Menopausal, massive, rapid weight gain and completely demotivated. What do I do?

[milliefiori]

Hi,
I'm fifty five, just recently menopausal after long perimenopause during which I gained weight. I hoped it would level out but I seem to be gaining even faster now.

My problems are that I have a sedentary job and I am an emotional eater. I never diet. I know I over eat and I drink alcohol most nights, though that's habit more than necessity. I give up in October and January.

Biggest problem is I have zero drive to diet. the idea depresses me. Not sure why. The thought of policing what I eat and being constantly hungry and grumpy just puts me off before I start. But if I carry on gaining like this, I'll become obese. I'm already very overweight. (5'3" and 11st 9lbs this morning!) I feel so down about it but don't know where to start. The house is full of ice cream, cakes and biscuits, chips and crisps all of which DH buys for himself and DC. He always stocks up on loads of alcohol too. I know I don't have to eat it but I am pretty weak willed and when it's there and I have a difficult day I just snack before I've even realised I've done it.

Open to any advice of any kind. I was shocked when I got on the scale this morning.

I do some exercise each week - a body combat class, flow yoga (the most challenging of all) hillwalking and kayaking, but work from home so the steps from bed to desk are almost non existent.

Sorry for the long post. Offloading. I am feeling very down about it and wondering how I will ever tackle it and find the willpower that other people have.

You have my sympathy as i was similar but this really jumped out at me

The house is full of ice cream, cakes and biscuits, chips and crisps all of which DH buys for himself and DC

That lot isn't good for anyone. I have ice lollies in the fridge as they are low calorie and the occasional pack of ice creams (i dont like them)

We never eat chips. 1 pack of bisucits a week. Never crisps. I might make a cake occasionally. Is your dh overweight?

The exercise sounds great. I made myself go for a long walk every day (an hour, as fast as i could) and also do 2 classes of yoga a week. I only drink two nights a week. I have three days a week where i don't eat until 2pm. It is working, but very slowly. I take hrt which is great but I do like to comfort eat in a way i never did previously!

Yes DH is a bit overweight. He's tall and broad built though. He also has ASD so it is such hard work to convince him to stop doing things he does routinely and he does routinely buy treats for DC. They are teens so burn it off quite easily. He's tall so he gets away with a bit of chub. I'm short and I really don't.

@Manontry Thanks for your replies. Does HRT help at all? Or does it also make you gain weight?

I think it has made me more motivated but I've also put on a few pounds. I feel a lot happier about life though.

Intermittent fasting. It works because it’s easier not to eat anything, than it is to eat small portions of tasty food or larger portions of less tasty food.

Read the Obesity Code. It honestly is a game changer. I’m peri menopausal and as of this morning Ive lost 1 stone 3lbs in 7 weeks.

@sheshootssheimplores - thank you! I like the sound of that. I agree. Easier to eat nothing than small amounts of delicious food. When I was slim I went for hours without eating, not to keep slim but just because not eating stopped me feeling hungry. I often ate just once a day. Interesting. Off to look up that book.

The good news is you don’t really have that much to lose (20 lbs?) but you are right to tackle it before it becomes 3 or 4 stone. I am 52 and have to work at staying size 12. Forget about needing to eat 2,000 calories a day, at this age we need a lot less (unless exercising a lot). I eat twice a day and agree with the IF method. Maybe look at the Fast 800/Blood Sugar Diet if you think losing quickly would be motivating for you?

The other suggestion I have is to try to see this as a happy thing. Not oh my God I have to diet and it will be horrible and miserable. If you can get excited about it, download a tracking weight app or MFP. I keep a food diary in a notebook and have my measurements and stats in it. Set yourself a 7 lb goal initially so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Is there a favourite item of clothing you would love to fit in? What healthy food do you like? Make a meal plan. Good luck

Thank you @Riddleofthesands - that's an upbeat way of looking at it.

All you can do is retrain your appetite. For me, it was sugary shite. I've got to the point were i indulge infrequently and feel crap, for it, so leave off, pretty quickly. I can still pack away a lot of calories and not feel hungry, and do stilll have almost daily crisps, but i don't have the constant emptiness that makes me want to eat constantly.

millie I hear you! I feel the same, in fact you could almost be me except I don't do any exercise 😭 and I'm taller and heavier.

I'm definitely an emotional eater. Add to that, that I'm stopping smoking, so eating even more. I'm so down about it. I feel huge, my clothes don't fit and I hate the way I look.

Sorry, I've no answers really. Have you tried something like knitting in the evening to distract you from eating? Do you use my fitness pal to track calories? I started doing that, but have been quite down recently and started emotional eating again. I'm determined to get back to it though, once I've got over the initial nicotine withdrawal.

I went to a different yoga class last night and felt like a hippo.

It was so depressing I might not go back.

Fasting today until 2pm.

I've lost half a stone but still beed to lose another stone before I even begin to look ok and reach a healthy weight bmi.

Have you tried something like knitting in the evening to distract you from eating? Funnily enough I'm not much of an evening snacker usually (I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions if I think about it.) I can happily watch TV all night long and just have a glass of wate ror cup of tea. (The issue is - I am on the sofa immobile for hours, watching crappy detective shows. I really should get up and do more fitness classes.

And I just eat way too much at meal times, and I drink alcohol. I never used to feel hungry at lunch time but these days I'm ravenous and can easily eat 700 cals in what feels like a small light lunch. My appetite is really out of control these days.

@Manontry - Oh lord, I have this issue with yoga. I actually gave up a class I loved because I kept putting on weight and felt like such a hippo. By far the fattest (and oldest) person in the room. I'm supposed to be re-joining next week, as it was a good class, dynamic flow, and helped me feel stronger and suppler - I've really noticed the decline since stopping 6 months ago. But I do feel so self-conscious and ungainly, sweating hot flushes and heffering away while all these lean lovelies hang upside down on their willowy limbs. I kept feeling the teacher was laughing at me or trying not to look at my massive backside. But I'm trying really hard not to care and to just stay at the back and get on with it. It does knock your confidence, though.

@Manontry - well done on the half stone! I got on the scales today and it said 11st 7 instead of 11 9 but my scales are very variable. I don;t trust them. I need a proper medical scale.

millefiori yes I felt exactly like this. I wasn't imagining it either!

I'm going to buy myslef some nice yoga gear and wear bright lipstick when I go. Might even get my own mat. I am SHIT at it but I really enjoy it.

I'm 12 stone 12! 5 foot 8 though. Bloody massive.

@Manontry - I don't think 12st12lbs at 5'8" is any bigger than 11st9lbs at 5'3".

I don't have the hot flushes any more at least. And tbh there is another chubby woman in my class, she's younger though and really tanned so looks much nicer! I just try and keep my eyes closed as much as possible

Try to go out for a walk instead of watching TV. Hrt actually has made me put on a couple of kilos, but that is all. I walk quite a lot, tell myself that any crisps/biscuits are for my 18 year old, not me. Drink lots of water - every time you fancy a snack have a pint of water first. It often gets rid of the urge. Keep up the exercise. I calorie count quite a bit with Mfp - it's quite revelatory how many calories are in crap food.

Keep going with your exercise. Dieting is tedious and depressing. I resent giving it so much headspace! I reckon it is best to pick a couple of simple rules, stick to those and not try and constantly police your eating apart from that. And there's definitely something in this theory: it’s easier not to eat anything, than it is to eat small portions of tasty food or larger portions of less tasty food.

I'm going to have two rules: no breakfast (i.e. do 18:6 fasting), no sugary stuff except maybe a treat at the weekend. That's it. Apart from that I will eat what I want.

There’s no way around it - if you want to lose weight then you WILL have to police what you eat, until you have established new habits.

What form of policing you want is up to you. Slimming clubs, calorie controlled etc. Personally I’ve only lost weight with IF and LCHF. Like you, I like to eat a lot so I have huge stir fries , salads and roast veg with meat or fish. I could never do the “ one tiny square of top quality chocolate “ .

I think that as a petite post menopausal woman with a sedentary job who doesn’t like exercise - you will need a whole new way of eating and now just a short term diet to lose a few pounds . Otherwise you will put it all back on.

You can’t exercise your way out of a bad diet - believe me, I’ve tried.

Theres loads of support threads here on MN, why don’t you consider joining one for moral support? And as a PP said, work out what will keep you motivated.

I can't stand diets with too many 'rules'. & I don't like going hungry. The only thing that's ever worked for me is low carbing, because I know I can eat decent sized portions and not be hungry. Low-carbing has also cut my appetite so I'm not over-tempted by whatever anyone else in the house has in the freezer.

eg DCs have chocolate ice lollies. I might have 1 occasionally - I don't deprive myself - but that's it. The old me would've gone back for another later on then had my mind on them the next day too. You need your own low carb shopping list and to stick to it.

I have a big (no carbs) breakfast every morning and I'm full for ages. Home exercise is a mini-trampoline I can jump on whilst listening to music or watching TV. No set times, I do 5-10 minutes here & there. I also have weights. I don't pack my exercise equipment away as if it's not in my eye line I won't use it. I'm lazier than you from the sound of it and have managed to lose.

Some good weight loss support threads on MN.

The thought of policing what I eat and being constantly hungry and grumpy just puts me off before I start. But if I carry on gaining like this, I'll become obese. I'm already very overweight. (5'3" and 11st 9lbs this morning!) I feel so down about it but don't know where to start. The house is full of ice cream, cakes and biscuits, chips and crisps all of which DH buys for himself and DC.

To not feel hungry and grumpy, low-carb is your answer. You absolutely do not experience hunger on this way of eating as the amounts are not restricted, only foods which push your blood sugar up! So you can eat loads of eggs, protein, cheese, plain yoghurt, veggies, nuts. Just no junk. You WILL feel a new you on this way of eating. It is not a diet, as it is not time limited, it is for always. Once you experienced the energy, the mental clarity, alertness, the unbeatably good mood, you wouldn’t want to put cake in your mouth again!!

I am afraid your family needs to be on board though. Especially during the withdrawal period of several weeks while your body switches from being reliant on constant supply of carbs throughout the day to burning fat for energy (including own stores). TBH it’s not doing your other family members a awful lot of good either, so try and wean everybody off biscuits and cake. I find my kids don’t even think of it during the day (have proper big meals), only if DH brings it in, then they want it suddenly. So, honestly, easier not to buy it or have it in the house.

Just to warn you, if you go down this road and you are currently eating a lot of sugar, pastries, chocolate, you will experience a true withdrawal with headaches, possibly disturbed sleep, flagging energy levels, overpowering cravings. Just stick it out and stay on the course, if you have a strong desire for dessert, munch on some nuts or dried fruit. You will find you’ll need ‘sweet’ taste less and less and will feel better every day (and the weight will just drop off on its own). BUT it is easy to be thrown back to ‘the dark ages’ if you partake in sugar again, you will notice the sluggishness, the cravings. So, look after yourself and make sure your partner understands the seriousness of this. To avoid sabotage of your best efforts.

Wrt to your ‘weak’ willpower, there is no such thing. You likely have high baseline levels of insulin and higher blood-sugar which physiologically drives you to continuously seek out high-sugar, high-carb food in order to quickly convert it to glucose in your bloodstream. Once you start normalising the insulin/blood sugar, your appetite will return to normal, you will stop thinking about food all the time, will feel indifferent to cake and generally ‘forget’ to eat until next meal 5-6h later.

Good luck. It is hard, but doable and so so worth it!