I'm finally ready to do something

[Opus17]

Good morning everyone,

I've made this thread with a new username so it can remain completely independent of my other posts as I'm not sure how personal it will get 😄 I'd like to use the thread to hold myself accountable and just share ups and downs, because I really am fed up and unhappy of constantly battling this.

Back story is that I started putting on weight as a child, my eating was never regulated, I was allowed to go into the fridge whenever I wanted and I often got given processed foods for dinner. I started becoming aware of the fact that I was overweight when I was around 9 years old. I have yo-yo'd my entire life, I'm now 32. I have a really weird relationship to food and until I was 23, it was complete ignorance. I knew eating a lot and eating rubbish was bad but I was completely ignorant to calories. I didn't understand about calorie deficit etc. Nor did I weigh myself. So I don't actually know what I was, I just remember the sizes.

I learnt all about calories and deficit through the fasting diet. I did this for a few months and shifted 20lbs when I was at my heaviest. I then lived a very happy, calm 2 years where I naturally lost another 20lbs without really making a huge effort because I was very busy. I was still overweight but much happier and healthier.
Then a complete shit storm came. 2 family deaths, pregnancy loss, secondary infertility and a cancer scare for a close family member. I fell into a very dark place and of course, the weight crept back on. I started to reach a number I said I'd never reach again so this prompted me to start focusing on getting it off again. I danced Zumba at home and counted calories and I found RH fitness. They helped me get off some pounds and my clothes fit again! But we started IVF, I got pregnant straight away and I didn't count anything as by now, I knew how to eat well and I just walked. I maintained my weight throughout pregnancy. I put on 40 lbs but it was all baby and water weight (I had pre-eclampsia in the end). So a week after giving birth, I was exactly the same weight as before I got pregnant.
Breastfeeding had me starving so I ate whenever I was hungry but I still didn't put on any weight. The problem is, I've now fallen back into some old habits and breastfeeding much less but still eating loads! (DS is just over a year now) and I'm back up again at a high weight.

I'm completely fed up with this yo-yoing. I want to live longer, I want to be healthy and I want to feel comfortable in my body. I want clothes to fit and I want not to feel self-conscious when I go out. I want to do martial arts again but I feel so embarrassed about my weight, I don't go. So it's stopping me from living.

I'm going to do Team RH again. I'm going to gradually get back into it so for the next two weeks, I'm going to focus on hitting 10,000 steps and hitting my calories.

Then I will up my steps to 15,000 and focus on the macros. This is the best way for me. I can't stop everything cold turkey, and rh allows you to still have your two chocolate digestives a day, and I'm not very consistent with working out but I love walking.

So here goes! I'm not going to state my final goal weight as I personally find that demoralising. So I'm going to do it in increments. Nor am I giving myself a time limit.

32 years old
Starting weight: 210.6lbs
1st goal weight: 199lbs

I'm using this to document my days, reflect on how I'm doing (also bad days and why), to hold myself accountable and maybe wake myself up to why I fall back into old patterns and try to recognise anything that I maybe haven't before.

Feel free to ask any questions or if you're doing something similar to jump on the thread.
Good luck everyone and I really do feel like something has finally clicked with me so here goes!

OP, it sounds like you're doing well in seeing through the tactics of Team RH. I just think that the last thing you need when trying to lose weight is someone telling you that you are fat, lazy, disgusting or whatever. I am shocked that they get away with some of the stuff they say to be honest. I guess some people get some perverse enjoyment out of being verbally abused. But from what you've said, you're not lazy in the slightest - you have loads to juggle with family and study and of course you're not always going to have time to go for a walk.

If you find that the Team RH principles work for you, you can always keep doing that but distance yourself from the toxicity of the facebook group. But I agree with you that it makes no sense to force yourself to eat if you're not hungry, just to hit some target.

When I started reading different books about obesity, I realised how much the food industry tries to make people fat. They literally have teams of scientists who try to make food as addictive as possible. No wonder people become overweight. It's not down to moral failing or laziness at all. Also, people like Team RH thrive on this because they are making money from people trying to lose weight. They spend so much time slagging off places like Slimming World yet what they offer is just as rigid and dogmatic (there was some furore last year where they recommended that people logged calories from lip balm -seriously). OK, they say they allow you to eat what you like but at the same time, they say that you must hit your (unrealistic) steps and macros every single day and track every morsel of food that passes your lips. Not sure how that is so superior to Slimming World.

@SergeiL I hope you've had a relaxing weekend and your daughter is feeling much better! We definitely need to remember not to beat ourselves up when we slip a bit and just get back on it. It's a process. I completely agree, it's difficult to give up our comforts when life gets crazy (in reference to your giving up wine!). And I'm not sure it's also sustainable to give up everything we love forever, I mean there is no way I could sit here and say I'm giving up cake forever because I just know I couldn't do that. I'd love to be able to get to the stage where I don't binge 3 slices of cakes in one evening, but instead have a slice of cake every 2 weeks or so.

@Ontherebound34 Maybe some people see Team RH as giving them the tough love they need. I feel a lot of what they say does make sense (they are against low calories, they push you to eat a good amount because they say your body needs it, they want you to eat more protein, and they try to get you to eat good foods in the majority of your calories) but still I do find their delivery counter-productive and agree with you that it will just drive lots of people back to old habits when they make 12,000 steps every day instead of 15,000 and then think they're obviously not good enough so give up. When instead, 12,000 steps a day should be praised. I must admit, I don't read books about obesity. I have avoided it all for some reason. This book by Andrew Jenkinson is the first I'm reading. I'm a quarter of the way through now and I have joined the other thread on here about the book to see how people are doing.

I do want to continue updating here though as I find it a great outlet for me. I feel I'm a bit stuck between things right now and I don't think I've ever spent so much time in my life reflecting on food and my issues with it without feelings of guilt and disappointment. The last few days, I've been focusing on listening to my body and just eating when I'm hungry. I'm reducing carbs, but not cutting them out completely. I've been choosing chicken, tomatoes, cucumber, peppers for lunch, I've cut out my bread with that. I've cut down snacking which was also often toast and fruit, and now when I feel hungry but it's not mealtime, I just take the fruit. I've been having separate dinners to DH and DS most nights and focusing on a big plate of vegetables and meat. But I will still join in once or twice a week with our carb meals like fajitas or tuna pasta bakes. I already cook most things from scratch at home and my own sauces etc, and we don't eat white carbs in the house very often (only really the fajita wraps). All other carbs are wholegrain. And I'll keep walking but I'm going to add in 2 zumba workouts a week as I love that and miss it (I stopped while pregnant after 3 years of doing it and never got back into it.)
I've also decided when my dissertation is finished, I'm just going to go join the local taekwando club. I'm not going to let my weight stop me and if people there aren't nice about it then I'll find another club that's more welcoming!

Have a lovely Sunday everyone.

Hello @Opus17! I had a mad, crazy cleaning day yesterday. Racked up loads of steps getting the house spick and span, tackling a load of jobs on my to do list so feeling really good about that. I don’t tend to be so strict at the weekend. A bit like you, I am trying to be mindful and I am listening to my body more, but equally I want to share meals with the family without making a fuss and I am very careful to not give my girls a complex about food. They are both healthy weights at the moment. Enjoy your Sunday!

@SergeiL ah I love a good clean! It makes you feel great afterwards, both mentally and physically! And the steps are a bonus (although you're gonna have to give me tips on how to get them all tracked on the Fitbit cause I tidied for an hour yesterday and it only showed 800 steps!) Yeah I'm exactly the same, I like to sit around the table to eat with my husband and son too. I don't want to pass any food issues onto my son so I try to be relaxed about it as possible in front of him.

So this week, steps totalled 55,000 and my weight average is 209.8. so a loss of .1lbs is obviously not something to yell from the rooftops about but since midweek ,I finally saw the scales move down. I've been just listening to hunger and then picking good foods. I managed to ignore my want of a takeaway yesterday so that's a plus. I also got my dinner out yesterday and realised I usually just sit and down and eat cause I've found a convenient moment but I wasn't hungry so I put it back and ate it later.
I'm looking forward to the week ahead. It's cooler weather which I love, no vaccinations so I plan to get out loads. I'm going to continue with listening to my body, I'm cutting back carbs and I'm feeling positive!
Have a good start in the week all!

Last few days have been good and I'm seeing the scale drop everyday, which is crazy actually. 7500 steps on Monday, 12,000 yesterday and I'm not really focusing on calories as much. I'm kind of doing a mix right now. Listening to my body is what I've been focusing on, I can't honestly say how many times I've started to get my lunch / dinner ready cause it's "time" then stopped and asked myself if I'm actually hungry. The answer being no, so I've put it all back. I feel like something so simple has been a big problem for me for years. Just eating because it's lunchtime, but not actually being hungry. I've not completely cut carbs but I'm reducing them by quite a bit. I still have my afternoon biscuits but I don't have bread at lunch anymore, I've swapped weetabix some mornings for eggs or porridge (still carbs but not wheat at least!). And when I make spaghetti Bol this week, I'll do pasta for DH and DS but I'll skip it.

If anyone is still on the thread, then hope the week is going well. I'm enjoying having somewhere to just talk about this stuff even if it's to myself so I will just keep posting.

Hello!!! Glad to hear things are going well. It’s been a tough few days my end with illness so I am focussing on baby steps this week as opposed to a Big Bang! Definitely keep posting.

I'm still here! I've lost 13.25 lbs since 1st September. I daren't give up as I am paying £50 per month to Healthy Wage!

I'm mostly skipping breakfast, calorie counting and walking the dog. Im frustrated I let myself get this big but trying to break it all into baby steps.

Start weight 210lbs
Weight today. 196.8lbs

Not for time to read the thread yet but keep going everyone!

Sounds like you’re doing amazingly well, OP. Stuff like doing more steps is so great and it’s much better when you don’t have someone telling you you’re lazy if you don’t hit a target. Listening to hunger is important too. I think I stopped doing that too. I was eating when I wasn’t hungry just for the sake of it and I also had a fear of being hungry, which has gone now.

I'm feeling very depressed after attending a posh event seeing a photo of myself and realizing how ghastly I look !! Need to lose about 3 stone but anything would be a bonus. I'm trying to limit my drinking alcohol to weekends only and am nibbling on rice cakes at work to stop me snacking on crisps and chocolate but it's not much fun!! I don't have enough willpower that's my downfall.

Rice cakes are literally the worst for spiking your blood sugar! You will feel ravenous very soon after eating them and since they taste like cardboard, sooner or later you’ll turn to the chocolate. Try some nuts or a small price of cheese instead.

@Ontherebound34 yeah they were very cardboardy! I'll stick to nuts!

So how are we all doing?

We are still feeling rubbish with this head cold, nasty throat, cough. So diets are on hold until we are back to being fighting fit.

Hope the rest of you are having more success than me!

Weight loss has inevitably slowed but have still lost 3lbs this week despite downing a bottle of wine over the weekend and then bingeing on an entire large packet of Poppets. I'm now down to 195.8 from 210lbs so a whole stone off in 26 days. I want 2 more stone off by Christmas. I've lowered my MFP calories to 1200 per day.

Sending best wishes to everyone on here. We can do this.

Hi All and @Opus17 Just came on to say you’re smashing this. Well done. I would say the long reflections on why habits are formed and can be adjusted is time well invested in the early stages. So reading the thread enlightening.

Hi everyone,
Sorry I've been quite absent here, my son's sleep is killing me at the moment. It seems to finally be going back to normal but it's been a long two weeks...
This week, my average weight is 209.4lbs. Loss of a pound in 3 weeks is quite disappointing but I know it's because I'm still eating too much at weekends. My steps again were 55,000 this week so I'm being consistent there at least. Weekends are just difficult at the moment as I don't leave the house and I eat too much (dissertation writing - although this weekend I was mostly dying on the sofa from no sleep haha). I'm still focusing on reducing, Saturday I went a whole day without wheat and it was quite easy really - eggs and ham for breakfast, chicken, cherry tomatoes and cucumber for lunch, and I skipped the pasta with out bolognese. I used to eat weetabix 7 mornings a week and sometimes as supper, last week I only had it 3 mornings, and I've completely cut it out at night time. I need to make better food choices though as we ended up ordering a domino's last night... at least we shared a pizza instead of having one each but I still need to stop this.
I emailed the local martial arts school last week and they sent me a nice email back saying to come along to a tester session. I've put it off all week but I'm forcing myself to go tonight. I get nervous with these things cause of my weight and fitness but I guess if it's a nice club, that won't matter.

@MsRedhook wow that is a fantastic loss! Well done! Can I ask what calories you were on before lowering them? Or doing something completely different? It's great you're getting straight back on it after the wine and poppets, you've done really well so that's only a minor bump!

@Ontherebound34 thank you! Yes, I had a fear of being hungry at night time as waking with my son usually means I can't go back to sleep if hungry but I've gone to bed without my supper now and I'm doing fine at night time! Have you been following the no carbs / no sugar? I'm still working my way through the book whenever I get a chance to read so I'm still not fully clued up on all the rules yet

@lollipoprainbow I'm sorry you're feeling like that. Making little changes sounds good to me! It's what I'm trying to do. The weight isn't shifting yet but I think it's a long process to change our way of thinking and cutting back little bits at a time is the way to go. How was the weekend?

@SergeiL gosh, sorry to hear you're all still suffering with this head cold! I've heard there's a nasty virus thing going around right now that's flooring people, I really hope you all were able to rest and feel better over the weekend?

@Redyellowblue34 thank you so much! Yes, I'm really realising that my mentality must change with food. Counselling, and a bunch of other stuff have really made me think about the fact I have an issue and it needs addressed. So slowly is OK for now while I try to change my way of thinking. Although I still feel like I'm thinking about food a lot, it's different, slowly starting to feel more in control but as I ordered a takeaway last night, I know I have to keep going lol.

@Opus17

Hi everyone, Sorry I've been quite absent here, my son's sleep is killing me at the moment. It seems to finally be going back to normal but it's been a long two weeks... This week, my average weight is 209.4lbs. Loss of a pound in 3 weeks is quite disappointing but I know it's because I'm still eating too much at weekends. My steps again were 55,000 this week so I'm being consistent there at least. Weekends are just difficult at the moment as I don't leave the house and I eat too much (dissertation writing - although this weekend I was mostly dying on the sofa from no sleep haha). I'm still focusing on reducing, Saturday I went a whole day without wheat and it was quite easy really - eggs and ham for breakfast, chicken, cherry tomatoes and cucumber for lunch, and I skipped the pasta with out bolognese. I used to eat weetabix 7 mornings a week and sometimes as supper, last week I only had it 3 mornings, and I've completely cut it out at night time. I need to make better food choices though as we ended up ordering a domino's last night... at least we shared a pizza instead of having one each but I still need to stop this. I emailed the local martial arts school last week and they sent me a nice email back saying to come along to a tester session. I've put it off all week but I'm forcing myself to go tonight. I get nervous with these things cause of my weight and fitness but I guess if it's a nice club, that won't matter.

@MsRedhook wow that is a fantastic loss! Well done! Can I ask what calories you were on before lowering them? Or doing something completely different? It's great you're getting straight back on it after the wine and poppets, you've done really well so that's only a minor bump!

@Ontherebound34 thank you! Yes, I had a fear of being hungry at night time as waking with my son usually means I can't go back to sleep if hungry but I've gone to bed without my supper now and I'm doing fine at night time! Have you been following the no carbs / no sugar? I'm still working my way through the book whenever I get a chance to read so I'm still not fully clued up on all the rules yet

@lollipoprainbow I'm sorry you're feeling like that. Making little changes sounds good to me! It's what I'm trying to do. The weight isn't shifting yet but I think it's a long process to change our way of thinking and cutting back little bits at a time is the way to go. How was the weekend?

@SergeiL gosh, sorry to hear you're all still suffering with this head cold! I've heard there's a nasty virus thing going around right now that's flooring people, I really hope you all were able to rest and feel better over the weekend?

@Redyellowblue34 thank you so much! Yes, I'm really realising that my mentality must change with food. Counselling, and a bunch of other stuff have really made me think about the fact I have an issue and it needs addressed. So slowly is OK for now while I try to change my way of thinking. Although I still feel like I'm thinking about food a lot, it's different, slowly starting to feel more in control but as I ordered a takeaway last night, I know I have to keep going lol.

Hi OP,

Sound like you're doing your best in difficult times; sleep deprivation is torture and just makes you want to eat carbs!

I struggled yesterday for the first time on this diet with feeling weak and light-headed. I had to eat more calories to get through the day at work. The only difference compared with any other day was that I ate breakfast. I think this triggered the hunger for the rest of the day. I'll resume 8:16 eating today as I don't seem to feel as famished if i only eat from 11-7pm.

To answer your question, I didn't calorie count before September so not sure what my typical calorie intake was. I would often buy a sandwich and treat for dinner from the M and S that's attached to my work place so that would have pushed my calories up. I was also drinking a couple of bottles of wine a week. I do have a very physical job (NHS) and kidded myself that I could get away with the extra calories as I am on my feet all day. But you can't exercise off a bad diet!! Most of my food is/was healthy but just too much of it and too many treats.

As I said, if it wasn't for doing Healthy Wage, I would not be sticking to this as I lack will power (clearly!).

Here's to a good day all x

For some reason, I'm not receiving notifications on threads at the moment.

@MsRedhook thanks for replying! It's interesting to hear about what works for others. Sometimes we just need to go e ourselves a bit more food some days if we're feeling a bit wobbly! Hope you've been having a good week so far.

My week so far has been quite successful and yet I'm feeling quite down about it all. Monday I did around 14-15,000 steps, and I went to the taekwondo taster which was brilliant and we moved so much, my legs are still a bit sore today. Tuesday 12,000 steps, yesterday 7,000. Food had been on point, or so I thought. I'm making an effort to not ear seconds, to have wheat free days, eat when hungry. I finally saw 208 on the scales at the weekend then today, back up to 210. I feel like I'm actually trying but nothing is moving now. I've had no chocolate, no cake, no crisps, and I don't have processed foods at home. My own "vice" has been 3 biscuits every afternoon with my coffee.
Reading the book why we eat too much and seeing the thread on aibu have made me feel quite down about it all... I'm not usually a pessimistic person but these two sources got in my head this week and it's left me feeling like I'm just going to be overweight forever unless I eat very little thanks to genetics and environment. I'd say I'm mentally struggling with it all right now, it's not helped with the fact my scale just isn't moving at all. I'm not gonna just sit and binge now but I do need a review of everything I'm eating and to see where I'm going wrong as this week, I can't really pinpoint it.

I hope you all are having a better week!

@Handsoffstrikesagain thanks for your reply. I've done 5:2 before and lost some weight but it wasn't sustainable for me. I was really ratty, tired and dreaded those fasting days. I was considering it again as I did lose my first twenty pounds that way a long time ago but I'm not wanting to restrict calories too much right now as I'm still breastfeeding and don't want it affecting my supply.
I think this is one of the reasons I'm feeling so down about it all... You hear so many contradictory information with everyone thinking their way is correct that I'm feeling completely at a loss with everything thrown at me recently.

I've been having less than 1900 cals at the moment as I've been listening more to hunger and I know ive been hitting more around the 1600-1700 mark. I know this might still be considered too much but because of the breastfeeding, I'm reluctant going down further. I'm guessing it's the weekends that are messing me up as I barely walk and for that, my calorie intake in then too much.

I did 1200 calories before I got pregnant, lost then after a few months, I stalled and spent most of the time feeling lethargic and dizzy. I need to really find some time to see how I'm gonna get myself back on track because I'm just quite confused right now!

OP, the breastfeeding could be why you’re not losing. Could you focus on just eating healthy, walking more and maintaining rather than losing at the moment? Then when you finish breastfeeding in the future, you can focus more on the diet.

@Ontherebound34 that could very well be it. As when I feel.hunfry, I can get nauseous and dizzy with it which I've only had while breastfeeding. So I think that's actually affecting quite a bit.
I was 200lbs before pregnancy, a few days later, all my water weight disappeared and the 40lbs I put on in pregnancy (ended up with pre-eclampsia) came off so I was 200lbs again. I maintained this until January of this year then I suddenly put on 10 lbs. March I started to lose it again, and got down to 202 then out if nowhere it just went back up to 210. For now I'd be really happy to shift this 10lbs again then maintain at 200 until breastfeeding is done! Then at least my clothes won't be too tight 😆

How are you doing @Opus17?

We are finally out the other side of this cold so hoping to get properly going again tomorrow.

Hi @SergeiL thanks for checking in! In general I'm doing well thanks and I've finally entered the 208lb weight range this weekend. I'm guessing my weight was up Tuesday - Thursday due to my aching muscles from Taekwondo. My steps are on 55,000 again this week...seems to be my average at the moment. and my weight average is exactly the same as last week. But seeing those 208's yesterday and today is a positive.
Had a bad food day today though, basically just a bunch of rubbish all day, no idea where it came from (DS has his first cold - started Friday night and I think it was the worst night sleep I've ever had with him but a humidifier helped us sleep better last night and I caught a nap this afternoon so maybe I'm just exhausted - we had just come out of 2 weeks of bad sleep and had a few nights of good sleep again before this cold hit him) but treating it as a small setback and hoping I can see more of those 208s this week!
I'm sorry to hear your family has still been suffering with a nasty cold this week, it really does just throw everything out the window. That's great you're all back on the mend, and I hope you have a great week this week!

Fingers crossed!