Living with binge eating teen is wrecking my mental health…

[EmmatheStageRat]

So sorry for the pity party, and I hope I don’t offend anyone struggling with food/eating issues here, but I am desperate to engage with others who either live with or are binge eaters.

In the interests of transparency, DD(15) has multiple complexities as she is adopted, has a significant physical disability and has ADHD and autism. DD has always been very interested in food and eating and has never had an ‘off’ button; all my party memories are of her being the last kid sitting at the food table while the others would be running around. Since puberty, there is not enough sugar in the world to fill her up. DD always has to eat her share then take ours. I have had to hide her six-year-old sister’s Christmas chocolates in the shoe cleaning bag in the hope that DD will not find them and eat them. She has no boundaries.

DD has previously broken into a lockbox where I’d tried to keep treats safe. I cannot keep a single penny in our house as she regularly ransacks my bag, purse, pockets, money boxes for cash to fund her habit.

My elderly and frail mother is totally housebound with no mobility and I’ve discovered that DD has been stealing huge quantities of £20 notes (money under the mattress generation, sadly).

It was DD’s birthday two days after Christmas and I spoiled her, despite our low income. The very next day, I discovered that she had actually stolen my mum’s bank card in order to go to our local sweet shop. I warned her that I would phone the police the next time I discovered a theft.

Unbelievably, today, I went to hand my lovely postie a fiver from my purse (I’d removed the last of the cash from my mum’s house and hadn’t been quick enough to hide it in the Dobble tin) only, you’ve guessed it, to find the £5 - plus other notes - missing. There is no reasoning with DD, she shows no shame or contrition and she respects no boundaries. I am broken. And I have no help as our local CAMHS is only funded for anorexia cases and not binge eating.

So sorry for this massive cry for help.

Absolutely do not want to read and run but I don't think the problem will get the traffic it needs or advice that will help here. Camhs perhaps might be able to help with other diagnoses

@Harrysmummy246 , thanks so much for responding; is this not an active board?

My ds has asd. Fridge and my bedroom door have locks on.

I'm so sorry, @EmmatheStageRat - I can quite understand that this is playing havoc with your own mental health. Do you have access in your area to any teenage addiction services? This is an addiction, with addictive behaviour, and a serious mental health issue. I think it possibly needs reframing as 'a teenage addiction' rather than 'just' binge eating to be able to access services.

I assume that adoption support services where you are have been cut to the bone (they have in my area), but it's still worth contacting them.

Yes, you are probably right. It’s just such a grim way to live, though. Is your DS overweight, just out of interest?

Has she been tested for diabetes?

have you heard of prader-willi syndrome?

I was wondering that, too.

@AutumnCrow , thanks so much for replying, it makes me feel less alone. The CAMHS triage assessor really worked very hard to convince the ED/Anxiety teams to take DD on their caseload/s but it was a no-go. The referral into CAMHS went from the senior mental health specialist at our large GP practice

With regards to adoption support, our regional team only works between 10am and 4pm; in desperation, I phoned a few days before Christmas to advise that our placement was on the verge of disruption and that I had consulted a specialist firm of solicitors to seek advice on a S20/having my DD accommodated. The duty SW, while lovely and very empathetic and worried for us, admitted he had no experience in adoption or eating disorders. The advice from his manager was to email me the separate chapters on Stealing and Food Issues from Sarah Naish’s A-Z of Therapeutic Patenting! I was told my case would be escalated; I’m still waiting for a call back.

Yes! Just! She is needle phobic but our lovely GP, who is at a genuine loss as to how to help us, did bloods two days ago. Diabetes or pre-diabetes is a big concern for me.

Is their ADHD medicated? It’s an appetite suppressant.

Eating with autism is a stim in many cases and a need for emotional regulation.

Can you get her to eat high fibre, low sugar foods instead.

It's not like regular binge eating, and stopping it altogether will cause havoc.

Ultimately you need to restrict access to high energy foods by any means necessary but still allow her to have access to some things as it's an actual need.

Others have also mentioned Prader Willi which was my first thought

In terms of practicalities you are going to have to change what you have in the house, sugar can be a terrible trigger for just wanting more and more food and thats without any other conditions that she may have which causes her to have poor impulse control

I wouldn't buy any treats except on the day I would eat them and put a pause on your bank card and only unpause it when you go to use it.

Yes, DD is on the maximum dosage of Concerta XL (72mg daily) but she resists taking it to such an extent that her school SENCO now administers it. DD could win herself a place in the Magic Circle as she does a really good impression of taking her two capsules, then, with sleight of hand, she occasionally manages to palm one of the pills into her blazer pocket.

Even when she takes the medication regularly, there is no suppression of her appetite and she still binges.

I do my best, honestly! DD is in massive self-denial about everything and is a very dishonest person. She will pretend to eat carrot sticks or apples and then I will find blackened/rotting pieces of fruit and vegetables in our under-stair cupboard. I give her a healthy diet. But the binge eating is on top of the three square meals a day, plus healthy snacks. DD(6) and I eat healthy diets and have healthy BMIs.

It’s hard to live like this, especially at Christmas. I wonder how DD1 will manage into her adulthood with such disordered eating?

It’s not just sugar, because everything sugary is locked in my car, but it’s also loaves of bread, packets of bagels, family-sized boxes of cereal, boxes of breadsticks, whole packs of crackers etc. DD2 and I need to have some food we can eat in our cupboards!

That's what sprung to my mind too although I know very little about it.

Do any of these other symptoms ring any bells ?

They are 'sugar'. Awful foods for craving which I dont eat personally otherwise I crave food

But thats not easy in a household where other people need to eat that food

Is she open to the children with disabilities team in social services?

Lots of queries about prader-willi.
What do you think OP?

Sorry, I’m not ignoring the queries about Prader-Willi and I have read the link you’ve provided. I’m convinced that DD does not fit the profile of PW at all, even though there’s crossover on possibly two symptoms. To be clear, there are no intellectual disabilities; DD passed the 11+ to a selective grammar school and is predicted 7-9 in all her GCSEs.

I feel sure that it’s the pre-natal trauma and birth trauma and a poor early start, plus poor weaning by her foster carers, as well as ASC/ADHD, that means that DD’s default setting is to attempt to self-soothe through foods and especially ‘treat’ foods. I do think there is an element of her enjoying the anti-social aspect of the stealing to fund her habit, if that makes sense?

I really appreciate everyone’s responses here; I guess I am looking for advice from anyone else with similar lived experiences, both as the binge eater or as the loved one of a binge eater.

Is there any foetal alcohol syndrome possibility?

Our local children with disabilities team won’t touch her because she is thriving in a mainstream grammar school and she has no learning disabilities. DD was on a CIN plan until just before Christmas because of a referral into MAST from school due to me admitting that I did not want her to come home. The plan ended because the locality team did not know how to move forward. The only help we were given was one hour per week for DD with an Outreach worker; this has now stopped because there is no CIN plan or CP plan.

Possibly/probably but she does have an NHS diagnosis of neonatal abstinence syndrome (sorry, I forgot to mention that one!)

The bank card incident was after this Christmas?

Going to be unpopular for this but it’s not too late for your DM to report this to the police - it’s theft/fraud and she’s above the age of criminal responsibility regardless of her diagnoses. I understand there are things she can’t help, but it’s not a free pass.
It sounds like it’s affecting you and your poor mum and if nothing else has worked maybe there needs to be a consequence.