I get a physical high from eating shit food

[Elephantina]

I have name changed because I’m about to share details that I have never spoken about out loud before.

I am 46 and class 2 obese with about 4 stone to lose. My story doesn’t really matter, although it is much the same as anyone else who has followed a binge-diet cycle for 30 years.

The fact is, I LIKE shit food. Sugar and carbs give me a deep-down purr of bliss, contentment and well-being that nothing can match. Without it life rumbles along fine, but I feel empty and irritable and gloomy and I get terrible IBS symptoms when I’m eating properly. It’s not even the act of eating it – eating it is good, yes, but the THOUGHT of eating it, of having the choice and space to eat it without judgement (i.e in secret), is even better. Like downing a glass of cool water when you’re desperately thirsty, in over 30 years I have found nothing that beats the absent pleasure of it.

I need to find something to replace the high that it gives me – that’s obvious to me without a £60 per hour therapist. Obviously I have lost weight through diet and exercise a hundred times before, but I haven’t dealt with the need to get lost in the comfort and the buzz of eating the food so it always comes back.

I don't enjoy being fat and it irks me that my problem is plastered all over me for everyone to see - I'd prefer to be slim and fit of course. But I quite like myself as a person, I'm all right I think, even if I am fat. I had a health check recently and all is well, I am not pre-diabetic and cholesterol and pressure is low. I don't have any joint or mobility issues, my only health problem is chronic migraine.

I can diet, I know what to do and the mechanics/biology of weight loss. But it won't work unless I can stamp down the yearning for a high.

Has anyone achieved it? None of the definitions I have read around "food addiction", binge-eating disorder, and so on, seem to fit what I do.

Low carb is a crap diet - bad for you, bad for the planet. Plus lots of people don't lose weight on it after the initial 7 pound water loss. I tried it for a whole year and lost a total of 3 pounds. Hardly life changing, I can lose that much with a big poo.

I think a study was done of people after a year of low carb and low fat. They lost the same amount of weight. The key is what you can stick to long term. If you get complacent and go back to your old habits on any diet, you will put on weight. I couldn't stick to low carb. I tried. It's very unforgiving of any kind of slip up. I couldn't even manage to stick with it for the 2 weeks hardcore you need to do, so never got to the maintenance phase which is less strict.

Well I've been low carb, no wheat & no sugar for two years and feel fine so I think it can work for some people. Not saying I am perfect or don't overeat things sometimes but day to day it works for me and don't crave food ever so I'll stick to it for now.

I just posted a similar plea - didn't see this first.

I was just wondering how many people have done some kind of counselling alongside a diet? I'm pretty good at losing a stone but then sabotage my efforts.

Aged 41 (imminently), my divorce has just come through three years after my DH legged it for a work colleague the week before Christmas and I have managed to get back on.the career ladder, keep my home, raise two tiny children and now 2019 I need to focus on me.

Just not sure how I'll do it.....

I wonder if youve got some food intolerences to some of the healthy food, which is why you feel better when youre getting pure calories that dont take work to digest or youre not intolerant too.
Might be worth looking into what you cant eat.

There is also the option of not depriving yourself of the food that you enjoy. But of course eating it to obesity levels has its downside too. Most people stick better to a diet when they can still treat themselves.

Ah Kraken, glad you've come out the other side! I guess it'll take some practice, this self-care lark. I have asked on here before about CBT to support healthy eating but didn't get much in the way of replies. I've looked up some local counsellors in my area, and there is one that specialises in food issues so...who knows?

Hmm I'm sure you're right Branleuse. It's very often typical FODMAPS that kick off the IBS response, but only some of them - and not even all of the time. My innards are very generalised, if I'm eating GENERALLY badly everything is fine, if I'm eating GENERALLY well it's carnage and I have to time work appointments around my time on the toilet. Lovely.

I sometimes wonder if my sugar habit hasn't lined my intestines, protecting from an adverse response to fibre. The minute I drop the sugar, my shield passes through and then fibre causes me problems.

GP put me on fibogel once. Hahahaha! Did not go well.

Thanks Elephantina my oldest is nearly nine - I lost all my baby weight after her to a size 10/12 (I'm 5'9 so can carry a load of weight!), but its fair to say that the last six years since having my youngest has been an emotional roller-coaster. I'm now wearing my old maternity clothes because I refuse to buy any more clothes that are in size 16/18/20.

Now looking at the VLCD diet - shakes just to see if I can get the weight shifted quickly to start with and then once I start to see progress move to something more like SW or the 5:2. My issue is that I have few vices (gave them all up before I had children), no partner, dislike cooking and LOVE sugar......

Ferret your going to give me an answer I don't want to hear. So no sweets or snacks between meals? Do you ever have a pudding, treats, special occasions, pmt cravings, snacks during outings ect? Eating just three filling meals a day seems reasonable but I'd just miss week haribo and my vices that are also keeping me fat

After a week of careful research and reading (and filtering out the bollocks from internet quacks and non-scientific sources), I am on day 2 of quitting my sugar habit.

I need to be realistic, so I'm swerving the standard suspects like cake, chocolate, sweets, biscuits, desserts etc, and avoiding processed foods with obvious added sugar - but continuing to eat fruit, skimmed milk etc (what I consider to be natural sugars), and the occasional bit of artifical sweetener, although much much less than before.

It has to be sustainable, hence the relaxed stance over natural sugar and moderated artificial sweetener. I'm only being militant about refined sugar.

It feels fine at the moment - I don't feel the usual misery of knowing I can only eat 1300 calories a day for an ill-defined period, all I'm doing is avoiding sugar. And I don't tend to overeat savoury foods, they don't hold much interest for me so they are purely for fuel which is as it should be I suppose.

Feels quite liberating so far, but I'll report back after a few more days.

I have never mentioned that I don't drink alcohol at all, so I'm lucky in that respect! My lard arse is built of cake and chocolate alone.

Well done Elephantina!!! The first days are the hardest so you're doing brilliantly. Please also research eating fat as it will keep you fuller and your cravings away. Fat doesnt make you fat, it makes you full. Google bulletproof coffee - sounds utterly disgusting but tastes great and feels you up completely. In the early days i did used to have sugar free jelly with full fat cream to stop the sugar cravings as well.

Bulletproof coffee sounds rank...but I'll give it a try!

I've watched That Sugar Film and read about a third of the Realists Guide to Sugar Free (or whatever its called), and I have in mind to check labels and avoid anything with more than 5g sugar per 100g, AND aim to stay under 6 teaspoons (24g?) sugar per day.

Today I felt irritable and had a headache, but I'm still getting over a cold and have a cough so that might be connected. I didn't eat at all today, just had 2 cups of coffee, so looked for a snack in Tesco's express near home. Nothing really appealed, so I bought a cooked roast chicken breast, impaled it with a fork and ate it like a lollipop.

It was rather satisfying actually.

Electrolytes! Eat salt. Google keto flu. Quick post as must go to sleep as up at 5 but your body will go through a horrible withdrawal phase so you'll need salt and lots of water to cope. Steep fruit tea bags in fizzy water also.

Cheers Tipsey! I was up at 5am too, got a days work in London and need to get to the station at fuck all o'clock or I won't get a space.

I woke up feeling SO much brighter this morning. I do take anti-depressants/anxiolytics for an ancient phobia, have done for over 15 years, and in winter I'm prone to waking feeling very low - although it lifts quickly once I'm up and moving. But I didn't have it at all this morning, I was unusually perky for 5am, especially as I've been dreading today for work reasons.

It's only day 4. Feeling very positive and not deprived at all - avoiding sugar is actually much easier than avoiding calories full stop. It's amazing how many things it's in though isn't it. Gravy!

Hi OP,
I think your honesty is amazing and rare. My weight has yoyoed for years and I was (perhaps still am...) full of excuses and denial. I recognise it in others with similar weight issues to me. I want weight loss to be instant, like the gratification I get from food. I can't do the long hard slog to get myself back into standard clothing sizes and into a physically healthy place. Because food is my comfort, my drug of choice to deal with pain and grief and happiness and boredom etc etc...
But a few years ago I went to a Gillian Riley seminar, and she talked about motivation, choice and addictive desire. And something shifted in how I viewed food, weight and health. It's not been a straight path, but my head is in a much better place now. I feel (mostly) in control. What I eat is driven my my fully thought through choice, rather than fuelled by addictive desire. I found Gillian very powerful. Everything she says is backed by scientific peer reviewed evidence. She does on line seminars which I highly recommend.
I don't know what I weigh now. I'm a size 14 and I'd like to be a 10. But 12 months ago I was squeezing myself into stretchy size 18 with difficulty. What I've learned is to reframe my urges and use my logical rational brain to make a choice. I have ups and downs but mostly I'm free from the awful shame I carried around about my size and eating habits. That's worth 10 dress sizes to me.
Good luck with whatever you do next xxx

Thanks for your post Alpha, I think I need to revisit Gillian Riley. I might have her muddled up with Geneen Roth.

Something you said resonated: "I want weight loss to be instant, like the gratification I get from food. I can't do the long hard slog to get myself back into standard clothing sizes and into a physically healthy place."

That's it right there isn't it? Losing weight is bloody hard, and the will and determination so often wears off before the flab does so we reach for a fix to soothe the misery.

Anyway, I fear I may soon have a reason for losing weight other than vanity - I missed a call from my GP when I was getting off a train tonight, I only had my liver scan 2 days ago. That can't bode well can it, they don't call to say all is normal. She left a message and said she'd call back.

I'm so sorry Alpha, I was so caught up with myself I neglected to congratulate you on your weight loss. Well done - I'm 18 pushing a 20, I'd dearly love to be back in a 14 without knowing my weight!

I've just been writing myself a little list of foods with the sugar content in teaspoons. Bloody hell, who knew there are 4 tsps sugar in a slice of bread??? That's the same as a kit kat!

@Moominfan 🤣 Nope, I've not eaten them for nearly 2 years - I've found it's easier giving them up than limiting them. I'd buy things like Time Out bars and try and have one in the evenings .. and then end up eating the pack!! .. then trotting to the shop to follow it up with a tub of Ben and Jerry's! Sugar and sweeteners definitely led to binge eating for me.

To me, sugar is a a bit like all or nothing, same as crack and fags I imagine 🤣

I've given up sweeteners too - it seemed logical to get rid of my sweet tooth permanently.

Don't build me up as a paragon of health though, I'm still a size 18/20 .. but that's a much better place to be than a size 26/28 which I was before the sugar embargo.

I've gone for cutting out a) crisps (but allow cheese and crackers or nuts, as I don't go crazy on those) and b) buying confectionery, biscuits, cakes etc. So if someone gives me a box of chocolates, that's okay. Or if I can be arsed to actually get up and bake something, also fine.

This way I know I don't want it that much of my laziness wins.

I've been trying it for a mere 2 weeks so far though, so not sure how well it will last. I agree that sustainability at least medium term is key.

Elephantina, thank you. I really hope everything works out ok for you with your scan x

Elephantina - yes bread is the worst!! Sits there pretending to look innocent, sometimes disguising itself even better with little seeds and wotnot whilst all the while being a trojan horse for sugar. Funilly enough sweet potatoes have less sugar if you need some better carbs. Hope the news from your doc is okay though - crossing fingers for you.

Try making your own bread. It's ridiculously easy in a bread machine, and although all the bread recipes have sugar in them, it is something like 2 teaspoons of sugar across the entire loaf, rather than a teaspoon equivalent per slice. And actually I experimented and left sugar out altogether and it worked. So now my bread is just wholegrain flour, water, butter, salt and yeast (it's delicious as well). The list of ingredients on shop bought bread is massive.

Shop bought bread has so much sugar in it to preserve it and make it last a few days. Home made bread goes stale very quickly - I slice mine and freeze it straight away, and eat it from the freezer.

OP you asked about batch cooking and freezing it. Try batch cooking things like soups, veg or lentil curries, bolognese, stews, chilli, etc. When cooled, portion them up and freeze. To use, you can either get them out the day before and defrost in the fridge, but I've also used them from frozen, just nuking them in the microwave or putting the frozen blocks in a covered casserole dish and slow cooking in the oven at a low ish temperature for an hour.

You could then eat your defrosted stews with a side of veg; curry with an Indian salad (chopped tomatoes, onions, coriander, chilli, lemon juice and salt); chilli with a Mexican salad (bulgar wheat flavoured with chilli, cumin, diced tomatoes, onion etc), and so on.

News from doc was nothing much - "signs of" fatty liver so they want to do a fasting blood test. I haven't actually spoken to the GP so I don't know details, but they can't do a blood test until 4th Jan anyway so I'm clearly not close to death.

Thanks Tipsey and MizzMimi, especially for the batch cooking advice - just what I needed! Not sure we have the space for a breadmaker, and in any case DH will roll his eyes at yet another "fad".

I am still coping very well with my avoidance of sugar, haven't slipped once - DH bought lemon pancakes last night and demolished the whole pack with a cup of tea, I was unfazed.

I think I'm enjoying the novelty of depriving myself of the usual suspects like chocolate, cake, all the sweet gooey calorific stuff I LOVE which has made me 4 stone overweight - yet I don't feel deprived. I don't normally look twice at savoury food, I'm not bothered and if DH is not around I'll feast on chocolate and won't eat anything proper. But he's out tonight, and I have enjoyed a feast of peri peri chicken salad, quiche and cheese, and I have plain Skyr yoghurt and melon in the fridge. Perfectly satisfying, no rabbit food or weighing stuff out, and no sugar in sight.

Not even sure I can eat anything else. I haven't weighed myself, I think I might take some measurements and see if the inches start to go down? I feel slightly sceptical about the potential for size reduction, given the extraordinary amount of fat I'm eating, but that's a lifetime of low fat dieting for you...

Well done Elephantina! Glad the news from the docs seems to just be routing checks. Don't worry too much on the inital weight loss, just get used to changing your tastebuds and not being crazy for sugar. Careful of the base in the quiche! :)

Just to comment on the IBS thing - if I eat a load of veg after having a few days of "beige food", my guts go into meltdown because of the influx of insoluble fibre. If you push through and carry on, your guts get a lot more tolerant. Obviously you may have to continue to avoid the killers like beans etc, but you'll probably find you are able to tolerate veggies more, the more you eat. This has been my experience anyway.

Wishing you the best of luck!