My 12 YO DD has got quite big on lockdown, def within the overweight bracket

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we've had endless conversations about healthy eating and activity levels. I don't know how to tackle this anymore without weighing her and putting her on a diet.

Agree that exercise won't have much of an impact - it's a good habit to encourage (not nag), but if you're worried about her weight you need to review her portions and diet.
What does she eat in a day?

Gosh I feel so sorry for her, I was like that.

Can she not continue to do parkrun? Lots of parkruns are holding virtual events on their Facebook pages where you go and do the 5k solo or with other members of your household and record a time. I know it doesn't count on your record but I find it so motivational and it feels like being part of something again. Perhaps she'd be motivated to follow a training plan for a PB the first week back? There are plenty of free ones online. Or a similar running goal, say her first 10k?
Or has she tried trail running? There obviously aren't any races but local running club people or parkrun people would have a drawer full of old instructions, I know we do (I have loads for north Essex if you're local. It's fun and social distanced and something different.

Exercise won't help weight loss much.

OP I've been that overweight 12 year old who grew into a morbidly obese adult. The only thing that worked for me was low carb. Sugar is so addictive so cutting out carbs as much as possible will help her. By cutting down on the carbs I lost 8 stone. No exercise at all.

Sit down as a family and watch The Magic Pill on Netflix. It's eye opening.

Its her diet. Probably exacerbated by hormonal changes.

Make sure you have zero squash or juice in the house, no biscuits or cakes or crisps. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, some fruit thats it. Good for everyone!

Can anyone recommend a good book on diet, hormones, health, self-esteem etc for this age group? It is so difficult to keep the message going without falling into nagging territory. It would be good for her to see what's healthy to eat in a day in terms of portions and ratio of carbs/protein and fat, how to recognise emotional eating, etc, but without necessarily coming from me.

Credit to her, today she was extremely receptive to the change but it involved me preparing a lot of the meals. Breakfast was a selection of vegetables, two boiled eggs and a ryvita. Lunch was homemade carrot and celery soup with another ryvita and shavings of parmesan cheese. Dinner was a homemade burger with pakchoi and sweet potato. She was still hungry afterwards so she had more of the soup. At some point in the day I saw her munching on an apple.

Not everyday is like today, obviously. Lunch is quite often a pot noodle and she'll sometimes bake banana bread and eat it pretty much by herself in the course of 3 days with milk. Breakfast can be apricot wheats and an actimel. Dinner will be something healthy cooked from scratch but will typically contain a carb like pasta, rice, gnocchi or such like. There will also be some treats scattered here and there. I do realise this needs to stop but I am worried she'll be desperate for treats.

I was a child who ate in secret due to “conversations” about me being overweight and lots of other “good for me” directives that led to me feeling unloved and developing an ED.
Be careful what you say. Change the carbs for veg for everyone.. make everyone go on a bike ride not just your DD. Stop singling her out. She knows exactly what you’re thinking about her

I do realise that Oly4 and it worries me so much. My husband runs marathons and is a keen cyclist. I am not a natural sportswoman but I do couch to 5 and the shred daily and walk everywhere. We demand that our son (who's skinny) also gets out and exercises, so I hope the message is health. It is a really fine line. If I mention it she'll develop an ED, if I don't she'll be a miserable overweight teenager...

Why ryvitas? They are basically bits of cardboard. Two eggs on a piece of wholemeal toast is more filling. Today's meals sound good, its roughly what mine eat although ny 13 year old has done lots of exercise today.

You might want to revise her breakfast. Apricot wheat are 1/5th sugar . There are 6 forms of sugar listed in the ingredients!

(Wholegrain Cereals (69%) [Wheat (63%), Rolled Oats (6%)], Raw Sugar, Concentrated Apricot Puree (4.5%)], Invert Sugar, Humectant (Glycerol), Honey (1%), Sugar, Minerals (Calcium, Iron), Wheat Fibre, Salt, Gelling Agent (Pectin), Flavours, Barley Malt Extract, Acid (Citric), Colour (Paprika), Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Folate).
Maybe some overnight oats with blueberries.
It is not her fault. Everyone is being tricked into the ultra-processed healthy food claim .

Don't even get me started on the pot noodle.
Good on you for making changes from today. Don't fall into the opposite extreme as everyone will crash quickly. She shouldn't go hungry, so make huge salads, with crumbled eggs, sautéd chicken breast as toppings, even smocked salmon. Yummy food that leaves her satisfied.

An easily run parkrun in 25mins for a 12 year old girl would indicate that she's a pretty good athlete. My concern would then be that in the space of 6 weeks she's gone from that to being possibly overweight, eating poorly and has lost interest in keeping strong, health and fit.

Is she struggling with lockdown in general?

My 11yo son is struggling emotionally and even though he is a very sporty boy can be reluctant to get out and exercise. It's just not the same going to the park with no goals, or going on a bike ride with me.
We've had to be quite creative.

If she would do parkrun with her dad is there something else she could do with him if she enjoyed spending time with him? Anything to get her out and about - and take the heat off you as the 'bad guy'.

Are you usually telling your daughter to do things, ie. put leggings on to get on with your day? It's the sort of thing my mum would have said (and did say) and it grated with me. I'm wondering if she's at the natural age for friction with you, her mum? Sympathies if so.

Is she actually massively overweight or has she just put on a few pounds?

I think you are fixating far too much on her weight.
Is she happy? Is her home life happy? Does she sleep well? Does she have friends who she’s in regular contact with? Is she confident in herself? Does she seem stressed? Is the lockdown effecting her? Does her weight bother her?

Like a pp said, she’ll know that you think she’s a problem to be fixed. You’re going to make her feel ashamed of herself and her body, and give her life-long issues.

Over-eating is caused by emotions. Figure out what she is feeling and why. Then try and help her emotionally, is a non-judgemental and supportive way. Don’t start being super controlling over food. That just leads to secret bingeing.

Portion size is key OP. If she's not having sweet treats and her weight is an issue, try cutting down the amount of rice or pasta you cook for a meal.

She's not massively overweight no, not at all. She could probably lose 5 Kg. I guess if I though she was likely to grow much taller I would not be so worried, but I am only 5.3" and she has reached my height and had her period; I stopped growing at this age.
My DH is 6.1" so I guess there's hope she might grow a little more?

Clothes for her age don't fit her, I have to buy ladies size 8 or teenager size 15, by the way. Does it bother her? Judging by the way she nicks her brothers hoodies and jeans so everything is baggy on her, I'd say so (her brother has just turned 16 by the way).

I got put on multiple diets from the age of ten by well intentioned family. Some were near starvation levels!

I've had binge eating disorder/bulimia for the past 30 years and hate it, blighted my life.

Be very careful how you tread with children and diets!

If she's 5ft3 and started her period, age 15 or size 8 clothes sound fine. Children grow at different rates and don't always follow their age. My Son is 12 (13 in a couple of weeks) and he is wither wearing age 15 or mens XS. He's 5ft6 at the moment, but has more growing to do as DH is 6ft. I am only 5ft5. Think I grew after my periods started, not loads but a couple of inches. Good luck, whole thing is so difficult.

I think you're doing okay OP. Part of the problem at the moment will be boredom eating so as well as exercise try to interest her in other activities just to help the time pass. A 12 year old will be really missing her friends and activities without them will seem pointless and boring.

Don’t put her on a diet. Go through some healthy eating guidelines and remind her of eating 5 portions of fruit and veg a day, drinking lots of water and make a plan of how you’re going to fit that in. .
Hopefully, that can ensure that snacks can be a couple of portions of fruits or veg sticks.

Base meals around protein and veg and some carbs

Go for a walk if she doesn’t want to run. If you’ve got somewhere nice and green, even better. Being in nature can help with a bit of mental positivity.

I definitely won't put her on a diet. It's really given me food for thought that I have noticed her getting bigger whilst on lockdown so yes, this is definitely on me. I will base meals on vegetables, protein and healthy carbs and leave sugary treat for weekends. The whole family will benefit from that really.

It would be good for her to see what's healthy to eat in a day in terms of portions and ratio of carbs/protein and fat, how to recognise emotional eating, etc, but without necessarily coming from me.

I wouldn’t actually go down that road - no 12 year old is going to be interested ratios of carbs proteins and fat. Keep it simple and achievable. Start by massively reducing her sugar intake but keep everything else the same. No more sugary cereal and no more eating an entire cake over three days. That alone should make a difference.

Boredom eating - we all do it, especially now.

She's 12, she might feel very shy and self concious going out for a run where neighbours and people from school can see her. It's really not the same as doing park run at the park in a crowd. It would fit with hiding in her brother's baggy hoodies. Maybe a bike ride going further from home would suit her better? Or a short drive to do her 5k elsewhere?

It's SO hard . My 11yr old DD has got a bit bigger. She finds crisps and biscuits that I'm trying to ration (for all of us) and generally refuses to exercise.

Me and her brother are active, thin and eat well so it's not for my for lack of setting a good example.

If she likes baking (and eating the results) maybe getting her more involved in making balanced main meals would help. She's more in control, she's part of a team and she gets to enjoy the food.