Mutual support thread for those currently losing or working towards losing a lot of weight

[UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme]

This is a mutual support thread for anyone who wants (and needs) to lose a lot of weight, is mid way through losing a lot of weight, or is nearing the end of a big weight loss and wants to continue to support and be supported as maintenance approaches.

The previous thread has been massively helpful to regular posters, as we share both our losses and our plateau or gains, congratulate or console, and talk about what works for us while understanding that different things work for different people, and we are all different ages, all have different families/ households/ people to plan around, different commitments, different working lives and different health conditions which partly determine our approaches.

We are all on this journey together - this thread is for us to encourage one another, post updates, chat about what we're doing, how we're doing, share stories and thoughts and sometimes wander slightly off topic if we want, but everyone posting should be somewhere along the journey towards escaping high BMI obesity.

The previous thread was started by someone who no longer posts and initially asked how to lose 9 stone - it developed into a support thread for people with varying amounts left to lose but all of whom started out with at least 5 or 6 stone + / 30 or 35 kg + to lose, very roughly...

No links to selling sites or unsolicited "helpful" lectures please - mutual support from existing and new posters all actually living this big weight loss now, or just starting out, welcome!

Previous thread here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/3894410-i-need-to-lose-9st-help

I really want to do a multiday hike - the Salzalpensteig isn't too far from me www.macsadventure.com/holiday-2547/bavarian-alps-hiking-the-salt-trail/ but it would be incredibly self indulgent to go off walkingfor 7 or 8 days Mind you DH has been off on plenty of motorbike tours over the years...

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme.
You seem like a devoted wife and mother and a very conscientious employee. Why would a few days walking be self-indulgent?
Mind when I want to do something. I suggest to my Dh that we do it together or as a family, then it’s his idea for me to go alone or with one of the Kids!

Zebracat I did suggest doing it with the family and DH already knew about a different 210km hike (obviously you don't have to do the whole way) suitable for older children (essentially along a river, bus and scenic tourist train can be used to shorten legs if kids are tired) ... then pointed out that we probably can't do it this year - overnight tourist stays aren't allowed yet and nobody knows when they will be, and when things open accommodation in that sort of location will book up fast...

DD and ds2 would be up for it in theory, DD would manage, ds2 would not atm, DS1 would not want to go but actually probably could do the walking...

Hmm - I suspect it's something for 2022!

I am resolving to start doing planks and sit ups again.

My waist is my issue as all my weight gathers there and I understand this is dangerous for my health.

I measured my waist this morning and it's 109.5cm which I am not happy with at all.

My weight is heading in the right direction so I need my waist to decrease too! In the last thread I did have success with planks and sit ups and with working from home and the children at school I have no excuse not to do them.

@Rebuildingconfidence
Another apple here.
I was with you on the planks in the last thread. They were making a difference, but I stopped too. Maybe we could do it alongside each other, so to speak.
Although I’m not entirely convinced that I am at higher risk, it’s like blaming dachshunds for not being good at the high jump...
I am swimming regularly now, and I do focus my energy on the muscle group which I think is called cross laterals, getting to the core of the apple.

I'm an apple too Rebuildingconfidence and I've reduced my waist from an astonishing (as in I was astonished, not in a happy way) 114cm to 79cm over the past ten months - I've never done a plank in my life, but as I may have mentioned i like to walk and have been walking more and more - it helps that its hilly where I live, and walking uneven, unpaved teails is surprisingly good for core muscles.

I can actually feel my core muscles now - my sides are actually rock hard, as are my thighs. However I still have a tummy, not helped by having had 3 cesarean deliveries of fairly goid sized babies in my 30s. I'm hoping that losing the last few kg to hit a healthy BMI, and a summer of as many good hikes as possible, might help a bit with the tummy, but in all honesty it doesn't really bother me as long as I can improve my fitness and health.

Apparently for women if you divide your waist measurements by your hip measurements and get a number under 0.8 you're low risk for a heart attack (harder for apples than other body shapes) but I have finally just scraped into that category recently 🎉

I'm very impressed by anyone with the self discipline to stick to doing work out videos, couch to 5k, plank and sit up workouts etc. long term! I know I jyst wouldn't, but walking works for me because of the headspace and the being outdoors and actually going somewhere - I could be quite evangelical about it but I know it only works for people without very small children and an office hours job - shift work and preteen/ teen children allow me the space to walk for several hours a few times per week and at least an hour the other days, and even if I now usually end up with company they can all keep up!

Yes @Zebracat let's start the planks etc again. Well done on the swimming!

Well done also @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme my tummy definitely got smaller when I walked and cycled regularly and in the next couple of weeks I aim to start that up again. I've had two c-sections also so not expecting miracles, but definitely want it to protrude a lot less!

Walking is brilliant. I love it.

www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSo9gERcgEdY&psig=AOvVaw2V9FmQngyrlaoDwDroErzw&ust=1620139175670000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=2ahUKEwj6ptjx3q3wAhUv1eAKHSMbAVUQjRx6BAgAEAc
Don’t know if I’ve done the link right but this is what I was doing before.
My waist is currently 101 cms, or 41 inches, so not great.

Above is for @Rebuildingconfidence.
@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme, I just tried that ratio of hip to waist and got 1.12. Doomed!

@FatCatThinCat sorry you've had a difficult week. It sounds really tough. I hope you're not feeling too bad about your weight just now, and am glad you posted and told us.

Well done @alphaechokiwi! That is good going! And @rebuildingconfidence that's fantastic!

@Zebracat, pleased you've had a loss this week at least. And that sounds like a sensible target for the month.

Good weight loss @MamaNewtNewt. I hope your calf is feeling better now? What yoga are you doing? Is it a class or something on YouTube? I like yoga.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme what amazing hikes! And you should definitely aim to do a multi day one at some point. I was just in the process of arranging to do Hadrian's Wall with a friend when the pandemic hit. It'd be so fun to do something like that!

@zebracat I like your suggestion of making OH think it's their idea! Very sneaky!

And oh god, waist size! I know my waist is too big, I know it's not good for my health! But I'm not going to measure it for a while yet! It is definitely my goal to get to a healthy waist size - I probably care about that more than I do BMI. But it's just easier for now to keep track of my weight. And less depressing!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme that is an amazing reduction in waist size! Well done!

Hi everyone, is it too late for me to join you? It's so hard to find a group where I don't feel like the biggest person who has ever lived and I've chickened out so many times now so I'm writing this without having read through the whole thread. Sorry!

We've been trying for a baby and recently found out we have male factor issues, but my weight is a barrier to treatment. My BMI seems to have "magically" gone up to 40+ 😳 since July 2019 (when it was bang on 35, still not great but much better). I obviously lost my way with my food habits (I guess?) as I contended with terminal illness of a close relative followed by bereavement, lock down/pandemic, coming off of birth control and the frustrations of trying for a baby. I can't pinpoint when it went wrong, but at some point stopped weighing myself (to avoid the numbers going up) and gave up wearing jeans. I previously went from 17 stone to 14st 7lbs so I know I CAN lose the weight.
I also have PCOS, which reacts so WELL to weight gain 🙄🙄
In January 2021 I was 18 stone 8 🤯 the heaviest I have ever been. So I'm trying not to be furious at myself because what will that do now. So here I am.
Starting weight was 18 stone 8 in January.
This weigh day (Sunday) I was 17st 5lbs.
My first goal is to get back down to 14st 9lbs/ BMI 35 and after that will have to get down to BMI 30 (12st 7).

My weight loss is going so slowly 😟 for someone of my weight I really should be losing it quicker in my opinion! I've no idea what more I can do. At 1lb a week I'll not be having IVF for over a year!! I think I'm finding it hard as previously I did slimming world and lost quickly (7-5lbs a week for the first few weeks) and kept it off for three years. And now I can't seem to get it go. I know 1lb a week is great and it is still "going", but I feel my effort is not reaping appropriate rewards.
I'm going to have a good read through now!

WeightlossKin of course its never too late to join - welcome! Lots of us are or have been at least as heavy as you are now, so you're in the right place!

Well done on the 1 stone 4 lb - that's great! I know it's frustrating to be told that 1lb per week is really a healthy, sustainable rate to lose weight at for the ling haul, but you know it's true!

If slimming world worked for you last time are you doing that again now? Or did you find it more of a quick fix rather than a sustainable lifestyle change?

We have people using various approaches, different things certainly work for different people according to lifestyle and personality more than anything I think.

I know I should be happier with the 1lb a week, I'm just finding it very long! I think because I was so close to being eligible for IVF before (although not psychic so had no idea we'd need it), I'm struggling to cope with how long it's taking to get there now. I keep reminding myself that for ages my weight was clearly going up and up and at least now it's going in the right direction.

I couldn't seem to keep slimming world going and just couldn't lose any further. I also got bored to death of pasta and potatoes! In the end I started calorie counting and that worked well so that's what I've gone back to.
I try to eat below 1500 calories a day. I've also upped my exercise over the last 3 weeks but that's has made no difference to my weight loss whatsoever 😂 but it makes me feel better mentally. Would be a BIT nice if it helped the weight though!

I agree different things seem to work for different people! I'm struggling to find support in real life as I seem to be surrounded by people who lose or maintain their weight by just not eating breakfast and lunch! Each to their own but I can't do that to myself (or anyone around me as I'd be a horrible hangry person!!).

Welcome @WeightlossKin - I hope you find the support you are looking for here. Posters on this thread have many different approaches, but we all are seeking support because losing a lot of weight is a slow process. There are many bumps in the road and it's hard to keep on track. We try to keep each other going! I had a few bumpy weeks recently and the accountability and support of this thread was one of the things that kept me going.

Well done on your loss to date, losing more than a stone is an achievement in anyone's book. The thing about losing a large amount of weight is that it's made up of lots and lots of much smaller losses. They all add up over time, so keep going!

My BMI was 42 in September 2020 and I've recently just dipped under 32. It's taken 8 months to get this far, and I have a long road to travel yet. It's frustrating on a day to day / week to week basis that it's not a faster process. But I set a series of smaller mini milestones and I focus on those. It helps so much to have smaller goals, because a big number can feel very daunting.

Wishing you lots of success whatever your approach xx

Welcome to @WeightlossKin
You are doing really really well through some very tough times. I agree that you need some mini goals. Maybe under 40 BMI, and under 17stone ? We like to switch between kilos, pounds and stones, so that we can enjoy all the milestones. @UntilYourNextHairBrainedSchemehas a handy converter. It is really important because that scale goes down, then shoots back up , then dicks around in circles for weeks, and it does seem to be like that for everyone.
I weigh every day, because it’s clear that I just forget everything and start gaining if I don’t, but others weigh once a week or not at all. I post my weight on Sunday’s unless something extraordinary happens in the week, which did happen once.
A lot of people think that having a goal, like fertility treatment makes it easier to lose weight, but I think I would find that a lot of pressure. The one thing that really helps me is reminding myself that I am depriving myself of nothing, I am giving myself the opportunity to have a healthy body and a a healthy relationship with food. I love food, and I enjoy it far more now that I eat mindfully.
Well. I just tried those 5 abs exercises again for the first time in months, and I feel so sick, I’m having to have a little lie down. Could be a while before I have those off pat.

www.thecalculatorsite.com/conversions/charts/kg-to-stones-pounds-table.php

thanks for the reminder zebracat - handy converter link above! I hadn't looked at it for a while and noticed that I'm really close to getting into the stone below bracket (if that makes sense) always nice as I weigh in kg - my scales is only metric - but grew up with stone and lb

Maybe I'll be 11stone something next week! (Even if it's almost certainly 11stone 13.5 ) having started at 18 stone something!

I also like having EU and UK clothes sizes as I can see the change inboth systems, although I get endlessly confused especially as I now shop on French sites but live in Germany, and French sizes are different to German despite both being EU (though when a size is labelled as EU it seems to be German not French... I think!)

And of course seeing the BMI number and / or waist measurements change can also be motivating, but so is being able to walk up a hill comfortably while holding a conversation when x months ago you had to stop for a break half way!

What BMI do you need for IVF weightlossKin?

Thank you for a lovely welcome!
@alphaechokiwi that's an amazing weight loss!
@Zebracat I'm really interested in the fact you weigh everyday, I'd like to do that but not sure I wouldn't "punish" myself by not eating as planned throughout the day if I'd had a gain that morning or get excited about a big loss at the weekend if I could see it coming, just for it to revert back to 1lb loss on the weigh day. Does it effect you if it goes up and down? Fertility treatment is a weight all of its own hanging over my head as it obviously impacts my husband too as now we're just both waiting for me and it makes it very hard to accept a slow downward trend. Can I ask what the 5 abs exercise is? It sounds hard 😂

Thanks so much for sharing the converter for me @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme! I'll take a look and see what little goals I can set with what you've all suggested 🥰 that's weird about the EU sizes, I'm not sure I've ever realised that (not that I focus too much on the size labels 😳).
My GP said BMI of no more than 35 for the fertility referral but would need to be "on my way to a BMI of 30" before any treatment. It's just so far away and will be less than I have ever weighed. I remember being big as soon as I hit puberty and was 16 stone when I was a young teenager so getting into the 14 stone previously was a shock, getting to 12 stone feels actually unachievable 😬 so your starting weight and weight now gives me lots of hope!! I can't even imagine it.

I've taken my measurements so can see as they also slowly reduce! Have had a terrible eating day today though 😳 didn't make time for breakfast, had a small piece of salmon and some salad for lunch and nothing else so someone gave me a skinny whip bar and I had a chocolate biscuit as I was ravenous!

Well, I find that the everyday weighing reminds me that I have goals. It doesn’t depress me because weighing every day shows how much weight varies,eg if I’ve had salty food, or got constipated, or dehydrated.I know that menstruation plays havoc with weight. But I’m looking for a downward trend, and I do see it. Also, I log my weight on Sunday but I am more relaxed on Friday night and Saturday, it helps me to relax with moderation! If I’m doing quite well, I will say no to fish and chips, because I dont want to spoil it, and if I’m not doing well, I might say no because I want to salvage something from the week.
But I m not going to punish myself for anything. I try to avoid refined sugar, but I haven’t banned it. In your situation today , I would have eaten the sweet stuff too. What I wouldn’t do is think I had failed or eaten bad food. You didn’t, you fuelled your body with what was available.There may be some learning there for you. It seems like you may be trying to eat very little, and I do think that feeling of deprivation is bad for us. You deserve better.

You've got such a sensible view of it, I find that really inspiring! You sound very grounded. I don't feel grounded 😟

I'm feeling a bit flip-floppy about everything to be honest. I can't seem to find a balance in my thinking between "eating very little clearly works" and wanting to actually nourish my body and be healthy.

I have been aiming for less than 1500 which to me does feel a bit too low, but I gradually reduced to that as above that I wasn't losing anything.

I'm more cross that I feel I set myself up for a rubbish day today by not having breakfast if I'm honest. I'm that person always banging on about breakfast. I've been trying to take a "three solid meals a day and no snacking" approach as I feel far less deprived if I have a filling breakfast.
I don't feel I have my head screwed on the right way about weight loss. I feel panicked about it if that makes sense?

Can I sidle back in? I was on early on in the thread but I’ve had a disastrous few weeks and my head has been completely in the wrong place. I’ve been lurking though and I was inspired to post by @WeightlossKin comment about feeling flip-floppy and panicked as that is exactly how I’m feeling. Tomorrow my pledge is that I’m going to eat 3 meals and no snacks. Nothing more complex than that but I’m hoping that if I just take it one day at a time I can manage by fear and perfectionism which just leaves me overeating and depressed

@Rebuildingconfidence – well done on the loss – it’s great when you go through those barriers. The plans and sit-ups sound like a great idea and I might have to join you on that – really need to build some core muscles now. My waist is 133cm (eek!) so definitely need to focus on reducing that.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme – your walks sound great and I loved the pics! I used to walk EVERYWHERE when I was younger but you put your finger on it that I just don’t have the time to dedicate to long walks, except on the weekend. That said where in the past I would have jumped in a taxi or got DH to drive me somewhere I am starting to walk so maybe I can build up to some proper hikes. It’s great that you are getting the DCs involved too. Your waist reduction is amazing and gives me hope!

@ScottishBeth – unfortunately the calf is still sore so had to miss my run yesterday which I was gutted about. It is getting better though so am gonna give it another day or two then give it a go. The yoga class is a virtual one that is free via work (they are doing loads on health and well-being at the moment which I am taking full advantage of). I used to do yoga once a week at my office so looking forward to it. I am thinking of looking for something on YouTube though as I’d like to do yoga more regularly.

@WeightLossKin – welcome to the thread – I know what you mean I found it hard when I was on a thread with people who just needed to lost a few lbs – I mean fair play to them but we have different issues and this thread is great as I just feel that I have people to reach out to who get it. I have PCOS too and find it frustrating that I have to do more to lose the same as, say my DSis, but for me I am trying not to focus on the weight as much (although it is a good measure of progress) it is more about getting healthy and staying that way. You have a great motivation and can totally do this.

@stuckanddesperate – welcome back! That sounds like a great approach, one step at a time. I did that, first it was having a healthy breakfast, then healthy lunches, then cut out sugar, then started exercising. If I had tried to do that all at once I would have fallen flat on my face.

I’m doing ok this week – frustrated with pulling my calf muscle but have only missed one run and am hopeful to be back at it in a few days. Been doing a lot better food-wise, no takeaways so far this week! We are getting one tomorrow but it is a pretty healthy vegetarian curry and is giving me something to look forward to.

Thanks for the encouragement. The problem for me is that when the sleep apnea eating kicks in I have absolutely no control over it at all. That's why it scares me so much. It's not even the weight gain that bothers me, it's the loss of mobility that comes with it. I'm only just getting it back and I don't want to lose it.

Thankfully I'm over the cold now, still have a cough but the CPAP machine seems to be working effectively again. So I'm back to eating properly. This is the first time I've had a cold like this since diagnosis so I'm still learning. If this is what happens with a cold then I can live with that. It's the not knowing and just feeling out of control again which is scary.

So anyway, I'm back to proper eating again and this week social services (adult services) are sending someone round 3 times a week to drag me out of the house kicking and screaming. They'll walk with me just around the block, but hopefully it will help get me moving and set it up as a habit.

Well I did the yoga and I'm bloody exhausted! It was 45m and I feel well stretched and nice and relaxed. Honestly though it was a bit of workout for me, I think I was more sweaty than when I do my run. Will definitely keep it up and the sessions are recorded so will go back and do a couple of others during the week I think.

Welcome @WeightlossKin - glad you have joined us! People on this thread are really lovely, glad some people have jumped in already. It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure to lose weight for the IVF - must be so difficult! Can you ease the pressure somehow? Maybe it would be good to think about why you missed breakfast yesterday and for the next week just focus on a healthy and filling (and hopefully delicious) breakfast. And take the pressure of the other food you eat.

Also, and I hope this isn't me interfering, as I don't know anything about IVF, bit is it going to be a problem if it's a year before you get to actually start? I know it's difficult when you want to start a family - my wife and I are going through the adoption process and it's taking ages! Please ignore what I've just said if I'm talking out of my arse though.

@FatCatThinCat I'm glad you are feeling better. It really sounds like you've got loads of stuff to juggle with everything going on. I hope the thrice weekly walks are helpful. When do/did they start?

Also isn't thrice a fun word? I was in two minds whether or not to use it, but then I thought, why not!

@Stuckanddesperate - welcome back! Taking it one day at a time is the only thing we can do when it's not going so well. Please keep posting!

@MamaNewtNewt sorry about your calf. But at least it's getting better now. And better to skip a couple of runs than push it and get a proper injury. The yoga sounds good though, nice to get something free from work! And sounds like you're doing well otherwise!

I haven't had the best week food wise for a couple of reasons, so I wasn't surprised when I weighed myself this !opening and had gone back up 0.8kg to 87.5. I've worked out my plan for the coming week, where I'm going to have a treat meal, and also looked at how I stopped myself snacking in the beginning. Also my period is due in 5 days, but judging by how my belly is feeling it'll be on its way sooner, so that might help next week too!

I think it's really important to have a plan for how to incorporate treats into you diet. Otherwise you'll never stick to it. I always have a treat on weigh in day if I'm happy with my loss. Usually an icecream of slice of cake.