I get a physical high from eating shit food

[Elephantina]

I have name changed because I’m about to share details that I have never spoken about out loud before.

I am 46 and class 2 obese with about 4 stone to lose. My story doesn’t really matter, although it is much the same as anyone else who has followed a binge-diet cycle for 30 years.

The fact is, I LIKE shit food. Sugar and carbs give me a deep-down purr of bliss, contentment and well-being that nothing can match. Without it life rumbles along fine, but I feel empty and irritable and gloomy and I get terrible IBS symptoms when I’m eating properly. It’s not even the act of eating it – eating it is good, yes, but the THOUGHT of eating it, of having the choice and space to eat it without judgement (i.e in secret), is even better. Like downing a glass of cool water when you’re desperately thirsty, in over 30 years I have found nothing that beats the absent pleasure of it.

I need to find something to replace the high that it gives me – that’s obvious to me without a £60 per hour therapist. Obviously I have lost weight through diet and exercise a hundred times before, but I haven’t dealt with the need to get lost in the comfort and the buzz of eating the food so it always comes back.

I don't enjoy being fat and it irks me that my problem is plastered all over me for everyone to see - I'd prefer to be slim and fit of course. But I quite like myself as a person, I'm all right I think, even if I am fat. I had a health check recently and all is well, I am not pre-diabetic and cholesterol and pressure is low. I don't have any joint or mobility issues, my only health problem is chronic migraine.

I can diet, I know what to do and the mechanics/biology of weight loss. But it won't work unless I can stamp down the yearning for a high.

Has anyone achieved it? None of the definitions I have read around "food addiction", binge-eating disorder, and so on, seem to fit what I do.

That sounds perfectly feasible Ferret - and have you lost weight, or didn't you have any to lose to start with?

I know it can be a bit of an of odd concept but once you get over sugar, processed wheat and white carbs your body calms right down in terms of cravigns. Reddit has two subreddits one called intermittent fasting and the other is keto. Not saying you need to go full on keto as i like veg but they're both really friendly and supportive with loads of recipe ideas ( Well not for IF obviously as that's just not eating but I do that most days too now, just skip breakfast).

Yeah i find breakfast kickstarts my appetite too. If i'm starving, i'll have some but if not i leave it.

I think LCHF isnt too far off the 3 meals and no sweets thing, pretty much what im doing right now except i skip rice and pasta if possible. I still eat potatoes and the odd wrap. Its LOW carb not NO carb. I agree small changes are going to see the biggest change! And yes, if only i hadnt done such extreme diets when younger :(

I've lost 6 stone Elephantina. I get my 'high' from my meals (had pie chips and gravy for my tea - cheese, grapes and crackers for lunch and weetabix and banana for breakfast) ... I love every single meal. Because I don't eat sugar I don't have big highs and lows and don't even want to eat jnbetween my meals anymore.

The hardest thing when I have dieted in the past is eating stuff that I don't really get any joy or satisfaction from, and having to think ahead to what I'm going to eat.

My new way of eating is an absolute revelation that I don't even have to think about anymore.

Woah. That is seriously impressive and sounds so straightforward!

DH does all the cooking but we're in a rut foodwise, need some new ideas and recipes and to plan a bit more. The trouble is that it only takes one of us getting in late, or coming in with a migraine, or some other small disruption, to throw all plans against the wall and resort to convenience food.

@FabulouslyGlamorousFerret have you given up ALL sugar in anything, or just refined sugar? So you still eat foods with a bit of natural sugar like fruit, milk, etc? And did you give up sweetener too? I have sweetener in tea and porridge!

Now torn between flinging myself into Slimming World for the structure and discipline, or going it alone and cutting out sugar.

I'm with you OP, I'm following both as a supporter and someone who needs the advice given here.

My breakfast today (Don't normally eat breakfast but I've been awake since 1) I had pancakes at half 1, 3 of them. 1 with butter,1 with chocolate spread and a mouthful of 1 with cheese. Right now I'm having a soft boiled egg with a slice of white bread toast soldiers a slice of white bread toast for the rest of the egg white once the yolk is gone. Two small carrots in stick from, one piece of celery in sticks and a small handful of red leicester cheese cubes. No idea what's for lunch or tea as I'm heading home for the weekend from uni so it will depend on what my mother has in the house. I think she has bought squid for me so may have that with egg and veg fried rice for tea. Lunch will probably be freezer food or bacon with boiled and buttered potatoes with cheese and some veg like sprouts, peas, broccoli, sweetcorn or cauliflower depending on what she has in.

@Elephantina In my experience slimming world and weight watchers don't work and encourage the 'high' from certain foods mentality. I've been going on and off since I was 12 and decided that I can't do it anymore at 23.

I love myself and I love food and I'm going to indulge in that in a healthy a way as possible. I'm going LCHF and seeing if it helps as I have PCOS which fucks up weight loss and management. I can't lose weight with exercise really just by not eating. I realised how messed up we perceive weight as when I was 14 and lost so much weight by either eating only sweets at lunch time and broccoli at teatime. I was physically unfit and all my stats were off yet my GP was delighted because I was a healthy weight but miserable and ill. I decided from then I'd rather be happy, fit and fat. But I know how the world looks at fat people so want to lose weight because I have more chance at landing the job offers and interviews I want. It sucks but it's true and if I need to I'll restrict meals till teatime because I only get hungry once a day anyway, it's just society telling us to eat more often.

Well, I forgot to mention that I'm pre-menopausal, so every attempt at weight loss recently has been slow and agonising unless I eat nothing all until dinner in the evening. And that's no way to live is it?

Since I was 21 I've done all of these, many of them more than once;
WW
Calorie counting
South Beach
Carb Addicts Diet
Slim fast
Slimming World (once, for about a week in 2006)

The only reason I haven't done Lighter Life or Diet Chef is the cost!

I like the concept of the latest incarnation of Slimming World, I could do it without going mad on muller lights as they're pretty gross. But it does involve planning.

How do people meal plan and batch cook? I always feel weird about reheating frozen food.

Elephantina - love the way you write! Can you wriggle up the bench a bit more?
Would love to join.

I’m a 16-18 and exercise regularly in terms of cardio, and a session of Pilates once a week. BP is that of a teenager, but cholesterol (good and bad ) is high. I’m slap bang in the menopause, and on HRT.

I Just cannot lose weight. I also have a ‘D’H who comments all the time on my weight, which gets me down. Then insists on going out to eat at least once every weekend. Then frowns at my plate, and what I’ve chosen. (Usually fish...)

Did the WW sessions years ago. Lost 2 stone. Put it back on. Went back. Gave up.
TBH, I think SW has a similar kind of scenario.

Did the 5:2 for about a year. Found it helped the IBS, but no weight loss.

I kind of glaze over when the Evangalists of either WW or SW tell me how fab it is. Because given a few years, they revert back to original size. Always!

I think most of my problems are up here (taps head), a marriage that I should get out of, and all exacerbated by sugar and gluten. (Tested for coeliac but negative, too).

Love some of the links people have posted. And there are some good book recommendations via that Laura Thomas website.

Just popping back on here to suggest another book called Wheat Belly. This changed my whole perception of wheat and put me off bread pasta and biscuits for good! It's a mindset shift and a hard one because everyone goes on and on about how you should eat three meals a day and carbs should form half the plate etc but honestly I feel so much better now. Also skin and teeth in much better shape. I prep ahead by making a vat of mince bolognaise and bake pork chops and roast chicken thighs. Then if I ever think I'm hungry i have those to go to, or cheese. I eat a lot of cheese!

Why thank you.

My DH comments on my weight, but only at the same time as lamenting his own - we need to do it together, we're both fat'ns. But my DH is (mostly) kind, he would never say anything deliberately mean. Does yours need a swift kick in the bollocks?

I was on a client visit recently, one I had postponed due to a back problem. The client asked how it was and I said improving slowly, and he said,

"Of course, weight can be a contributing factor in lower back pain. Do you think - said with a twinkle - it's about time you did something about yours? My daughter was getting fat so I pulled her up on it, it's really motivated her to lose some."

So I said, "Fuck the fuck off you prick, who are you to make comments on anyone else's weight? Your daughter hates you and I don't blame her. Good day."

And flounced out with my head held high.

I didn't really, I blushed furiously, mumbled a bit and swiftly changed the subject.

He is a prick though.

Cross posted Tipsey, sorry - will check that book out too, thanks!

Agree with the posters that say you have a sugar addiction and you probably need to give up all sugar to beat it. That will include alcohol. I am similarly inclined.

Have you been tested for type 2 diabetes? You sound like you would be at risk.

Did you know that the NHS is carrying out 155 amputations a week on type 2 diabetes patients?

I've only ever been 1-2 stone overweight but the things I've found most effective are:

Hypnotherapy to beat sugar cravings
Strength training (I hate running)
Low carb
No alcohol
Bioprint (but only alongside the above)

The high I get now being able to look half decent in my clothes, of feeling strong and fit, of knowing I'm protecting my health for the future, is better than a sugar high. Sorry if that sounds pious.

Even a small weight loss helped me hugely - improved moods, more energy, less painful periods, better gut health. It's not all vanity, although that always seems to be where the focus is.

I guess the question is really how do you want to live when you are 70? Able to live independently and enjoy retirement or beset with weight-related health problems?

Hi. I just wanted to suggest reading the book The Realists guide to Sugar Free. I'm half way through it and have found it very interesting so far and it really makes you think about what you're eating and doing to your body in a way that is easy to understand.

An ax colleague got over it with hypnotherapy. I'm seriously considering it

Oh I'm definitely in agreement with the sugar addiction, no doubt. Thanks for the book title BlueJay.

Yes I have been tested for type 2 as I mentioned, I'm all clear and my blood sugar was low (nurse admitted she was surprised considering my BMI of 38), so I've got time to turn things around before those levels creep up and I'm into extremity loss territory.

I have lost lots of weight before and I've enjoyed feeling fitter, lighter, better in my clothes and getting loads of attention and no longer being invisible. Sadly, every time I fall back into bad habits, hate myself for being weak, pretend I'm happy being invisible, and by the time I've slapped myself and come through the misery and I'm ready to go again, I've got 4 stone to lose - and it gets harder as I get older.

I've got a liver scan next week - despite the standard markers for weight related health issues all being fine, I did have an iffy liver result so I may well have a fatty liver. So that might galvanise me.

OP, you mentioned looking into food addiction before. Have you read Eating Less by Gillian Riley? Your last post resonated because she talks a lot about motivation, and why health needs to be the motivating factor. If it's weight loss, you lose the weight, your motivation goes and you start eating badly or too much again. Weight loss treats the symptoms not the cause.
I think it's really helping me. I haven't lost much but it is changing my attitude to food.

Oh and one other thing, you said you do resort to convenience food at times. Could you do some batch cooking so you have home made convenience food in the freezer?

You asked what SW is like in reality? I decided to try it about 18m ago after both my bosses did it and lost lots and kept it off (3+ yrs for them so far). I've lost 5 stone so far with 1 more to go. Am struggling with mindset for the last one tbh - am my lightest adult weight and it feels weird and self-sabotage is a daily battle.

I decided on SW because: I love pasta and didn't want a lifetime of weighing out my pasta portion, I still wanted cheese, I didn't want to have to track absolutely everything. I did it online but was hugely helped by colleagues to explain things at first. Typically I have had cheese and chocolate most days (not as much as I'd like!) and I generally have porridge w apple and honey for breakfast, veggie soup / cold meats / salad / eggs for lunch, meat or fish with pasta/rice/potato and veg for supper. I have yoghurt (plain not Mullers!), fruit etc for snack and save points for an evening snack so I can have choc after DC bedtime.

Once I lost 3 stone I started jogging and now (weirdly) love it. My guess for why this has worked so far is very real fear of permanent health damage - bp was starting to go up, family history of diabetes and thrombosis...I had to do it, and had to make my peace with doing it forever because if I stop, I'll only have to start again!

That's an interesting take Cheshire - yes I have read that book in the past, but I'm talking pre-kindle era so it was a long time ago. I don't even recall that the type of motivation was the main premis of it, but that has definitely resonated. Even though I do have aches and pains and IBS, the GP and physio have said (unprompted) that plenty of slim people have similar issues so it's not all about weight.

When I had my gallbladder out I asked if the stones due to my yo-yo dieting, and the surgeon shrugged and said maybe. I told him I was nervous that my BMI might be too high for the surgery and again he shrugged and said actually, he has more room to manoeuvre in fatter patients so it was of no consequence. Er, anaesthetic anyone?

So far, not one medical professional has mentioned my weight apart from to raise an eyebrow and say, wow isn't your blood pressure low.

Maybe I'll get a good kick up the arse after my liver scan when they discover it's the size of a spacehopper and looks like lard?

I think you're right, my main motivation is to look better and not be the fat person in the room anymore. At the moment my health is mostly fine, so perhaps that side of it isn't "real" enough iyswim?

Oh yes I'm dying to batch cook but I have some psychological worries around hygiene so I would need constant reassurance around what is ok to cook and reheat, do you defrost it first, how long to keep it etc etc.

Fab post MagicKeys thanks, that's helpful! The lady I saw the other day doing SW has always been twice the size of me, for the 10 years I've known her. Now she's about my size, and looks so happy that she finally found something that works.

DH is working today (I'm at home with a stinking cold), and he's just text to ask what I fancy for dinner. I suggested a nice Slimming World stir fry and his response was, "Fuck Slimming World up the arse."

So that went well.

Im amazed elephantina; i get a lecture about my weight EVERY time i see an nhs professional im only a size 16 at worst. Their telling me to eat less every time kicked off my BED

Blimey I'm bigger than you - generally they weigh me and comment that it's stable?

I wonder if I've got resting bitch face and they think I'll have a massive strop if anyone dares point out that I'm fat? Although it's not as though I can't tell...

I stopped SW recently because it stopped working for me when I got to a BMI of 26. I have a family history of diabetes too and was recommended to go down to a BMI of 22 so have started calorie counting. But just popped on to say you cant eat unlimited Muller Lights or flavoured yoghurts on SW anymore. They have cut out a lot of the nonsense foods like mugshots from their free foods. I wasn't eating them anyway so it didn't make much difference to me, but still lost 2 stone on it. Also, I still do slimming world meals from the recipe books I had when I was doing it. I have a beef stew in the slow cooker. If someone said to me do you fancy a slimming world stir fry in the middle of winter, Id have said something similar to your DH

to your DH's view of SW stir fry! In fairness, to me that would just be the same as an ordinary stir fry, just using spray oil, and sticking to soy sauce rather than any other sauce. For something easy and comfortingly filling, we had easy steak pie for lunch - M&S tinned steak, mashed carrot and swede on top, grated cheese, baked in oven. Was yummy with half a plate of other veg. Pinch of nom or 2 chubby Cubs are decent recipe sites for ideas, but I tend to cook very simply.