Sandwich Smuggling - help needed

[chubbina]

OK, admittedly I'm morbidly obese. But I have a major issue. I need help smuggling my mid-match meal into the football stadiums these days. With their airport-style security, I'm finding it hard to get the sarnies into the ground and into my gob. The gits just confiscate them.
Anyone here got any ideas? All suggestions gratefully received.
C. Goat

Really? Perhaps you could change your team Season starts 3 August. I'll get you a ticket.

Put them down your pants. They ain’t gonna look in there are they?

Get a full size french bread, cut the top off and pull out the middle doughy bit. This will give you a roughly cylindrical receptacle. Stuff with your preferred filling. (Tuna or egg isn't great.) Wrap in foil. Slide finished stuffed loaf down your trouser leg. (Or use cling film if they have metal detectors.)

This recipe also works with vodka, provided the load if a day old. It's an old trick for sneaking a bottle of vodka into a Millwall match.

No need to thank me. :)