Being skinny

[laurwalsh]

Hi, I'm just posting ti see if anyone is similar to me. I've always been very lucky and naturally thin. Weight was never a concern although for my 20s and 30s I'll be honest my lifestyle was pretty grim and a lot of drug taking. Which definitely factored to my ability to stay slim. So fast forward I'm now 39 with two kids and all grown up, and hitting middle age. However I am obsessed with my weight and being skinny again. It's just so damn hard now I'm older. I personally just hate having weight on me. I'm a low maintenance person overall and don't wear much makeup or ever really glam etc. but my weight is such a big thing for me and I'm wondering if this is normal. I'm 9 stone currently which is taking a lot of effort both diet and exercise. But I want to be 8 stone, I'll settle with 8.5. I don't think it's possible as finding keeping to 9 stone hard and restricted enough. But why is this so important for me. I just feel my best skinny / thin and that is literally what makes me happy and confident. It's just frustrating as I can't seem to embrace aging and my body changing. Is anyone else like this?

I was going to say I’m the same, always skinny now I’m not. But you weigh 9 stone, that is slim? Why do you want to be thin/skinny?
How tall are you?

I'm 5'6, I honestly just see it as being the most important thing to me physically and the only way I feel attractive. I'm fine at being 9 stone but even going to 9.5 I feel so gross and fat and unattractive. I know I'm coming across as weird. Just hoped others might be similar.

BMI = 17.9 is not good
I mean, you can feel how you like, and do what you like, but what you want is not healthy

No advice but I'm the same, exactly the same as in I don't do my hair or makeup fancy, I dress quite grungy but hate carrying extra pounds.
Was 8 stone ish, now 10 ish, I eat less now than I did 20 years ago, do more exercise too. Mid 40s here.
I try and be grateful for my good health and just dream of being skinny again.

@Dnadoon fair plays. I need to let it go too, but it always at the back of my mind. And I know bmi 17 is not healthy but to me that's what makes me feel healthy.

DD is anorexic. I'd be delighted if her BMI got as high as 17.9.

But she didn't used to be. Suddenly happened when she was 19yo. She was totally comfortable in her own skin before that, and a healthy weight. Very relaxed about food, liked being fashionable, but worried about her acne not her figure. Constantly enjoying attention from men, & could be anxious, fierce or selfish but no one would have put her down as lacking confidence. Then between April & June she turned into a different person. Almost 2yrs later hasn't really got better, she's still doing crazy food behaviours & underweight. She's actually a bit more honest about her control freak behaviour. which still includes food & body image.

So what I'm asking while I have a maybe captive audience, WHY? I can't figure out what triggered DD & I don't know how to untrigger it.

At your height and weight someone said your bmi is 17.9 which is on the low end of healthy.

i would get your BF% using some smart scales. Aim for around 19-25% BF. You won’t want to go any lower than that and you will have a fine physique.
Hit the gym 3X week add resistance training to tone up
Log your food using an app like My Fitness Pal to count your calories and macros.
At your local gym, one of the PTs should be able to give you free advice on the numbers to aim for calories and macros.
You prob don’t need to lose any weight. If the scales say your BF% is a little high above 25% then just do a recomp which is basically weight staying the same but burning fat and building lean muscle so your weight will effectively stay the same but you have a leaner more athletic physique over a one that is a little flabbier.

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear about your DD. I don't consider myself anorexic but I have read alot about it and for the majority of girls it's not about the physical attractiveness. It's all about control, low self esteem, punishing oneself. (And for me it's all about feeling attractive hence why I don't think I'm in that category) I've read that there is a feeling of wanting to control their food as gives them power they lack in their lives. They also feel like they don't deserve to eat. Gosh I hope this isn't upsetting you. But thank god she has some insight. I would encourage her to get support and ED specific counselling if she is willing fingers crossed 🤞

Well it sounds like a form of self-control to me - it’s like an eating disorder really isn’t it?
You have a certain number on the scales or way you want to look in your head that you’ve built up to being your ideal and anything less makes you feel you’ve failed? I do understand as I definitely strive to be a certain weight and feel I’ve let myself down if I can’t reach it - however mine is a healthy weight for my height. I’d look like a corpse at 9 stone! (I’m 5”8”)

I was always 56 kgs for years and never had to try.
Getting closer to 50 and now I'm 62 kgs. I think it's just getting older and accepting our bodies will change.
I've had to adjust my attitude though because I was always so critical of people who held weight, now it's me.
Bit of self reflection is confronting 😳

Thank you! Would you believe I've just joined my local gym, got assessed and have a resistance weights programme. I went on Tuesday snd I honestly still can barely walk! I'm going to try and do yoga this evening to help recover! But I'm enjoying it.

When I was thin (way too thin but ate what I wanted, 7.5 stone, looked bloody awful) I still had a slight belly. It was never flat. Is that what you want to achieve? Is it a part of your body that you dislike?

At 9.5 stone I was working out with weights and felt fit and strong and a size 8/10. I’m also 5ft 6. That was my perfect weight.

I think you know your ideal weight is not healthy, you know it’s too thin, not actually healthy at all.
You ARE very slim already, please don’t let this turn into an obsession. Concentrate on being healthy, eating well and being strong. Constant dieting can affect your bones, skin, teeth, hair, nails. You won’t feel healthy if you starve yourself of nutrients.

I used to be much much skinnier but now I am older I think about how much more care / nourishment my body needs. I can't get away with starving myself anymore if I want to honour my body and secure a long and healthy future.

It's like looking after an older car - you've got to be far more careful and invest more time in it to keep it running well

That’s good. Would personally ask gym staff for fitness advice particularly for free consultations as they can point you in the right direction or look towards getting an online PT to reach your goals.

I was very skinny all my young years and then hit my 20's and had to go on the pill late teens for acne and I put weight on although my boobs grew which was could as I was really flat chested. Anyway. I was about 10 10 for a long time and wanted to get slimmer. Now I'd love to be 10 10 again. I'm now about 13.7. I am rambling but I'm trying to say we always want to be slimmer and it's not healthy to try to be an unrealistic weight.

Good not could

I don’t know why people are aging your bmi is 17, it’s around 20 which is a healthy weight. If you got down to 8 stone, you would be in the underweight zone for bmi, and it’s also quite an ageing look as you get older.

It is harder to lose weight as you age. I weighed 8 stone 7 when I got married and I’m 5’8.5. I weighed even less than that when I was breast feeding. There’s no way I could get that low now, even if I tried.

*saying your bmi. Bloody phone.

DillDanding: OP is 5'6" and wants to be 8 stone. You tell me what her BMI would be at 5'6" tall & BMI = 8 stone.

As I said, if she was 8 stone, she’d be in the underweight category. At 9 stone, she’s in the healthy range.

Yes, I’m the same. I’m 5’4” and weigh 7stone 2. People tell me all the time that I need to put weight on but the thought of seeing those numbers on the scale go up literally terrifies me.

I don’t see myself as being small, just a normal size but I do have a history of disordered eating and probably body dysmorphia so I do understand I may be wrong.

I get where you're coming from OP. I'm 5.2, always been about 8 / 8.5 stone. Have got closer to 9 on occasions and not feel comfortable at that, though it's a healthy weight. It's hard to explain it, I just prefer how it feels to be slim.
Totally agree about using gym, building strength, getting toned. That makes you feel good physically and mentally, and you might be less focused on the scales. I rarely weigh myself, just go on how I feel. If I skipe exercise for a few days I start to feel a bit ropey!

Ok looking at bmi calculator the lowest you can go to be in “healthy” range is 8 stone 6 pounds. However, would focus on doing recomp so keeping weight same as losing fat and gaining muscle instead.

You say you don't think you fit into the category of being anorexic, but it sounds to me you may have a bit of body dysmorphia?
No-one can tell you how to think or how to feel but it sounds like you put a lot of your self-worth into your weight.

I would try to focus much more on how you feel when you look in the mirror, how your clothes fit rather than focusing on a number on a scale, which doesn't actually mean an awful lot. (Much easier said than done I know!)

I wonder if you actually eat enough? And what sort of exercise do you do?
You would benefit from doing more strength-based exercise (if you currently focus on cardio) and actually eating more to fuel your muscles.

I could have written this post!

I'm 42 and weight is creeping on. Always 8-8.5 stone and 5'6", now I'm 60Kg which I think is about 9st 4? So I'm still slim although I do have to wear a size 12 now which feels v frumpy.

Clothes just hang better on thin bodies.
I grew up admiring Kate moss and the whole 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' mantra is always in the back of my head.

I'm actually healthier now than in my 20/30s, stopped smoking 3 years ago, rarely drink, go running a bit.

Personally I'm going to try strength training, to trim up and apparently it helps shrink everything back a bit!