Really need to get this sorted but DS needs to put on weight!

[drspouse]

For better or worse I end up doing a lot of the cooking but DS has ADHD and his meds reduce his appetite and he gets fussy so we've tended to eat main meals that are more calorific and/or kid friendly (he'd have sausages and wedges every day if he could).
DH is fine at good plain cooking (pasta, wedges plus something from the freezer).
And I get SO HUNGRY if I try to do without snacks. I try to make most of our own/get dried fruit and nuts/fresh fruit but I know some of that isn't always healthy.
But I would really like to fit into some of my trousers!
I tend to log most days on MFP and then despair after I've worked out the total.
What to do! DCs have school dinners but DS eats very little so we feed him up with toast/leftovers at supper time when his meds wear off. But he needs a substantial tea as well.

@GrumpyHoonMain

Diabetes UK doesn’t recommend 50% refined carbs. You’ve misread it. They clearly say those carbs should mostly come from veg with the rest from wholegrains. They recommend the meditterean diet actually but have advise for other low carb options too. Chocolate digestives and a your version of a ‘normal’ high carb diet will only make the diabetes worse long term.

As for your son - his meals will need to be seperate from yours and your DH

I didn't say refined carbs. I know they don't recommend that and I know what they say. We mainly eat whole grains etc.

I am not cooking two meals for everyone - and I am DEFINITELY not doing any kind of "oh Mummy doesn't eat today" nonsense with my DD in particular watching me as an example of how to be a functioning woman when she is older.
Adults eat. They eat meals. They eat meals every day WITH their children for their children to know how to eat healthily and choose a variety of foods. That is my bottom line for our family.

I need to lose about two stone to be in a healthy BMI.

@MrsPernicious I don't think they'd refer me as I'm not that overweight.
DH consultant/dietician on the course he's been on says what Diabetes UK says - eat 50% of your calories from carbs and eat low fat (the latter being no use for DS). DS consultant says add fat to his diet (which he won't really eat) but we could ask for him at least. We've tried everything they've suggested and yes, I'd try something a HCP (not a fad "nutrionist") suggested for me except that I do follow general advice apart from, you know, getting really hungry.
A lot of DS problem is behaviour but some is sensory and most is his meds TBH.

I'm sorry but to my mind all this "mummy cooks two meals" "mummy doesn't eat" "mummy doesn't eat carbs" are all setting my DD up to have an eating disorder AND think she has to do all the wifework. We all eat together, we all eat full stop (and "mummy doesn't eat on Tuesdays" also means DS doesn't have to eat if he doesn't fancy a proper meal and can have toast later because why shouldn't he follow a bad example?). I'm happy to tweak my portions but not if it means I'm so hungry I'm snacking and not if it means the DC notice I'm eating "slimmers" food.

DH does have a pump. He says everyone is like him and it's not really controllable and the consultant isn't worried.

Just cut the crap not the carb @drspouse

The food on the right is NOT low carb (fruit, carrot, root veggies, ) but if you have those for dinner, you won't be hit by a sugar crash. Eat real food, not ultra processed food made in a factory

Buy the science of skinny book and clean your eating habits

@drspouse

You don't seem to be reading what anyone is writing!

But I would really like to fit into some of my trousers!

So this is what you initially posted about. Posters have recommended focusing on reducing certain type of carbs, replacing with additional protein or suitable fats, which doesn't preclude you eating dinner with your family. It also is nothing like 'mummy doesn't eat on Tuesdays' & the other nonsense you had in your last post.

Re the diabetes, I'm not an expert, and you're right, you need to follow DH's HCP advice. But it can't be their advice to have a 'snack cupboard' as you describe (I'd be running to the snack cupboard all evening ('and I forgot to say, DH has diabetes so we always have sweet snacks in'))

Your DH talks about it being 'uncontrollable'. His choice of snack doesn't seem appropriate in the least, I'm sure there are better ways of stabilising blood sugars.

Back to you ... you can loose weight, if you need to, by choosing healthy snacks, instead of feeling it has to be 'no snacks' and altering the balance of your meals. Your DH & DS can still be catered for.

Tbh you really don’t sound ready to do this.

I am a childminder so feed many different tastes of things some children will and, won’t eat. I sometimes have the meat and add my own massive pile of low carb veg. Sometimes I just have a tiny portion with them and eat later, sometimes I don’t eat at all.
It is fine to say to Dd , too many snacks just getting healthier for a bit.

At first I was going to suggest Keto , I say this as someone who could eat a multi pack of crisps in an evening the carb cravings stop.

Do your research but just tracking calories won’t change anything.

In all honesty your post dismisses any idea so I simply think you don’t want it enough. For anyone overweight they have to find their own motivation to succeed.

Honestly, @EarringsandLipstick unless you somehow are reading different posts to me nobody has suggested a "different type of carbs to eat". They have suggested cutting OUT carbs (including, dangerously, for my DH) and have not suggested alternatives.
DH gets hypos. If your blood sugar is NOT consistently high, you get these on occasion. He keeps his snacks (used for recovery) in the same place. It's a cupboard. No, you aren't an expert, he is, he's had 30-odd years of managing it, keeping up with the latest advice.

@Starlightstarbright1 you aren't your mindees mother though, are you? The one they learn how to be a grown up woman from. The one they learn healthy eating (not cutting out a whole food group) and who does the housework from. I'm fine saying "we've all had enough snacks, we'll have ice cream for pudding at the weekend, it's fruit today". I'm NOT fine saying "oh Mummy isn't eating lunch today" or "no mummy doesn't eat potatoes or rice or pasta".

The main problems are as I've said:
I can't cook low fat or carb free versions of family meals because DH needs carbs and DS needs higher calorie meals.
I get really hungry and eat too many snacks as a result.
So the solutions are to eat a totally separate meal ("adult women can't eat normal food") and don't have snacks in at all because it's bad for everyone ("hello, 999, my DH has gone into a hypoglycaemic coma")
I've been struggling with this for the last year when we were told DS needed to put on weight as previously (despite what people are saying) I've been successful losing weight by calorie counting because I've been able to adjust all our main meals. DS had more of an appetite so if it was a lower fat meal he'd eat more. Of course my hip injury meaning I can't run/do workouts doesn't help either.
I was hoping someone else would have been through this but as I say, I forgot this is MN, home of "fruit is very high sugar", "carbs will kill you" and "just throw away all snacks". Though TBF there are the "my teenager eats a whole chicken and a box of weetabix and is skinny as a rake" crowd.

In summary:
I don't want a fad diet to be "on" or (mainly, given how unsuccessful they are for most people) "off".
I need practical ideas for day to day meals and tips for my situation. Something that's sustainable day in, day out for years, with children that I need to be a role model for.

You definitely don't have to go low carb or eliminate snacks, but you do need to eat smarter and start exercising. A hip injury does not preclude you from all physical activity, so get moving perhaps try swimming or Pilates. As for your diet vs your family's you can make substitutions to the meal like extra veggies and a smaller portion of potatoes or rice etc.

None of this is new information or in anyway revolutionary however it does require discipline from yourself. You need to retrain you body to operate on fewer calories and feeding it the right type of calories will mean you don't feel dizzy or sick.

Weight loss is a mental game and tbh you don't sound ready to make a change as you have shot down all the advice you have received or made excuses as to why you couldn't do it. You may not have time to make separate meals but sure do have time to put less in your mouth 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not lying when I say I get much much too hungry not to snack

Then choose low calories snacks such as fruit veg hummus - that type of thing

I need practical ideas for day to day meals and tips for my situation. Something that's sustainable day in, day out for years, with children that I need to be a role model for.

I gave it to you. So did others. Cook the same meals. Reduce your carb intake (not cut it out), increase your protein & healthy fat intake, as part of the same meal. It's really not rocket science.

Re your DH, he does not need a huge amount of snacks to manage his blood sugars. He needs some. He doesn't either need to have bread, jam and yogurt before bed. I've attached screenshots to show that in the case of a hypo 3 - 4 jelly babies suffices (though you, inexplicably, disagree). Cakes & similar should be avoided.

Even if he did, I'm confused avoid how that affects you?

You talk about needing to snack; I said have healthy snacks. It's pretty straightforward, really.

Why do you keep sniping & wilfully misunderstanding?

I still eat proper meals with carbs, meat, veg etc so don’t deny myself anything really but just don’t snack as much

This is from another poster - so again, no-one telling you 'no carbs'

Wow, such hostility from posters: unless you do as I say and cut carbs then you are ungrateful for our armchair nutritional evangelical carb bashing advice and not ready to lose weight, follow my advice or you can go to hell you ungrateful excuse making OP LOL.

I don't think you ask anything unreasonable, OP and I totally get and admire your thinking regarding modelling healthy eating relationship. FFS where are the feminists of MN?
OP have you read Fat is a feminist issue? Marvellous read.

The attitudes and posts on body and weight on MN are often extremely toxic, unfortunately. It's like an eating disorder's inner critic with a megaphone but I digress... I am afraid some hunger initially is inescapable. you could cut down (portion control) very slowly and gradually. I find it far less tempting to have snacks for the family that I don't particularly like.

People often get confused between carbs and crap.

There is a massive difference between a chickpeas salad with tomatoes, spring onion and extra virgin olive oil and biscuits, white toast, cake, rice cakes, savoury snacks, ...

Each have carb, but one is processed the other healthy.

You eat crap, you will have crap gut bacteria that will shout and scream to receive their daily crap. If you change what you eat from processed and worse ultra processed to minimally processed you don't have to look or calculate your macronutrients and slowly you will change your gut population and start craving healthy vegetables.

Focus on the quality of the food for the whole family. Two of your family members have justification to eat the wrong food which somehow probably aggravate their conditions, but you have not.
You are stronger than a packet of biscuit calling your name from the pantry.

Eliminate cold turkey ALL the sugar from your diet. Any packet that has "sugar " in any of its name or form listed as ingredients, any drink, yoghurt, snacks, look at the nutritional table and do not eat anything that has sugar listed. You will feel and be horrible for a week and then free for life.

Wow you’re coming across really hostile and I’m wondering if it’s a defensive mechanism and excuses to justify your diet and eating habits.
I’m not going to even comment on your husband or son as I don’t think that will help at all.
But there are ways of cooking one meal and making yours healthier.
So if you have sausages and wedges you could:

• cook healthier version of sausages for you eg turkey
• Have fewer wedges (not no wedges) and increase the veg.

Reducing simple carbs and fat will help you lose weight and looking at the composition of your plate will help you educate you DD on what healthy eating looks like. None of the above is fad dieting. You need to cut out the sugary snacks you do not need them. Also your DD doesn’t need them (again not commenting on your DH and DS specialist needs). It will be hard to start with, your body will crave them and you will experience sugar withdrawal (I did) which could be hunger and headaches. But that will not last long. Have healthy alternatives ready for when you need them. Honestly there will be a week where you don’t feel great, your hungry, and unfulfilled but that will pass. And then you will feel better than before. Have you also considered being tested for diabetes? The extreme hunger, light headednsss is not normal. Also I’m sure you know this but keep hydrated - thirst can easily be mistaken for hunger and let’s face it is much nicer to have a choc biscuit than a glass of water!

OP with regards to eating differently to your DD can you not just be honest? I've told my girls (7, 11 and 13) that as you get older you have to eat different foods to stay healthy so that's why I'm having something slightly different to them.

It’s hard when you need to cater for different needs, and need to find common ground amongst them. I have one DC with ADHD whose medications have had a significant impact upon his weight, and also DS12 with ASD who has a tendency to be picky and I really get wanting to role model a healthy approach to eating, in all senses of the word. I’m not overweight, but would be if I didn’t keep an eye on what I eat. I also recognise the shaky need for snacks feeling.

I always eat with them in the evenings (lone parent so no partner to factor in). I try and slightly adapt what we have so there are ways to make it work for us all. Eg:

Chicken burgers - I cook chicken for all of us and make salad. Wedges are a mix of normal and sweet potoroos. Plus a big salad. They have their burgers in a bun, I have mine without. We all have wedges, but mine will be almost all sweet potato, they will have mostly normal potato. Salad all round.

• We often eat veggie Indian food like dal or chickpeas curry. I’ll make rice and warm up wholemeal roti. I’ll have a tiny amount of rice but more roti; they’ll have a mix of both.

And so on. They are really observant but have never asked why my meal is slightly different - if they did I’d casually say I prefer the chicken with no bun, or felt like more roti rather than rice.

Plus that’s only one meal a day in the week - when (if!) they are at school I tend to grab something really healthy for lunch like home made soup (easier now I’m WFH), and have bran flakes or porridge for breakfast. Snacks I alway make sure (as PP have said) to include protein, so oatcakes with hummus, apple and peanut butter.

With the ADHD medication we were advised to try and get as much breakfast into DS as possible, so he has things like pancakes/French toast most mornings just to get the calories in. I know it’s not very healthy (though I make them with whole meal flour), but given it has to last all day the consultant said it was more important. Is your DS on medication all the time or does he have breaks at the weekends/in school holidays? My DS only takes the medication at school and about half the time in the holidays, which really helps with his weight - I know that is not an option for everyone however.

Diet Doctor website has lots of useful recipe ideas for healthy meals that I think would benefit your family.
I didn't see any posters tell you to cut out carbs, or drop entire food groups.
Reducing carbs or replacing ultra processed carbs with healthier carbs isn't the same as "no carbs".
Intermittent fasting was mentioned. You definitely don't sound as if you are ready for this, but just to clarify that it can be eating in a particular window during every day, say 8 hours from 11am to 7pm. It avoids continuous insulin release, helps balance blood sugar levels and reduces cravings. It gives the gut a rest and many people report improved sleep, higher energy levels, and reduced body inflammation (less aches and pains). It isn't something that would cause you to announce "mummy doesn't eat on Tuesdays". Sure, there are people who choose to fast longer for health benefits, and who have moved into an optimum nutrition phase, with whole foods and a no sugar diet, but nobody on this thread suggested that you try that.
Wishing you the best of luck, whatever you try.

Hi, it sounds like you're in an awkward situation to say the least. I know I might get flamed for this, but how about some nice ready meals for you, that way you can at least keep an eye on calories. Some of them are healthier. I also dont agree with no/lo carbs cause its not sustainable. A group of us have had an ongoing thread for weight loss (currently Dancing through December), we are various weights with various goals, no specific diets, no judgement.

Nutrition is such a hot potato topic,

If you google “are eggs good for you?” even that isn’t something there is agreement on - surely this should be clear cut!

My view is that experimentation is key.

I’ve experimented...low calories, low fat, exercise for weight loss, replacement meals etc etc.

The thing I found worked is low carb/ high fat and fasting. Its sustainable, easy and has many other benefits (for T1 and ADHD btw too)

What have you got to lose by trying something different for a few months? You are struggling, so a new strategy might work. People aren’t evangelical about this, it isn’t a ‘fad’ diet, it’s just something a lot of people try in desperation and find it works

I’m on a diet, DD is vegetarian (and a young, growing teen), DS7 has a waist that measures 18 months in clothes sizes so needs plenty of food and ds15 is a bottomless pit (but still skinny).
I often end up cooking 2 or 3 meals. If it’s something like chilli the sauce is shared, the boys have meat and rice added, DD has beans/ chickpeas and rice while I have a smaller portion of meat/ beans and cauliflower rice. The dc then add grated cheese/ sour cream to theirs. Pasta works similarly (and I have a smaller portion with side salad). Other meals I’ll skip the potatoes, dd will have something other than meat/ fish.
To avoid snacking/ overeating I do 16:8. That means I leave eating as late as I can ( temptation is always worse once I’ve eaten) and eat first around 1-2pm. Then I’ve got an 8 hour window to eat in. If there’s 3 meals in that window there’s no time to need snacks, though I often only find I need 2 . If I feel like snacking I walk as it distracts me (and burns calories)

I lost 3stone in 7 months doing as above (regained 7lb in December though!)

A good dietician will work with you holistically as a family. You're sounding pretty fraught and in nearly managing your family's needs are the one suffering from mental load and shrinking trouser syndrome.

Ellomello has sensible examples of the sort of diet you should be heading towards.

Firstly, low carbing isn't a fad diet. Even diabetes.co.uk suggest that diabetics follower a lower carb way of eating:

Low carb diets and type 1 diabetes
Some people with type 1 diabetes may wish to adopt a reduced carbohydrate diet. Low carb diets can be helpful for people who are struggling to keep control on a carb centered diet or for those who are otherwise looking to tighten their control

One of the benefits of reducing your intake of carbohydrate is in reducing the extent of post meal high blood sugar levels

Second, low carbing isn't about cutting out carbohydrate altogether - it's about cutting out those that are detrimental to your blood sugar (e.g. pasta, bread, rice and potatoes) and including those that are positively healthy, like vegetables and some fruit.

And third - why the hostility? People are trying to help you!

I certainly don’t do “mummy doesn’t eat” doing intermittent fasting! What an odd think to say! I basically just don’t have breakfast, I also have a DD and she doesn’t notice as she’s up, had her breakfast and is off to school. At the weekend she’s not awake till after 10am usually anyway and I certainly don’t announce to her I’ve not had breakfast! As I said before, I don’t deny myself carbs at all, I eat with the family, I don’t do separate meals, I still eat spag Bol, potatoes etc. I don’t restrict myself in any way. I was just trying to say that not eating after 7pm has reduced my snacking if I snack in the day I tend to have a bit of cheese instead of a biscuit. I’m not skinny and am a size 12, I just find this way of eating has reduced that shaky feeling I used to get when I would always reach for a biscuit. Every suggestion anyone makes you shoot down. I don’t deny myself anything but have stopped eating through boredom which I used to do. You’ve either got to want to do it or not, there’s no magic wand. Just eat when you are hungry and eat food that is satisfying and fills you up not rubbish full of sugar that will always leave you more hungry. For instance I would have a couple of poached eggs with spinach on granary toast after 11am, then later in the day probably have a snack of babybel, olives and ham or cooked chicken and then have a proper dinner about 6.30pm with my family and eat exactly the same as them so no “mummy doesn’t eat” here!

@Ellomello that is much more sensible thank you. My DS tends not to eat the bun OR the burger and only the wedges but heigh ho... He's on meds but slightly different timing weekends and holidays. So he eats a bit more lunch. But this morning ON meds he has pushed over DD bike and broken the bell, kicked DH who was trying to put a plaster on his knee, and entered a PIN on his game wrong 3 times so frozen it, rather than ask us to do it. So yes, he needs them!
I do need to sort out my lunches too.. I tend to eat quite a lot of cheese TBH as it keeps me going but there's a limit.

@Octopus37 I do generally cook my share of the cooking from scratch (cheers to the above poster who suggested processed food was the problem) but the odd ready meal would be good for leftovers/if DH decides to cook himself a meat pie when the DCs are having beans on toast. I will check out the group, thanks.

@hamstersarse saying "low carb is good for ADHD" is the very definition of a fad, sorry (actually no, not sorry at all). DS would eat nothing if given a plate of protein/fats. DH wouldn't cook meals based on this and his consultant wouldn't recommend this so he won't be on board.

Not eating breakfast would have me on the biscuits by 10 am. I'm already much worse for random snacking (as in, cake when I'm not hungry rather than nuts when I am) later.

I really do think that all these restrictive ideas (don't eat this, don't eat at this time, don't eat on these days) are just setting yourself up to fail. I don't do "diets".

My previous "you can't lose weight by calorie tracking" record is that I lost 2 stone in 6 months and then another stone in another 6 months and then kept it off till DS was a baby (too much cake at baby groups) when I started running then lost it again till I injured my hip and entered menopause at the same time nearly 2 years ago. I do slow and keep it off. I don't do "cut out whole food groups then binge over Christmas because I've been let off the leash".

I am not in the slightest bit interested in fast weight loss or diets. I need long term changes that work for my family.

@MrsPernicious where would I get a dietician for me/the family? Because the recommendations for DH (low fat, unrefined carbs) and for DS (high fat, let him snack on what he likes within reason) are not compatible really.

This NHS page has information on contacting a dietician.
www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/food-and-diet/how-can-i-find-a-registered-dietitian-or-nutritionist/

I do a pasta bake with tuna or chicken and loads of veg hidden in. Half way through cooking I load one side up with grated cheese. I eat from the non cheese side and have a smaller portion with a side of salad or extra veg.

I'm with you on needing the carbs with dinner. If I don't have some I'm just not satisfied for long enough.