I get a physical high from eating shit food

[Elephantina]

I have name changed because I’m about to share details that I have never spoken about out loud before.

I am 46 and class 2 obese with about 4 stone to lose. My story doesn’t really matter, although it is much the same as anyone else who has followed a binge-diet cycle for 30 years.

The fact is, I LIKE shit food. Sugar and carbs give me a deep-down purr of bliss, contentment and well-being that nothing can match. Without it life rumbles along fine, but I feel empty and irritable and gloomy and I get terrible IBS symptoms when I’m eating properly. It’s not even the act of eating it – eating it is good, yes, but the THOUGHT of eating it, of having the choice and space to eat it without judgement (i.e in secret), is even better. Like downing a glass of cool water when you’re desperately thirsty, in over 30 years I have found nothing that beats the absent pleasure of it.

I need to find something to replace the high that it gives me – that’s obvious to me without a £60 per hour therapist. Obviously I have lost weight through diet and exercise a hundred times before, but I haven’t dealt with the need to get lost in the comfort and the buzz of eating the food so it always comes back.

I don't enjoy being fat and it irks me that my problem is plastered all over me for everyone to see - I'd prefer to be slim and fit of course. But I quite like myself as a person, I'm all right I think, even if I am fat. I had a health check recently and all is well, I am not pre-diabetic and cholesterol and pressure is low. I don't have any joint or mobility issues, my only health problem is chronic migraine.

I can diet, I know what to do and the mechanics/biology of weight loss. But it won't work unless I can stamp down the yearning for a high.

Has anyone achieved it? None of the definitions I have read around "food addiction", binge-eating disorder, and so on, seem to fit what I do.

[FabulouslyGlamorousFerret]

I think I'm enjoying the novelty of depriving myself of the usual suspects like chocolate, cake, all the sweet gooey calorific stuff I LOVE which has made me 4 stone overweight - yet I don't feel deprived. I don't normally look twice at savoury food, I'm not bothered and if DH is not around I'll feast on chocolate and won't eat anything proper. But he's out tonight, and I have enjoyed a feast of peri peri chicken salad, quiche and cheese, and I have plain Skyr yoghurt and melon in the fridge. Perfectly satisfying, no rabbit food or weighing stuff out, and no sugar in sight.

@Elephantina it's great isn't it, because you're not eating rabbity shite, there's no feeling of deprivation - even though people can't believe that you can give up 'chocolate' (my most common comment).

This way of eating has got me down to being in the 'normal parameters of fatness' ... and after years of 'extreme obesity' I'm okay with that. I'll have to reduce my calorie intake if I want to lose anymore but at the moment, I'm happy with how I eat and how I feel.

I hope this is your 'answer' as it has been mine 👍🏻

[mikado1]

Thanks for this thread and bring do honest op. I feel the same and have been following with interest. I don't have a weight problem but training don't know how. My glove compartment and my handbag are always full of junk wrappers. Underneath the front seats in my car is another hiding place. It almost has to be solo binging for me.. yesterday and today I did not binge and ate all meals within 12h. I'm on an antibiotic at the moment which means I need a 3h gap between food and I've found it so hard, almost impossible. Not good. I'm going to reread BoB and do the accompanying workbook. I didn't have a light bulb but it did help a bit. I also need to up my movement, I was going v well and it's dropped with my mood. I will keep watching and will check in if that's ok. Best of luck.

[Elephantina]

Evening all. Day 10 of being sugar free, and it's been easy as anything!

Obviously I'm eating a fair amount of cheese and crackers to replace my sugar habit, but I'm not feeling starved or deprived and I'm not craving sugar.

Bit of a result really. No idea if I've lost any weight, but I'm definitely eating less fat to feel satisfied than I was processed carbs. I can eat a shit load of cake and chocolate and barely feel any different, but a couple of slices of cheese and crackers as a snack feels like plenty...

[Elephantina]

No idea if anyone's is still reading but anyway. My appetite seems to have really faded to nothing, is that normal?

Not that I'm complaining. I have fat calves but noticed earlier that I was able to zip my boots all the way to the top, when I usually have to leave the last inch.

[Ethel36]

On special occassions I do like the initial taste of junk food. But literally within a few hours I start to feel ill and develop a headache. I have to start drinking lots of water to feel well again. I think it's down to all the excess sugar & salt! My friend has started a no sugar diet last week and feels alot better for it. I find cutting out bread helps keep my weight down.

[Elephantina]

I'm definitely taking less sweetener in tea and coffee, I usually love everything super super sweet - but I must be having some success in breaking the habit because even a banana tastes sweet to me at the moment. And I can now taste the added sugar in bread and some crackers, which is a weird experience.

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

Well done, I'm in awe. Would love to do the same. Maybe in the New Year...

[Elephantina]

I know, I haven't exactly picked the best time have I!

[Elephantina]

A little bump for any New Year "no sugar" comrades. It's been interesting re-reading my own thread.

[FabulouslyGlamorousFerret]

Hey, how did you get on over Christmas? .. the only thing that tempted me but I refrained was Baileys!

So glad cheese hasn't got sugar in 🤣

[Elephantina]

Hey Ferret! Not brilliantly to be honest, but I wasn't fixated on maintaining a sugar-free festive season - but I think I probably ate much less crap than I normally would!

I enjoyed a couple of black forest hot chocolates which are awesome, but fully committed to not having another until next Christmas. Back to no sugar tonight and for the foreseeable - also looking to increase exercise, in a manageable way. Physio is going to write to my GP to recommend a cortisone injection for my foot, so hopefully I'll be walking pain-free again very soon.

I must admit I have developed quite a taste for cheese, especially the marmite version.

[FabulouslyGlamorousFerret]

Yes, giving up just before Christmas must have been hard. I stopped the February so by Christmas I had already cracked it.

You mention sweeteners, I found it helped going totally cold turkey on 'all things sweet' I gave up sweeteners too, I think that was part of the success.

Good luck getting back on the wagon 👍🏻

[agteacht]

Hey
Just read your thread and it's fab. Did you ever see if you lost weight with cutting out sugar?
I can sympathise with the feelings you describe! Will be following your journey :)

[Moominfan]

I made a start before Xmas. Still ate fruit but my appetite decreased so much. Need to wean off the sugar again.

[Fuckwheresitgone]

thanks for posting this elephantina, do you mind if I bump along for the ride too? I'm attempting no sugar problem is I like more sugar in my coffee than any other ingredient. Did you cut down slowly or just go cold turkey?

[FlightyMare]

Hello - are you still on with your no sugar crusade? I can totally relate to your posts as I am an undeniable sugar addict. I've read so many books about it, and nod along and can recognise that I'm addicted - but seem unable to get past a day or two without it. It drastically affects my mood and makes me totally miserable when I deprive myself of it.

At the same time though, I recognise that I really should address it, as my eating is out of control. I'm not over-weight, but I rarely eat proper meals. Like you, I have IBS symptoms when I eat many foods - garlic and onions are out as they make me ill. Lots of veg cause painful bloating. I always seem to default to snacking as large meals make me uncomfortable...

Anyway, enough of my self-indulgence. I'll loiter around and see how you get on in the hope that it'll give me the push I need and I pick up some ideas and tips on how to crack this!

[Elephantina]

Fuckwheresitgone sorry, hectic few days - no I didn't go cold turkey in terms of sweetener, I've just dialled it down a little to gradually accustom myself to less sweet flavours in my life! I hope to eventually eliminate them, but one step at a time eh.

I got on the scales and I have somehow lost a lb over Christmas, which is bizarre. I'm pretty sure I ate a lot of quality street, and the leftover giant chocolate yule log made most of its way into my gob rather than into the dustbin as planned. Mind you, thanks to some veg and a touch of work related anxiety I did have 5 poos the day before.

So yes I re-commenced the crusade on new years day, although there was minor lapse when a) I had my bag stolen along with my sweeteners, so at the office they kindly put 2 sugars in my tea instead, and b) I remarked that owing to the shock of the theft I had eaten nothing all day so someone handed me an Aero.

I shoved it in my (makeshift, temp replacement) bag, but the thought of another 4 hours in the car drove me to succumb to it eventually. A bloody aero for gods sake, they're rank!

Back on it today, fasting blood test at 11am so I was hungry when I came back and ate some porridge piled high with raspberries and a banana. I can't bear it completely unsweetened but I used a sprinkling of sweetener, not much at all, to take the edge off. Now I'm sitting here like a princess waiting for DH to bring me my dinner of turkey meatballs, pasta and his home made tomato sauce.

Flightymare, when you are coping with initial sugar reduction try eating plenty of fat - cheese and full fat yoghurt are good, I'm not fond of nuts personally (IBS + cashews = BOOOOM) but if you can stomach them they're a good option. Fat actually gives you the satisfied feeling much faster than sugar/carbs, and lasts longer too. As I said earlier and someone else has mentioned, my appetite actually reduced quite a lot in the 4 weeks I stuck to it leading up to Christmas.

I'm mad for cheese now, but it doesn't take very much and I can walk away without desperately needing 2 lbs of it.

I'd love to know what the deleted comment was MNHQ, was it spam (drink this tea made from cat vomit and lose 4 stone in a day) or was it abusive (you're all fat fuckers, try eating less and going to the gym etc etc)?

[Whycantidoit]

Elephantina you describe your struggle so clearly and it has really resonates with me.

I can’t stop eating the food you love either! Despite knowing the health risks and the consequences, I still do it.

Unfortunately, my husband could not tolerate the weight I gained from this destructive behaviour and is divorcing me because if my weight. It would be nice to think that he loved me for who I was but ultimately I gained so much weight(7 stone) that he said he no longer found me attractive, was emabarrassed to be seen with me and didn’t want to be pushing me around in a wheel chair in ten years time. It was brutal but he is right, I guess.

You sound like you are making the changes needed and the no/lo carb thing, although challenging sounds like to is the key. I’ll be cheering you on!

[Elephantina]

Gosh WhycantI, that's awful...I'm so sorry. It's so difficult - we want them to love us for who we are, but they still have to be true to themselves after all.

I am in the fortunate position of having a DH who also battles with his weight to an extent, so he can empathise. He is also loving and when he squeezes my fat bits and I self consciously wriggle away saying it must feel horrible, he says he loves it because its part of me.

Anyway, enough of that. Why don't you join the crusade? Don't diet, just try exchanging the cake and chocolate for good fats for a little while. I did it for 4 weeks and had already started looking smaller, and I didn't feel like I was "being good"! My pet hate...

[J008]

Oooo interesting post!!

I CANNOT moderate! I can abstain...currently doing lighterlife and once through the pain barriers of the first few days my cravings go and I get the benefits of breaking the food addiction.

BUT at some point I need to eat again and I am literally all or nothing?! Being addicted to something you have to have everyday but...not a lot of. Driving me mad. Would like to wake up...not think of food...eat until I’m full and 3 times a day. I agonise over every meal...what not to have etc

It’s tiring really isn’t it.

Solutions...?!?!?! I’m just hoping I can reset through LL and crack management phase.

I went too thin last time...as I say...all or nothing.

Exercise may well be the key...

[Yorkshiremum17]

I started low carb high fat again on the 2nd I did it a couple of years ago and lost nearly 2 stone but life got in the way and whilst I maintained it for ages piled it all back on last year! The thing is I felt fabulous whilst I was doing it, I felt fabulous when I was half doing it, I felt totally crap when I stopped. I was bloated, headachy, and my joints wee killing me. I've been back on it for 3 days not calorie counting this time, just cutting out refined sugar, pasta, rice, bread, flour and no snacking between meals. I woke up this morning and for the first time in a year my joints don't hurt😀. I don't feel bloated hopped on the scales and have lost 5lb. I know it's early days, but eating this way is something I can do, that makes me feel good. I have a lot of weight to lose, but actually think I can do this. Cutting out the sugar is the most important thing that works for me, I know that I can have occasional carbs with no ill effect, but sugar is a big no.

[visitorthedog]

Hi Elephantina, just wanted to say I completely understand this, it’s not so much a high for me but the absent feeling - if I can get in bed with a book or TV or something and a pile of the food I like (sweet) next to me then it’s like I can be content and soothed, safe, like hypnotised for that time that I’m reading and eating. Arghh, nothing replaces it.

[Whatchathink]

Elephantine- so great that you are able to share your thoughts on this matter.

Really interesting article in the guardian today:

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jan/05/truth-obesity-five-fat-myths-debunked

Written by a woman who lost 13 stone

[2019Dancerz]

Interesting thread. I don’t think I have physical cravings for sugar so I don’t think these diets will get to the route of the emotional craving. Half read a book once called Brain over Binge and really should look it out and finish it.