Very overweight 4 year old

[DumbleDork]

Hi all.
I realise I may have in the wrong place but I’m desperate for some help.

My DD is 4 (just turned 4 in September) and is massively overweight. Her BMI puts her on the 99th centile. She’s 108cm and a whopping 24kg. At birth she was a fairly teeny 6lb 7oz.

The HVs get on at me about this a lot and she’s now age 5-6 clothes as she’s so podgy.

Obviously I don’t want to give her a complex and make her worry about weight at such a young age but something has to be done. I was advised to keep her weight the same as she grows so she finally catches up with her weight (if that makes sense). But her weight keeps going up and up and with her starting primary school in just under a year I want to get her to a healthy weight. Not just for health, though obviously this is priority, but so she’s not bullied for her weight and so she can do stuff as easily as the other kids.

Any ideas on how to go about this delicate subject?

Thanks all

She is very tall. She is only 4. Honestly I would ask a Dr before you take anything away from her diet. Shes still so young. Upping exercise is good and is good fun for the kids, but please don't become over invested in this. If the Dr says cut things out then I would. Otherwise don't worry too much.

By 4 my parents were doing 5 or 6 mile walks with us, so I think she’d probably be ok doing the school run on foot especially as it’s not all in one go. Maybe introduce it 3 times a week if you think she’ll need to work up to it.

And thanks for posting the portion sizes guide assassinatedbeauty - I’ve been fretting that my 1 year old doesn’t eat enough but like xiaoxiong I think my expectation was way out! Why on Earth don’t health visitors give us a leaflet with that info (rather than all the unnecessary bits of paper)? I might let mine know about the link next time we see her as she’s lovely and I’m sure would pass it on to others if she knew about it - sounds like loads of us are in the same boat being a bit shocked by it.

Dumble I genuinely think you need to sort your own health and relationship with food out to help your DD, who you clearly love beyond measure.

OP - bulimia is defined as excessive eating where the sufferer feels they have no control, followed by a period of ‘atonement’ e.g vomiting, fasting, excessive excercise, laxatives. Sufferers are often overweight.

Go to your GP if you are worried

My children quite naturally went from chubby to lean from about the ages of 4 to 7, so actually I'd say that it is plausible to achieve that for your daughter on that timescale. I'm not sure how much they weighed at 4, but centile wise they were in the same territory at 3 to 3.5. Through primary age I remained aware, if I looked, that they were fundamentally wider than some of their peers, but in proportion to also being tall. As teenagers my daughter is fit and lean, and her younger brother is entering beanpole territory.

Your daughter is tall enough that I'd expect her to be in 5-6 age clothing at 4, at least for some things. So don't specifically worry on that basis.

Definitely go and speak with your GP, discuss your concerns and what might be the best way forward. A dietician may well be able to help you adjust things sensibly.

Don't specifically cut out protein in favour of carbs though, as someone suggested above replacing cheesesticks with breadsticks. Adequate protein and fat intake will regulate appetite much better than topping up with bread and pasta.

Well done for recognising things at this age, you have time and growth on your side to sort it all out. A friend of my son's was overweight in primary, and is still a very large young teen despite at least some intervention.

Portion control is so important, you say you are over weight too so maybe you could look at regaining control for the whole family.

Weigh everything, log everything until you can properly see the amount you should be having.

I Have a diet plate which changed my life. It's 1/4 carb. 1/4 proteing and half vegetables. So small portion of past and bolognese and a big salad.

You will be hungry to begin with, but do not worry, it it will get easier. I lost 2 stone over a year by doing that for 70% of my meals.

I remember reading somewhere that children that are overweight often grow taller in the younger years as there is so much surplus energy in their bodies. Their height then evens out.

BTW 14 stone isn't fantastic but it is definitely a good starting point to lose weight from as a healthy weight is very much in reach. You will see results quickly and look good too.

Verbena totally agree! It would have saved me endless amounts of worry if I’d had a leaflet with portion sizes because I’ve convinced myself dd doesn’t eat anywhere near enough, and worked myself into a frenzy about it. And now I see it’s totally normal!

Op, the best thing is you’ve caught this early so making healthy changes should set your dd up for life now. Don’t change everything all at once, gradually swap foods and reduce certain things. More exercise etc. Make a long term plan rather than a quick “oh shit I need to fix this!” panic.

Being overweight isn’t an opinion. We have weight charts, waist measurements and BMI. You don’t need to post photos because people’s opinions don’t matter. If the child’s weight and waist measurement is too big then they are overweight. It doesn’t matter much about what anyone else says to you.

Well according to my tracker we just walked 3.2 miles for the school run this morning. That’s onbiously to school and back again. I reckon that’s a good starting point for us. She cried most of the way home that she wanted to sit down but we carried on and she’s fine now we are home 🙂 she’s asked for a ham sandwich with carrot and cucumber for lunch so I’ll have a go at the portion sizes website suggested by another poster. You’ve all been so lovely, Thankyou so much. You’ve boosted my confidence that we can tackle this, and hopefully fairly simply too x

Try not to worry or feel bad - you're doing something about it now while she's young which is great and it's totally possible to get it sorted.

I'd see a doctor and also make sure her height and weight has been accurately plotted (you could ask the doctor to do this and also do it at home via NHS calculator) and see if there's any extra help available if needed.

I think up the exercise and slightly reduce portions - the last thing you want is her feeling really hungry due to a big change in portion sizes. And at her age a bit of extra exercise and a few diet tweaks may be all she needs. At lunch, I'd offer a range of veggies alongside her sandwich and a few crisps on the side rather than a whole pack. I'd not try to vastly reduce fat as she will need that at her age and it will keep her feeling satisfied for longer - just reduce the empty carbs a little (slightly smaller portions of pasta, rice, bread, reduce the crisps). On the crisps, in the past, I've bought some french fries copies from Lidl that are really small bags, only about 60 calories I think so they might be a good option.

I'd do the 1 mile walk to school even if you just do it once a day - she will be fine and if she gets tired you can stop and have a rest. If we were walking, I used to give my DS a short piggy back and say "just to that lamp post" or something - it was more a distraction than actually needed but it worked to get him walking again. You could also get her a scooter which is a bit of exercise but not as full on as walking all the way. A trampoline in the garden is great if you have one or those trampolining parks nearby, they're really fun and you can exercise together.

We also do lots of free things like trips to the park, playing with a ball in the garden, making a course in the house to jump over/weave around (or get a teddy to do that!) with tins of beans etc - all getting extra activity in.

I got my DS a vivofit junior which measures activity (a bit like a kids fitbit). He's now 6 and it's useful for setting alarms so he knows when he should be getting dress and you can also give rewards, set tasks and see how well they sleep. It's a bit expensive so not neccessary but thought it was worth a mention!

Thank you to the poster who posted the link for the portion size. I have hugely been overestimating the portion size for my 2.7 years old and fretting that he’s not eating enough!
OP, you got this, don’t beat yourself up as you can see most of us didn’t have a clue about correct portion sizes for kids!

dumble that sounds good and I think it’s fab you’re on the case - i teach secondary and see so many kids who really struggle because parents didn’t do what you’re doing now when they were younger. Getting yourselves healthier will have benefits for the whole family and long term ones, so feel proud, not guilty.

Also can you get her a step stool and a little pinny so she can help you cook? My sister and I were always involved in cooking at home (lots of home-grown veg) so left home knowing how to cook loads of different healthy meals and I really think it sets you up for life and gives you a positive attitude to the value of food.

Maybe use this as a log op? Keep detailing in thread and it will be helpful to look back on. You sound like a great mum.
I also believe genetics play a part.

I am absolutely disgusted at the people calling the kids in the photos very overweight and picking conseula to pieces. They look perfectly fine and you are being dicks for the sake of it. How awful to label children like that

Exercise will help enormously. Any exercise is better than nothing but if you walk with your 10 year old to school you will all benefit! (Probably be good for your social life too..) 4 miles a day would be brilliant!

Try doing it every day - It may take a while longer on the way home!

vandrew4 you must be on the wind up .

Op I bet if you post a pic of your child too she will not be as big as people are imagining . She sounds tall

That’s a mile each way though so not sure how many times a week it would be fair to make her walk that much at 4.

We're 1.7 miles from the nearest school and walked. For a 4 year old that's not far at all.
Can you borrow a neighbour's dog to talk walkies? Go swimming? Try ballet/dance?

@nohuffle Thankyou. I'm currently considering reporting myself to ss for obviously being such a shit parent and ignoring the fact my kids are so horrendously overweight. I must spend all day feeding them junk and not letting them walk anywhere

I have had a good giggle from the comments aimed at me. Considering I home cook every meal. My kids are highly active and when we go on walks its easily minimum of 5/6 miles. We walk the dog often. They rarely have sweets or chocolate and they even join in with my home work outs..
Awful parenting I must up my game.....

Consuela, going by your photos your children are definitely not overweight. Not in the slightest. I don’t understand why posters are saying they are? I must be missing something.

Merelia think I'm missing it too!

Very dangerous attitude if you ask me. I'm guessing if they had my children they would put them on a diet for being so "overweight ". Projecting the idea of bmis and obesity in children who are clearly still young is not going to lead to healthy attitudes to food later in life !

I'd concentrate on more exercise right now. My boys never stop walking and running around. Encourage her to be more active.

I have my own bad relationship with food and I have a non-eating 3 YO. In my opinion, the worst thing to do is start saying things to her that are going to mess up her own relationship with food. Slowly reduce portions but for everyone. Have healthy foods for everyone. Be a healthy example to her.

But being more active is a good way of making it something fun and exciting for them. Taking away food just feels like punishment to a 4 YO who doesn't understand.

I’m a nursery teacher and see this every day - healthy food but far too much of it. I recommend a small cup of vegetable soup (no sugar or cream) before lunch & dinner, and a small salad to start (just grated carrots or veg sticks with a teaspoon of houmous or other dip) which then fills them up and are happy with half a sandwich or 3/4 spoons of pasta

Dumble you sound lovely.

Another vote for being cautious about Slimming World. I did it for a while and whilst I lost weight, i ate huge portions which meant I put it all back on when I stopped as I never addresses the root causes. Which is typical of dieters.

I bought a book a while ago called Eating Less;Say goodbye to overeating by Gillian Riley and it's changed my life. It's made me completely reassess my attitude to food and why I eat. I haven't lost weight (yet) but that isn't the goal, eating less is the goal.

Also, someone up thread recommended Parkrun. I've started to do Junior Parkrun on a Sunday morning with my 6 year old and we love it. It's only a mile, so achievable. you could do it together and your 10 year old could whip round really quickly in a safe environment, if there is one near you.

Good luck n