sizes needs to be tackled rather than bribing her with a cat and she's likely to just stop running as soon as the 30 days are up. It's very common for teens to take time to settle down with their weight.

But how overweight is she actually?

I’m encouraged to read that putting on weight at this age is normal as I’m in the same boat with my DD16. She eats fairly healthily at home but I think she might be buying stuff when she’s out. She does no exercise and the weight is creeping on.

Some of the answers on this thread are from people who clearly don’t have any experience with teens. ‘Encouraging’ exercise is all very well but you can’t make your teen do it. I’m also mindful that I have to be really careful what I say about weight as I don’t want to make it a big issue.

I don’t want my DD to become overweight as it is then very difficult to lose it without developing unhealthy issues with food and slipping into a habit of yoyo dieting, which is awful for the metabolism. Much better not to become overweight in the first place.

But how to do you make a 16yo exercise?!

weight management is 80% food 20% exercise so you need to help her reprofile what she's eating. Up the protein, fruit and veg. Treat foods like choc and sweets only a couple of times a week.

Thank you @Tiddler39 we're in a similar place. Once you put it in its very difficult to lose.

It's not chocolate or sweets that her problem. It's takeaways with her boyfriend.

Jesus
Bad, bad idea

I don't know how much overweight she is. She has stopped growing about a year ago (I think this is relevant) and her school trousers are now too tight for her. They fitted her perfectly before Easter. She was size 14 in trousers, 12 on top. I guess she's now size 16 on bottom.

Is that age 14 size?

Size 16 adult is pretty big for a 15 year old. Or age 16?

How tall is she OP?

She's got a boyfriend? Not pregnant is she?