Being skinny

[laurwalsh]

Hi, I'm just posting ti see if anyone is similar to me. I've always been very lucky and naturally thin. Weight was never a concern although for my 20s and 30s I'll be honest my lifestyle was pretty grim and a lot of drug taking. Which definitely factored to my ability to stay slim. So fast forward I'm now 39 with two kids and all grown up, and hitting middle age. However I am obsessed with my weight and being skinny again. It's just so damn hard now I'm older. I personally just hate having weight on me. I'm a low maintenance person overall and don't wear much makeup or ever really glam etc. but my weight is such a big thing for me and I'm wondering if this is normal. I'm 9 stone currently which is taking a lot of effort both diet and exercise. But I want to be 8 stone, I'll settle with 8.5. I don't think it's possible as finding keeping to 9 stone hard and restricted enough. But why is this so important for me. I just feel my best skinny / thin and that is literally what makes me happy and confident. It's just frustrating as I can't seem to embrace aging and my body changing. Is anyone else like this?

Also I'm going back on my ADHD meds which happen to suppress appetite so that'll be interesting to see if it makes much difference.

And also I'm wondering if I'm perimenonpausal as I'm having night sweats and mood swings also (poor kids bearing the brunt of my grumpiness!)

I think

I’m 5’7”, and 52kg, and happy at this weight.

I did put weight on through pregnancy, but it came off again pretty quickly afterwards, just through eating as I always have.

Good food and exercise will protect your health far more than getting to 8 stone.

Ask yourself why that number on a scales is important? Try giving up the scales for a year and just focus on a healthy lifestyle.

@lovelilies you are literally reading my mind. I know it's not considered healthy to be 8/8.5 stone but to me it is the most healthy and beautiful. I was 8.5 about a year ago and it felt amazing. I feel so much better in my clothes and it honestly is what makes me feel good. I also was obsessed with Kate moss. I feel silly and know I sound like a teenager and I'm not anymore. That's why I'm struggling with this obsession to stay skinny. But I am healthy and do exercise but it's 90% down to your diet really for me to reach my goals. But agree with posters that it's important to be healthy. Just trying to find that balance.

I’m the same height as you OP and used to like to keep my weight to the very bottom of the BMI scale. Then I started weight training and found that the scales gradually started creeping up. In clothes I look the same. I wear the same clothes. I’m just heavier and don’t get the annoying “You are a healthy weight but…” message on the NHS BMI page.

I’m 5’4 and weight 8.4 and have an eating disorder! The NHS BMI calculator says I’m 19 and healthy but I desperately want to get back into the 7s.

I’m bulemic and I’ve been 8.4 for a few years now! I’m in my 40s and my weight never changes due to the ED! I used to be in the 7s in my 30s but I can’t get back to it unfortunately so I have to change my mindset that at least I’m in a healthy weight range now according to the NHS

I’m similar I think. My BMI has been less than 20 for most of my life; it’s crept above 20 for the first time in my life now I’m in my mid-40s. In my 20s I lived on beer, curry and Twixes and stayed 55kg (I’m 5.10) so was very skinny!

I think coming of age in the mid-90s when extreme thinness was the beauty ideal (Kate Moss, CK One adverts etc.) has left its mark on me. I know logically that I’m a healthy weight and should be more invested in things like bone density and core strength at my age, but I miss the visible hip bones of my youth.

OP in the kindest way I think you need to seek help to gain a healthier outlook on your self image (I have BDD and have had eating disorders, I recognise my issues so I know it’s not easy!)

I’m the same height as you and I’m about 8st5 now and desperately trying to build back muscle that I lost from under eating and tone up (I was 43kg) as that will really make the most difference.

I wanted to get back down to 8st at one point but it’s not healthy! I was always bordering being underweight, lacked essential vitamins and it’s really unhealthy long term.

At 9st you are perfectly healthy although I fully understand that you don’t feel comfortably.
If you can you should try to focus on healthy eating and exercise and ignore the number on the scale!

@AmeliaEarhart Im the same height and also like my bmi low. I think it suits me way more. I also like it best when my hip bones have a slight edge, I’d never say it to anyone though! I don’t have skinny collarbones or visible upper ribs, but hip bones are quite easily achieved as I don’t carry weight across my stomach.

I'm 5'5" and WISH I weighed 9.5 stone! I always used to be 9 stone, then I went up a bit to 9.7, still fine. Then had a baby early 40s and after that immediately went into peri-menopause and oh my God, the flab. Now I am 10st 10lb and can't seem to get lower than 10st 4 - just keep losing and gaining those 6lb.

Obesity is frequently associated with heart disease and high blood pressure. However, your heart suffers more immediately when you are too thin. Fatigue, wooziness, brain fog, fertility issues, and a compromised immune system can all result from being underweight.

I wonder is a recomp any healthier though?
For example let's say she stayed at 9st but lost a few pounds of fat and replaced it with muscle...is that healthier than dropping fat and not gaining the muscle?

I don't think it is, because it's body fat that is important to health isn't it?
Someone could be well within the normal BMI category but have very low body fat, and that's more dangerous.

I've been underweight but still had plenty of body fat on my bum/thighs and legs, I was just skinny up top and my arms etc. I wasn't worried about my health at the time though because I did have the fat there, never had any issues, still had regular periods etc.

But someone who is underweight and has low body fat isn't any healthier by gaining muscle and technically at a healthier weight.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. That must be very hard. Not to further upset you but might it be the case that she was sexually attacked or had some other kind of negative sexual experience? I've heard this can be a trigger in some cases.

ariel333, Thanks for your thoughts. I think she'd just tell me if she had a bad sexual experience. She tells me way too much about her sex life (yeah, gross...) and moaned that being too skinny killed her libido which was obvs a bad thing (to her).

She's got control freak tendencies, pure and simple. There is a raw driving insecurity there, too, and I have zero idea why, but I think she enjoyed being a top dog for long time (eg primary school) & doesn't want to let go. I'm not a great parent, messed up in all sorts of ways, but I also know we definitely didn't give DD this massive competitive insecurity. The other DC aren't like that at all. It's almost like the more laid back we parents got the more anxious she became. It's chemical, in her brain, now.

It depends so much on your build and I think bmi's can be so misleading. I am 5'5" and 60kg/9.5 stone and have a lot of tummy fat and cannot get into size 10 trousers. I look best nearer 53kg/8.5 stone.

I think though it I had more muscle my weight could be higher. I would go my measurements ratger than weight.

Do you have any muscle mass?

I have absolutely no idea to be honest…

Nothing attractive about underweight women in their 50s. Very aging. That's why princess Kate looks so old for her age. Slim is attractive. Underweight is not. As we age we lose muscle mass. Working to get that back is the best anti aging thing you could do. Not starve yourself. You need fuel to build muscle.

What horrible comments on pretty much every level

@Ronhill what's wrong with stating facts. Starving oneself to be overly thin to 'look good' is an unhealthy approach for many reasons one of which being that it's not attractive anyway.

Promoting an eating disorder is not a body positive position to take.

How you can possible say Kate looks 'so old' is absolutely comical, she's stunning.

She's super fit too, you need your eyes testing

That particular photo shows recent over use of Botox and fillers. Her eyes have that unnatural upward slant and her face is filled to make up for the lack of natural facial fat. It's a terrible example photo of you are trying to prove a point.

Jesus get a hold of yourself, she's beautiful. Like to see a picture of you up just for comparison?